Sorry that I haven’t posted about God in a while. You all will have to excuse me for not posting sooner, and to explain, it will take me just a little time out of this blog but what they hey....... Ya see I have these two really wonderful parents that are both in their mid to late 70s. In the past couple of months I have been going over and spending upwards of three days a week with my mom, just talking to her, or helping my dad with his computer and teaching him the basics. I would teach him so much more but I fear his head would explode. Along with this I have also been trying to keep up with my regular house duties, trying to take care of my wonderful wife of over 21 years, trying to do favors for my friends and all the while I am a disabled person.
Many people don’t know this, and I won’t let this little titbit out again, it can take me up to a couple of weeks to flush out an idea for a blog, research, pictures, Adobe, fact-checking, typing, and then building web pages are just a start, let alone FTPing . This Blog is just one such idea.
Since just before Christmas 06 three things dawned on me:
A) I owe my life to Jesus Christ and my parents and then to myself, in that order
B) That I could be oh so nice or oh so pleasant, I recommend being pleasant.
C) God does not speak English.
These three things to me are the most important things in my life right now so to accept the things above allows me to take care of myself, my wife, and my parents and still be a nice person to other people when I can. It doesn’t however mean that I need to be nice to everyone all the time and that was what I was trying to do. To do that however, I was neglecting other people in my life and, most importantly, my God. It’s sort of a catch22 because although I’m a pretty nice guy, I’m only one man. No one can be expected to be ….oh…I don’t know…. let’s see….a Carpenter….and also be expected to please everyone on earth, it can’t be done. If I could do that I would be Christ like and I am far from that. Like I said, I’m only a man. So I am content with just being myself and taking care of my family as well. I do what I can for others and hope that they don’t expect too much. In the Bible it says that faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you don’t see. (Hebrews 11.1) Bad ass huh?
As far as my statement “God doesn’t speak English”; That dawned on me nearer the new year. As far back as I can remember the Bible was written in Ancient Aramaic, and then translated to Hebrew or the other way around, it doesn’t really matter. In any event, the people that Sailed the Ocean’s Blue in 1492 weren’t Arabian nor Jews or even rogue Romans. I believe they were Brittan’s who were fed up with the crappy laws in England.
They probably brought with them a beautifully embossed copy of the Bible and they incorporated several of the passages, including the Ten Commandments, into the laws that we now know today, like our Constitution and Bill of Rights because the Bible has always been based upon faith, fairness and truth. It’s because of this statement alone that I could care less if people cuss, it’s what they mean by their words that counts. People in politics today have forgotten all of this, at least at the highest levels. (Have I told you all this story? Anyway)
Intellectually I see nothing wrong, nor do I think God would, if you privately told your wife or husband that you wanted to fuck them tonight. However, if you were in an argument and said the same thing it would have a completely different meaning and would be against your partner and God. The same thing can be said for the words “hit on”. Now, “hit on” are not cuss words in English but if used in a hurtful way they are against another person and against God.
This may be hard for some of you to grasp and I apologize. The only way for me to explain is to stick to my opening and the 1492 thing, just think about it. Americans have messed up so many things already and it’s coming to the time that we are going to have to pay the fiddler. That’s probably an expression that you younger folk don’t know but you will come to learn. It comes from a Mother Goose poem The Pied Piper. Read it some time, it teaches us that eventually we all pay the price for following the wrong person blindly.
Well, to all of my friends, “you know who”, oh yeah and lil Jimmy with the gimpy leg, when I have the time I will post again about my religion but rest assured that Lazlo’s heart is alive and well and doing fine. Oh sure, my spinal cord still sucks but I can’t complain, I have a new member on my medical staff, and he doesn’t have a medical license :-)
Ok, it’s.. Jesus Christ…….…goddamn……....you people…..….waddaya stupid ovade?
That’s The Lazlo Report for January 30, 2007
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Friday
Mom Can Still Tell A Killer Story
Once in a great while my mom tells me a great story about her growing up in Kentucky, very poor, during the depression, but in a very loving home with her fourteen brothers and sisters, in a six bedroom home, where there was always one lucky child, the oldest, that got the single room by him or herself.
There was the story of the single pair of shiny new shoes that my Grandfather bought for my mother and her sister, of nearly the same age, that while they were moving to their brand new larger house they took turns wearing so that they could try and impress the people in other cars as they drove along the near baron dusty highway knowing that such behavior would land them a strapping from my Grandpa’s belt.. He was no preacher but they were brought up strict and to them THAT was sneaky. That’s what cracks me up, how far we have come in society and how right I think he was. He kept my mother an honest woman and nowadays that is not easy to find, if not impossible. BUT! ooh hot mama, a ten year old… “shake dem shoes”. Funny.
Then there was the time that my Uncle, the oldest, cut school to go coon hunting and while on the way home he met up with my mom. He was all wet and my mom asked why. Well, just like a coon does it went out on a tree that had fell onto a river bank so my uncle thought he had the coon trapped. NOPE. The coon just jumped onto the river bank so my uncle did the same thing, bad move on my uncle’s part because although he was hunting for coon, all he got was wet.
So when he got home he thought he was safe by just telling my Grandma that he fell into the creek on the way home, my mom just said “she didn’t see what happened” so she didn’t lie but on the other hand she just omitted the truth. However, he had made the mistake of leaving four rounds of 30/30 bullets in his overalls and he had put the overalls on the potbelly stove to dry off. So in about a half an hour later there go those bullets going off in the kitchen. Needless to say my uncle got his ass strapped many times for that and luckily no one got shot or hurt, well except for his my uncle’s ass and a few of his fifteen year old ass pimples too but that’s his personal business and we won’t go into that will we. :-).
Spending all this time with my mom as I have in the past several months is so worth it. To anyone that says that this 73 year old woman has memory problems I say go to hell because she can whip up a good one any time and still remember how to sew and fix a cup of coffee.. Hell, she has it spewing out of her; you just have to get her started like a gas pump. Today she told me about a sibling that pooped (yes, shit) on his sister’s barnyard animal as he hid in the loft of the barn, for no good reason, just twisted a little bit I guess. See why I can’t use real names! My family would burn me at the stake!!!
These stories are abundant and so long as mom is alive I plan to write more. We figured out that her medical condition is quite simple. She’s been doing so many things for so many people for so long that at age 73 she just has too many things on her plate and just hasn’t learned to say no. I am trying to teach her something that her mother taught me. “You can be Oh So Nice in this world Turry” she told me, she always called me Turbule Turry, “or you can you Oh So Pleasant, well I recommend Pleasant Turry”
Turry, she always called me Turry.
With that advice in hand I am trying to convince my mother to just be Oh So Pleasant every day so that she can have a pleasant day and she doesn’t have to be nice to everyone and say yes to everyone. I tell her just tell people that she doesn’t have time, and slow down. That way she will not be so frustrated all the time about having to do so much work every day. Friggin Christmas almost killed her I swear. Anyhow, more stories at another time.
That’s the Lazlo Report for Wednesday 1-3-2007
There was the story of the single pair of shiny new shoes that my Grandfather bought for my mother and her sister, of nearly the same age, that while they were moving to their brand new larger house they took turns wearing so that they could try and impress the people in other cars as they drove along the near baron dusty highway knowing that such behavior would land them a strapping from my Grandpa’s belt.. He was no preacher but they were brought up strict and to them THAT was sneaky. That’s what cracks me up, how far we have come in society and how right I think he was. He kept my mother an honest woman and nowadays that is not easy to find, if not impossible. BUT! ooh hot mama, a ten year old… “shake dem shoes”. Funny.
Then there was the time that my Uncle, the oldest, cut school to go coon hunting and while on the way home he met up with my mom. He was all wet and my mom asked why. Well, just like a coon does it went out on a tree that had fell onto a river bank so my uncle thought he had the coon trapped. NOPE. The coon just jumped onto the river bank so my uncle did the same thing, bad move on my uncle’s part because although he was hunting for coon, all he got was wet.
So when he got home he thought he was safe by just telling my Grandma that he fell into the creek on the way home, my mom just said “she didn’t see what happened” so she didn’t lie but on the other hand she just omitted the truth. However, he had made the mistake of leaving four rounds of 30/30 bullets in his overalls and he had put the overalls on the potbelly stove to dry off. So in about a half an hour later there go those bullets going off in the kitchen. Needless to say my uncle got his ass strapped many times for that and luckily no one got shot or hurt, well except for his my uncle’s ass and a few of his fifteen year old ass pimples too but that’s his personal business and we won’t go into that will we. :-).
Spending all this time with my mom as I have in the past several months is so worth it. To anyone that says that this 73 year old woman has memory problems I say go to hell because she can whip up a good one any time and still remember how to sew and fix a cup of coffee.. Hell, she has it spewing out of her; you just have to get her started like a gas pump. Today she told me about a sibling that pooped (yes, shit) on his sister’s barnyard animal as he hid in the loft of the barn, for no good reason, just twisted a little bit I guess. See why I can’t use real names! My family would burn me at the stake!!!
These stories are abundant and so long as mom is alive I plan to write more. We figured out that her medical condition is quite simple. She’s been doing so many things for so many people for so long that at age 73 she just has too many things on her plate and just hasn’t learned to say no. I am trying to teach her something that her mother taught me. “You can be Oh So Nice in this world Turry” she told me, she always called me Turbule Turry, “or you can you Oh So Pleasant, well I recommend Pleasant Turry”
Turry, she always called me Turry.
With that advice in hand I am trying to convince my mother to just be Oh So Pleasant every day so that she can have a pleasant day and she doesn’t have to be nice to everyone and say yes to everyone. I tell her just tell people that she doesn’t have time, and slow down. That way she will not be so frustrated all the time about having to do so much work every day. Friggin Christmas almost killed her I swear. Anyhow, more stories at another time.
That’s the Lazlo Report for Wednesday 1-3-2007
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