Imagine picking up the telephone fifteen times a day and there’s no one on the other side; that’s what I do on an every day occurrence and it isn’t funny anymore. I’m a member of IMDB and I recommend that if you’re in the industry that you join. However that’s not what I’m writing about today in today’s blog.
I’ve had a few and another hypothesis of why my ears ring is that when I had all my teeth pulled out, about five years so much as I can remember, but I have had molars pulled every year for years; isn’t it possible that the jarring of the scull can effect this in some way and that because I have numbed the jaw with alcohol and the sound goes away instead of a shot of Novocain into the eardrum which only lasts for as long as the drug (not a cure) that alcohol can be used as a form of stimuli to the brain and the ringing in the ears will go away if used in the correct way; maybe a patch under the denchers with a high amount of the stuff so it soaks in but the person doesn't get drunk.
I think that I am onto something here and want to write to the American Journal of Medicine but how can one explain to them that you should treat an ailment with booze. For one, I do not recommend that anyone take up drinking the alcohol. I personally would spit it out since I don’t drink, EVER. I stopped drinking several years ago after becoming an alcoholic. Its dangerous stuff and for adults only, however if it’s a cure for tinnitus then I’m all for it.
Next, how would you deal with kids? You certainly wouldn’t want them to say that they hear ringing and therefore give them a bottle of Jack and say “don’t swallow”. That would give them a foul stool, a bad case of the blues; not to mention a really bad law suit for mom and dad.
Seriously, I haven’t even talked to my Doctor about this but intend to do just that. I actually have two to three doctors right now, depending on how you look at things, so I am trying to decide which one to talk to. I could talk to my spine doctor and I’m sure he’ll take a look. I can talk to my family doctor too. Finally I can talk to the hearing specialist who is the one who catches my ear, so to speak, since he’s an ears-noses and throat doctor but they all would make an enormous bill making it impossible for me to hear what’s coming out of any of their mouths for the rest of my life.
I could talk to any one of them and run up a bill but instead I think I will just sit home and dream; dream of a head that doesn’t ring, doesn’t ring to the sound of so many songs.
That’s The Lazlo Report for March 30, 2007
Wednesday
Dion Cole
Check out the new comedian on the comedy channels lately, his name is Dion Cole. He’s just as funny as Dave Chepelle and just as irreverent as Stephen Wright.
That's the Lazlo Report for March 28th, 2007
That's the Lazlo Report for March 28th, 2007
Tuesday
Wally Mart
One of my greatest times of the month is going to the store in which you can find just about everything that one might need for your home, your garage or your yard. I talking about Wal-Mart and we have one about twenty minutes away. Our’s is in Van Wert next to Pet Co. and a really bitchen Chinese place so after spending a shitload of money that we didn’t have in the first place we can always go visit the puppies and then sit down for some really good food.
The reason for going to Wally Mart is simple; low low prices and quantity shopping. I mean it’s not like we’re going to a bargain basement or anything but you always manage to find a pretty good deal on just about anything that you’re looking for at a pretty good price and the people that work there are pretty cool too.
Don’t even get me started on Lowe’s because the people that work there are idiots. They couldn’t find a one inch nail if you drew them a picture and gave them the scu number. Now the ladies that work the registers are ok so I wont rag on them but the rest of the staff are about as smart as dirt clods. I digress
My wife and I go to Wal-Mart probably twice a month, sometimes less, to pick up supplies for the house and when I say supplies I mean SUPPLIES! Everything from water to toilet paper and paper towels, we buy allot of stuff when we go to Wally Mart. We also have our secret recipe things that we pick up while we’re there and while I can’t tell you what they or it is, I can tell you that I can now make….. oh shit my wife is hitting me in the arm right now telling me that she’ll cut off my right one if I give out the secret.
(Taco-Bell Tacos “For Real”)
The corporation is ran by Lee Scott, CEO and probably other titles that I’m unaware of but this guy really knows how to run the show and since coming aboard has transformed Wal-Mart into a prosperous company that gives millions to the needy and billions to his employees in the way of compensation. He doesn’t have to but he just does. That’s what has made this company so successful in today’s market and the boneheads that don’t understand it are just plain stupid.
It’s quite simple; take an impoverished area and build a Wally mart. Employ about 1500 people at around $12.50 an hour (not including benefits) now while the take home pay is a little higher than let say McDonalds the person that works there can go our and buy their own health insurance IF they want to OR they can use the insurance of their spouse which some people have. For the young people, like 18yrlds, most of them live at home and need to learn what health insurance is anyway.
Then there are other employees that are full timer’s and they do have benefits. Although their bring home pay is much lower than the part-timer’s it’s because they are hired in at a lower rate of pay. There’s no way to pay someone 12.50 an hour AND give them benefits and make a profit in today’s market; there’s just no way. Watch Lee’s interview today on Neil Cavuto on Fox News to get the real inside scoop on this.
I am just telling you the way it is in the real world and it’s the plain truth. Kids today have to learn how to grow up. They need to learn how to choose which insurance company is best for them, not what company the company they work for should choose for them. Insurance is a gratuity not a right.
My wife works for a huge bank here in Ohio and without insurance we would be screwed. However, her employer offers the employees insurance “IN LIEU OF” pay. That means they have to forfeit part of their paychecks to receive this benefit, it’s not free. People always think that insurance is something that companies give you for free but they don’t; it costs you part of your paycheck.
I owned my company Corwin Electric for fourteen years and I didn’t offer insurance to anyone. What I did offer however was $12 to $25 an hour to the people that worked for me because not only wee they worth it but because if they wanted health insurance they could go out and buy it with that high of wages. It’s that simple. And even if I was paying minimum wages, and I never did, I would have only done so for a ditch digger for a day laborer and that’s it, just a one day guy. However I paid those guys $12 an hour too; digging a ditch is hard frigging work.
For all he’s doing I’ll continue to shop there. One of the things that I bought that I’m getting ready to use right now that I bought at Wal-Mart is my Shop-Vac. This baby could suck the hair off of a bald headed toupee salesman that isn’t wearing one. It cleans everything that I put it to test to and even things that I don’t ask it to. I’m not sure what that means but it works great.
That’s the Lazlo Report for March 27, 2007
The reason for going to Wally Mart is simple; low low prices and quantity shopping. I mean it’s not like we’re going to a bargain basement or anything but you always manage to find a pretty good deal on just about anything that you’re looking for at a pretty good price and the people that work there are pretty cool too.
Don’t even get me started on Lowe’s because the people that work there are idiots. They couldn’t find a one inch nail if you drew them a picture and gave them the scu number. Now the ladies that work the registers are ok so I wont rag on them but the rest of the staff are about as smart as dirt clods. I digress
My wife and I go to Wal-Mart probably twice a month, sometimes less, to pick up supplies for the house and when I say supplies I mean SUPPLIES! Everything from water to toilet paper and paper towels, we buy allot of stuff when we go to Wally Mart. We also have our secret recipe things that we pick up while we’re there and while I can’t tell you what they or it is, I can tell you that I can now make….. oh shit my wife is hitting me in the arm right now telling me that she’ll cut off my right one if I give out the secret.
(Taco-Bell Tacos “For Real”)
The corporation is ran by Lee Scott, CEO and probably other titles that I’m unaware of but this guy really knows how to run the show and since coming aboard has transformed Wal-Mart into a prosperous company that gives millions to the needy and billions to his employees in the way of compensation. He doesn’t have to but he just does. That’s what has made this company so successful in today’s market and the boneheads that don’t understand it are just plain stupid.
It’s quite simple; take an impoverished area and build a Wally mart. Employ about 1500 people at around $12.50 an hour (not including benefits) now while the take home pay is a little higher than let say McDonalds the person that works there can go our and buy their own health insurance IF they want to OR they can use the insurance of their spouse which some people have. For the young people, like 18yrlds, most of them live at home and need to learn what health insurance is anyway.
Then there are other employees that are full timer’s and they do have benefits. Although their bring home pay is much lower than the part-timer’s it’s because they are hired in at a lower rate of pay. There’s no way to pay someone 12.50 an hour AND give them benefits and make a profit in today’s market; there’s just no way. Watch Lee’s interview today on Neil Cavuto on Fox News to get the real inside scoop on this.
I am just telling you the way it is in the real world and it’s the plain truth. Kids today have to learn how to grow up. They need to learn how to choose which insurance company is best for them, not what company the company they work for should choose for them. Insurance is a gratuity not a right.
My wife works for a huge bank here in Ohio and without insurance we would be screwed. However, her employer offers the employees insurance “IN LIEU OF” pay. That means they have to forfeit part of their paychecks to receive this benefit, it’s not free. People always think that insurance is something that companies give you for free but they don’t; it costs you part of your paycheck.
I owned my company Corwin Electric for fourteen years and I didn’t offer insurance to anyone. What I did offer however was $12 to $25 an hour to the people that worked for me because not only wee they worth it but because if they wanted health insurance they could go out and buy it with that high of wages. It’s that simple. And even if I was paying minimum wages, and I never did, I would have only done so for a ditch digger for a day laborer and that’s it, just a one day guy. However I paid those guys $12 an hour too; digging a ditch is hard frigging work.
For all he’s doing I’ll continue to shop there. One of the things that I bought that I’m getting ready to use right now that I bought at Wal-Mart is my Shop-Vac. This baby could suck the hair off of a bald headed toupee salesman that isn’t wearing one. It cleans everything that I put it to test to and even things that I don’t ask it to. I’m not sure what that means but it works great.
That’s the Lazlo Report for March 27, 2007
More on Idol Trouble
In further investigation I have found that there is a website that I am NOT going to post at my blog to perpetuate the on going problem of voting for the worst singer therefore messing up what used to be my wife’s program called American Idol.
So it seems a bunch of degenerates have gotten together to see if they can vote for the worst singer possible and therefore screw up the odds of the better singers just as they did last year and voted in the gray haired crooner called Taylor Hicks. This guy’s records sales are so bad that even William Hung has sold more CDs than him.
Speaking of Taylor Hicks; Hicks seems to think that his style of music is just what America want to hear and I’m sorry old bean but your style went out with Billy Joel and “The Boss” Personally I hated The Boss (Bruce Springsteen) and other crappy – sappy songs like Freebird too. Hicks was and still is nothing but a lounge singer and the judges tried only to save face for the people of the country to try and let other’s know that we’re all not stupid.
But this is an orchestrated plan to make everyone in the country look stupid and if this isn’t just clear evidence of one more time than I don’t know what is. Simon Cowell has said in plenty of forums that if a “certain someone wins”, and we all he’s talking about Senjyahya, that he will not be returning next season.
In my opinion he is the Executive Producer of the show and he change the rules if wants to. Why not come up with a new system that makes it that to vote you have to be a member of the American Idol website, you have to log on to vote and you have only one vote PER PERSON.
OR. Everyone can call on the telephone but a computer checks the number and/or IP address that it’s coming from and limits it to ONE VOTE per call. No more calling in over and over as many times as you want and we can let the best man or woman win, not some little dweeb with a planted crying girl in the audience. They may not be able to say that “Thirty Million People Called in to Vote” but who cares!!! It’s just a TV show and people will still watch. It still gets a 9 point rating in the ratings, that’s killer; that’s better than the President gets on most of his speeches.
(In layman’s terms: 9% of all TV’s on are watching American Idol rather than anything else when it’s on, I’d say that’s pretty good)
So the conclusion is simple, loose the automated programs that doing all of this bogus voting or we loose a pretty nice show that started out to give talented people a chance to make it in the world like Kelly Clarkston and a few others. Once it got to Ruben Studdard I even though to myself, being a guy that weighed in at 385 pounds, who the hell aspires to be that large no matter how good your voice is. And then we got into the Disney boy and little girls thinking he was so cute; HEY! The kid from Texas was far cuter and it was not America’s choice at all. Last it got to Hicks and that was the last straw. If it turns out that these people try this shit again then Simon and the other Producers have to so something and fast before the season is over or there won’t be a next season.
One more suggestion from my wife who’s right next to me and is an avid fan and would join in a flash: If necessary, make it so that only members of the Idol Website can vote and each vote costs $0,50 and also every vote is tied to the IP address from which voter from which it came from so that we know who is voting for who, TOTAL TRANSPARENCY.
My wife is a pretty smart woman and that’s why she keeps me around.
That’s the Lazlo Report for March 27, 2007
So it seems a bunch of degenerates have gotten together to see if they can vote for the worst singer possible and therefore screw up the odds of the better singers just as they did last year and voted in the gray haired crooner called Taylor Hicks. This guy’s records sales are so bad that even William Hung has sold more CDs than him.
Speaking of Taylor Hicks; Hicks seems to think that his style of music is just what America want to hear and I’m sorry old bean but your style went out with Billy Joel and “The Boss” Personally I hated The Boss (Bruce Springsteen) and other crappy – sappy songs like Freebird too. Hicks was and still is nothing but a lounge singer and the judges tried only to save face for the people of the country to try and let other’s know that we’re all not stupid.
But this is an orchestrated plan to make everyone in the country look stupid and if this isn’t just clear evidence of one more time than I don’t know what is. Simon Cowell has said in plenty of forums that if a “certain someone wins”, and we all he’s talking about Senjyahya, that he will not be returning next season.
In my opinion he is the Executive Producer of the show and he change the rules if wants to. Why not come up with a new system that makes it that to vote you have to be a member of the American Idol website, you have to log on to vote and you have only one vote PER PERSON.
OR. Everyone can call on the telephone but a computer checks the number and/or IP address that it’s coming from and limits it to ONE VOTE per call. No more calling in over and over as many times as you want and we can let the best man or woman win, not some little dweeb with a planted crying girl in the audience. They may not be able to say that “Thirty Million People Called in to Vote” but who cares!!! It’s just a TV show and people will still watch. It still gets a 9 point rating in the ratings, that’s killer; that’s better than the President gets on most of his speeches.
(In layman’s terms: 9% of all TV’s on are watching American Idol rather than anything else when it’s on, I’d say that’s pretty good)
So the conclusion is simple, loose the automated programs that doing all of this bogus voting or we loose a pretty nice show that started out to give talented people a chance to make it in the world like Kelly Clarkston and a few others. Once it got to Ruben Studdard I even though to myself, being a guy that weighed in at 385 pounds, who the hell aspires to be that large no matter how good your voice is. And then we got into the Disney boy and little girls thinking he was so cute; HEY! The kid from Texas was far cuter and it was not America’s choice at all. Last it got to Hicks and that was the last straw. If it turns out that these people try this shit again then Simon and the other Producers have to so something and fast before the season is over or there won’t be a next season.
One more suggestion from my wife who’s right next to me and is an avid fan and would join in a flash: If necessary, make it so that only members of the Idol Website can vote and each vote costs $0,50 and also every vote is tied to the IP address from which voter from which it came from so that we know who is voting for who, TOTAL TRANSPARENCY.
My wife is a pretty smart woman and that’s why she keeps me around.
That’s the Lazlo Report for March 27, 2007
Sunday
Saturday
He's a Maniac and he is Al Gore
It’s fever he a maniac
Go ahead, hum the song; Al Gore, our former Vice President actually came up with the idea that our planet has a fever. What the fuck is he talking about? Our planet not only doesn’t have a fever but his whole theory of Global Worming is starting to sound like a ploy.
The real truth is that our sun, you know that big ass star that keeps us warm every day, hasn’t been so warm in 8,000 years and is now coming into another cycle in which it gets hotter on the earth. Every planet in our solar system is also getting warmer too. They don’t mention that in their presentation either. So are there humans on Mars driving big rigs and spewing out carbon dioxide there too? No it’s the Sun! It’s a combination of the two and MR. Gore conveniently suppresses that portion of the news.
The ploy that I am talking about is that he doesn’t think that humans, or more precise Americans, are part of the solution. So he wants the text books to be changed to say that WE, humans, are the problem and not the solution. That is the way that socialists and other Europeans think and people like movie stars can take that way of thinking and stick it up their ass.
It was that sort of thinking that made us leave England over 230 years ago and I’ll be damned if a bunch of mambie pambie socialistic tree huggers are going to change this Country into another France. France doesn’t even have a decent Marine Corp that can land on a beach without getting stuck in the mud whiles our men and women our getting killed in the name of Freedom in Iraq.
Freedom is not cheep and we have paid for it dearly; with our pain, with our dollars and with our men and women’s lives. For these people to come in and to change the rules mid stream is a travesty not only to our men and women in the field but to our Nation as a whole. Oh, I’m not saying anything that you haven’t heard before but it needs to be said over and over again.
The best Presidents that we have ever had have figured out that to succeed in office that they must understand that our forefathers stood with Jesus Christ and that they must do so themselves. Look at the denigration of our morality in the nation when Clinton was in office and when Bush became President he became a born again Christian because he understood that his forefathers we so entrenched in Christianity. Now look at the morality of the nation and tell me it hasn’t changed. But I digress
The planet may even be cooling and we don’t even know it. For all we know the iron that some very smart scientists have put into our oceans may have cooled down the waters and their plan may even work; we don’t know. There are several plans in the works but many of them are just nutty; this one however isn’t and it’s about creating microscopic marine plants in the Southern Ocean that may have played a pivotal role in the Earth's climate during past ice ages, explained Mark Brzezinski, professor of biology and deputy director of the Marine Science Institute at the University of California, Santa Barbara. These are some of the plans that are coming from the award winning, Nobel Prize Winning scientists in the scientific community but on the other hand no one else seems to have a better plan other than the Al Gore’s of the world so I am going to have to go with these guys.
Actually some of their plans aren’t all that far fetched such as putting a large sun block of sorts over the ice caps but to do so it would take monumental work on the world space community and I doubt that everybody would help, especially France. They just want the USA to go away. But if we had twenty space shuttles with supplies to build curtains with solar panels on them and a basic vinyl in between, we could probably build something in the magnitude of the size of the State of Texas.
It will take people allot smarted than me to figure all of this out but I’ll bet a dollar to a doughnut that I’m right and that this one may work. I’ll also bet that the iron in the ocean, building small tiny plants will turn out to be quite the big news in the future and that this will be our children’s new hope.
Well that’s the Lazlo Report for March 24, 2007
Go ahead, hum the song; Al Gore, our former Vice President actually came up with the idea that our planet has a fever. What the fuck is he talking about? Our planet not only doesn’t have a fever but his whole theory of Global Worming is starting to sound like a ploy.
The real truth is that our sun, you know that big ass star that keeps us warm every day, hasn’t been so warm in 8,000 years and is now coming into another cycle in which it gets hotter on the earth. Every planet in our solar system is also getting warmer too. They don’t mention that in their presentation either. So are there humans on Mars driving big rigs and spewing out carbon dioxide there too? No it’s the Sun! It’s a combination of the two and MR. Gore conveniently suppresses that portion of the news.
The ploy that I am talking about is that he doesn’t think that humans, or more precise Americans, are part of the solution. So he wants the text books to be changed to say that WE, humans, are the problem and not the solution. That is the way that socialists and other Europeans think and people like movie stars can take that way of thinking and stick it up their ass.
It was that sort of thinking that made us leave England over 230 years ago and I’ll be damned if a bunch of mambie pambie socialistic tree huggers are going to change this Country into another France. France doesn’t even have a decent Marine Corp that can land on a beach without getting stuck in the mud whiles our men and women our getting killed in the name of Freedom in Iraq.
Freedom is not cheep and we have paid for it dearly; with our pain, with our dollars and with our men and women’s lives. For these people to come in and to change the rules mid stream is a travesty not only to our men and women in the field but to our Nation as a whole. Oh, I’m not saying anything that you haven’t heard before but it needs to be said over and over again.
The best Presidents that we have ever had have figured out that to succeed in office that they must understand that our forefathers stood with Jesus Christ and that they must do so themselves. Look at the denigration of our morality in the nation when Clinton was in office and when Bush became President he became a born again Christian because he understood that his forefathers we so entrenched in Christianity. Now look at the morality of the nation and tell me it hasn’t changed. But I digress
The planet may even be cooling and we don’t even know it. For all we know the iron that some very smart scientists have put into our oceans may have cooled down the waters and their plan may even work; we don’t know. There are several plans in the works but many of them are just nutty; this one however isn’t and it’s about creating microscopic marine plants in the Southern Ocean that may have played a pivotal role in the Earth's climate during past ice ages, explained Mark Brzezinski, professor of biology and deputy director of the Marine Science Institute at the University of California, Santa Barbara. These are some of the plans that are coming from the award winning, Nobel Prize Winning scientists in the scientific community but on the other hand no one else seems to have a better plan other than the Al Gore’s of the world so I am going to have to go with these guys.
Actually some of their plans aren’t all that far fetched such as putting a large sun block of sorts over the ice caps but to do so it would take monumental work on the world space community and I doubt that everybody would help, especially France. They just want the USA to go away. But if we had twenty space shuttles with supplies to build curtains with solar panels on them and a basic vinyl in between, we could probably build something in the magnitude of the size of the State of Texas.
It will take people allot smarted than me to figure all of this out but I’ll bet a dollar to a doughnut that I’m right and that this one may work. I’ll also bet that the iron in the ocean, building small tiny plants will turn out to be quite the big news in the future and that this will be our children’s new hope.
Well that’s the Lazlo Report for March 24, 2007
Friday
Bartender Beaten
In the days of Al Capone the was a saying that “you can get more with a smile and a gun than with just a smile”; well in today’s world that has changed into a fist. The other day an off duty Copper beat the shit out of a 25 year old bar tender in a down town bar called Jessy’s Down Town Beat.
As it turns out this police officer is connected to the mob somehow and had someone go into the bar and offer this young lady some money not to prosecute. They also went in and tried telling her that if she said anything that they would plant drugs in her car and the car of the bar owner. What the fuck!
Has Chicago gone too far or what? Is the state of the Country going south and has the morality of the Country gotten to the brink of breaking down? I think that whether they are Republicans or Democrats, and the latter of the two are the worst, that there are corrupt people in all sectors of our government. We need to find them and get them out. Finding them is harder than it sounds.
I know that this sounds harsh but since President Clinton and him getting his dick sucked in the Oval Office, the morality in the country has started to go down hill. We need to do things to change this. Believing in a God is NOT a bad thing. Being told that man is destroying this planet is not the solution to our problems. We can fix the problems of the world if we stick together and work as one people and one Nation Under God as our Forefather wrote so many years ago. America is a good place and we are good people with good intentions.
God bless America.
I hope that the Bartender gets better and that she prosecutes to the fullest extent of the law. She deserves that. These thugs that perpetrated the crime need to go to jail and it’s this reporter’s opinion hat organized crime may have it’s place in places like the crap hole town that I live in since some of the Coppers (not all, just about 5%) here can be bought off is you can offer enough money to their special pedestrian funds or the Just Say No programs but I’m a realist and I fail to prescribe to that sort of intimidation.
No, sorry folks, for me I’ll stick with Jesus Christ and the righteous crusade that he was making before people just couldn’t handle his message on taking care of each other. Knowing humans though I’m sure that someone will have already figured out how to make buck on that and pushed Jesus out of hat too and that someone will have already figured out how to charge money for the services.
That’s the Lazlo Report for March 23, 2007
As it turns out this police officer is connected to the mob somehow and had someone go into the bar and offer this young lady some money not to prosecute. They also went in and tried telling her that if she said anything that they would plant drugs in her car and the car of the bar owner. What the fuck!
Has Chicago gone too far or what? Is the state of the Country going south and has the morality of the Country gotten to the brink of breaking down? I think that whether they are Republicans or Democrats, and the latter of the two are the worst, that there are corrupt people in all sectors of our government. We need to find them and get them out. Finding them is harder than it sounds.
I know that this sounds harsh but since President Clinton and him getting his dick sucked in the Oval Office, the morality in the country has started to go down hill. We need to do things to change this. Believing in a God is NOT a bad thing. Being told that man is destroying this planet is not the solution to our problems. We can fix the problems of the world if we stick together and work as one people and one Nation Under God as our Forefather wrote so many years ago. America is a good place and we are good people with good intentions.
God bless America.
I hope that the Bartender gets better and that she prosecutes to the fullest extent of the law. She deserves that. These thugs that perpetrated the crime need to go to jail and it’s this reporter’s opinion hat organized crime may have it’s place in places like the crap hole town that I live in since some of the Coppers (not all, just about 5%) here can be bought off is you can offer enough money to their special pedestrian funds or the Just Say No programs but I’m a realist and I fail to prescribe to that sort of intimidation.
No, sorry folks, for me I’ll stick with Jesus Christ and the righteous crusade that he was making before people just couldn’t handle his message on taking care of each other. Knowing humans though I’m sure that someone will have already figured out how to make buck on that and pushed Jesus out of hat too and that someone will have already figured out how to charge money for the services.
That’s the Lazlo Report for March 23, 2007
Monday
A Life In The Day
A day in my life usually starts with me waking up to the sounds of my wife getting ready for work. She starts this ritual around 6:30 am but the alarm has been going off for about a hour. The dog has also been trying to wake us up, or her shall I say, by using his nose to nestle in between the sheets and put that cold old thing on her as she tries to sleep; me I’m already half awake but I’m trying not to appear so because Joe our dog will come straight over to me.
As she’s dressing Joe tears at her cloths as a sort of a tug of war game and although she always wins he always adds an extra twenty minutes to her getting ready for work too. Next, after she’s kissed me good-bye Joe sets his sights on me and is fully active in the “I’ve got to wake them all up” department of his life. He gets me up between 8:30 and 9:00 depending if I had a bad day the day before and on his more generous days he seems to think that having wet paws is a blessing that I think is funny. Well I don’t Joe and if someone is reading this to you then please stop it.
I always have time in the morning for a little love for Joe using my hands and sort of cooing him; going back and forth using the back of my hand to make sure that he doesn’t bite me and just sort of petting him and rubbing the under side of his chin. He seems to like that and so do I.
I taught him two games since having so much time alone one of which is called “Catchin-dee-Air”. All you have to do is to put a rhythmic sound to it as I did and any dog can learn it; bee-bop sort of. “I take the ball and throw it and you catch it in the air, if you wanna play the game then you catch it in the air”. Just put it to music as I did and your dog will love it too, well maybe, I don’t know mine did.
Another game that I play with Joe in the mornings is Underdacovers. I put the same rhythmic sounds to playing this game and he seems to go crazy over what is under the covers, which are just my hands. He thinks it’s some sort of spider but its fun for the both of us.
By noon my day has taken form of what may seem to be the good life to many but to me I am bored shitless just having two dogs and an occasional phone call to talk to. Oh I write my blogs and I build web sites which is more than a lot of people do with their lives when on Disability in this day and age but I used to do so much more within a day that I almost feel obligated to do more, hmm…guess not.
Anywho, I check in with my wife and she always brightens my day with her telling me something about how her day is going or her telling me that I have to do something around the house, almost like orders for the day. It feels good to be needed ya know. So by 2:00 I am again task-less and looking forward to her arrival at around 5:pm but still thinking of her as I do almost every day.
Just about ten minutes before then, or before she gets home, both dogs go outside toward the back gate which is where we come in the house and they both sit and also wait on my wife. It’s funny to watch them do this every day. They hear the sound of her car engine as it rolls over the railroad tracks two blocks away and both come a whoppin and a hollerin, running throughout the house, nipping at every stuffed animal within an inch of it’s life. Now Joe, our small Cocker, has a problem with his piddlen everywhere and he gets pee all over the place when he gets excited. So here he is zipping around the house making little spots of pee everywhere when she isn’t even home. Needless to say that when she gets home I have to carry a couple of paper towels around and the both of us keep to the kitchen where there is linoleum until he calms down.
Meanwhile Crazy and Crazier are tearing around the house digging out every stuffed animal that I spent part of the day putting away and making pit stops into the kitchen to tinkle on our feet. We kiss and talk about how our days went.
After the dooters calm down my wife proceeds to change cloths and Joe is on the ready to help out again. He stands ready on the bed and as she disrobes he attacks he garments and shakes them violently. His favorite of course is her bra because of the Velcro or the elastic but none the less he runs around the house with it and if the neighbors ever came over at that moment it would be quite the scene.
Like most people my evenings are filled with a nice dinner, maybe some love making and that’s IF the dog doesn’t interrupt us, and then we’ll watch a movie or some TV. Very rarely do we ever fight and never do we go to bed mad at each other. This has been the success of our 22 year marriage and I am looking forward to writing another one of these columns on or at about our 50th anniversary.
I’ll tell ya, a day in my life may sound boring to some, it may sound exciting to others, it may even sound cliché, but to me it just sounds like just another day.
Such is the life of Terry L. Corwin aka Lazlo T. Hofstedder
That’s the Lazlo Report for March 20, 2007
As she’s dressing Joe tears at her cloths as a sort of a tug of war game and although she always wins he always adds an extra twenty minutes to her getting ready for work too. Next, after she’s kissed me good-bye Joe sets his sights on me and is fully active in the “I’ve got to wake them all up” department of his life. He gets me up between 8:30 and 9:00 depending if I had a bad day the day before and on his more generous days he seems to think that having wet paws is a blessing that I think is funny. Well I don’t Joe and if someone is reading this to you then please stop it.
I always have time in the morning for a little love for Joe using my hands and sort of cooing him; going back and forth using the back of my hand to make sure that he doesn’t bite me and just sort of petting him and rubbing the under side of his chin. He seems to like that and so do I.
I taught him two games since having so much time alone one of which is called “Catchin-dee-Air”. All you have to do is to put a rhythmic sound to it as I did and any dog can learn it; bee-bop sort of. “I take the ball and throw it and you catch it in the air, if you wanna play the game then you catch it in the air”. Just put it to music as I did and your dog will love it too, well maybe, I don’t know mine did.
Another game that I play with Joe in the mornings is Underdacovers. I put the same rhythmic sounds to playing this game and he seems to go crazy over what is under the covers, which are just my hands. He thinks it’s some sort of spider but its fun for the both of us.
By noon my day has taken form of what may seem to be the good life to many but to me I am bored shitless just having two dogs and an occasional phone call to talk to. Oh I write my blogs and I build web sites which is more than a lot of people do with their lives when on Disability in this day and age but I used to do so much more within a day that I almost feel obligated to do more, hmm…guess not.
Anywho, I check in with my wife and she always brightens my day with her telling me something about how her day is going or her telling me that I have to do something around the house, almost like orders for the day. It feels good to be needed ya know. So by 2:00 I am again task-less and looking forward to her arrival at around 5:pm but still thinking of her as I do almost every day.
Just about ten minutes before then, or before she gets home, both dogs go outside toward the back gate which is where we come in the house and they both sit and also wait on my wife. It’s funny to watch them do this every day. They hear the sound of her car engine as it rolls over the railroad tracks two blocks away and both come a whoppin and a hollerin, running throughout the house, nipping at every stuffed animal within an inch of it’s life. Now Joe, our small Cocker, has a problem with his piddlen everywhere and he gets pee all over the place when he gets excited. So here he is zipping around the house making little spots of pee everywhere when she isn’t even home. Needless to say that when she gets home I have to carry a couple of paper towels around and the both of us keep to the kitchen where there is linoleum until he calms down.
Meanwhile Crazy and Crazier are tearing around the house digging out every stuffed animal that I spent part of the day putting away and making pit stops into the kitchen to tinkle on our feet. We kiss and talk about how our days went.
After the dooters calm down my wife proceeds to change cloths and Joe is on the ready to help out again. He stands ready on the bed and as she disrobes he attacks he garments and shakes them violently. His favorite of course is her bra because of the Velcro or the elastic but none the less he runs around the house with it and if the neighbors ever came over at that moment it would be quite the scene.
Like most people my evenings are filled with a nice dinner, maybe some love making and that’s IF the dog doesn’t interrupt us, and then we’ll watch a movie or some TV. Very rarely do we ever fight and never do we go to bed mad at each other. This has been the success of our 22 year marriage and I am looking forward to writing another one of these columns on or at about our 50th anniversary.
I’ll tell ya, a day in my life may sound boring to some, it may sound exciting to others, it may even sound cliché, but to me it just sounds like just another day.
Such is the life of Terry L. Corwin aka Lazlo T. Hofstedder
That’s the Lazlo Report for March 20, 2007
Friday
Valerie Plame is a what
Valerie Plame finally talked today and I have been waiting to weigh in myself.
She says that she’s an agent for the US Government; oh yeah, she’s an agent, an for the Democrats and the Democratic Ticket willing to do anything and say anything so smear the President in this day and age.
She said that she didn’t send her husband to Africa to see who was buying Yellow Cake; (yellow cake is a form of low grade uranium mostly found near Niger) Well while I don’t have any evidence disputing thing I wouldn’t put it past the spies within our own government not to have had her send her husband as part of her “other job” and in doing so it was just a ploy to hurt the President regardless of how you look at it. She was used as a pawn like any other.
Understanding this whole game that they play there in Washington isn’t as hard as one might think. All you need is a vast collection of movies dating back to the 1930’s and a mind that will allow you to disconnect from reality when you need to. The people and players of these games are as real as the games that they play and Valerie Plame, while she may be a hottie to some, is just a bitter, Bush bashing blond with a new pink wardrobe hitting the circuits on Friday and no one is listening.
That’s the Lazlo Report for March 16, 2007
She says that she’s an agent for the US Government; oh yeah, she’s an agent, an for the Democrats and the Democratic Ticket willing to do anything and say anything so smear the President in this day and age.
She said that she didn’t send her husband to Africa to see who was buying Yellow Cake; (yellow cake is a form of low grade uranium mostly found near Niger) Well while I don’t have any evidence disputing thing I wouldn’t put it past the spies within our own government not to have had her send her husband as part of her “other job” and in doing so it was just a ploy to hurt the President regardless of how you look at it. She was used as a pawn like any other.
Understanding this whole game that they play there in Washington isn’t as hard as one might think. All you need is a vast collection of movies dating back to the 1930’s and a mind that will allow you to disconnect from reality when you need to. The people and players of these games are as real as the games that they play and Valerie Plame, while she may be a hottie to some, is just a bitter, Bush bashing blond with a new pink wardrobe hitting the circuits on Friday and no one is listening.
That’s the Lazlo Report for March 16, 2007
Thursday
The Inconvenient bull
The Inconvenient Truth My Round American Butt
The Inconvenient bull, a pseudonym I came up with for the name of the movie made by the former Vice President of the United States who in his movie starts off by introducing himself by saying that he was our next former President WHICH HE WASN’T! Dude, you didn’t win, get over it, or is it Tipper crying every night saying “I wanted to be another Jackie”. Oh that woman gives me the heebie-jeebies with her putting content stickers on CDs and DVDs; what’s next Tipper, burning books?
I was sort of sympathetic to his cause to a point until it came it came to the part about the election in Florida in 2000. Now what the hell does that have to do with Global warming I ask you? Nothing! Al Gore lost that election fair and square and for him to make a video about global warming and then to come on and use it for propaganda about his left wing agenda is just down right dirty as usual , playing the same political games as the Clintons as taught by James Carville. And while we’re on the subject of him bullshitting us; he did not invent the internet.
The USSR's launch of Sputnik spurred the United States to create the Advanced Research Projects Agency (ARPA, later known as the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, or DARPA) in February 1958 to regain a technological lead. ARPA created the Information Processing Technology Office (IPTO) to further the research of the Semi Automatic Ground Environment (SAGE) program, which had networked country-wide radar systems together for the first time. J. C. R. Licklider was selected to head the IPTO, and saw universal networking as a potential unifying human revolution.
In 1950, Licklider moved from the Psycho-Acoustic Laboratory at Harvard University to MIT where he served on a committee that established MIT Lincoln Laboratory. He worked on the SAGE project. In 1957 he became a Vice President at BBN, where he bought the first production PDP-1 computer and conducted the first public demonstration of time-sharing.
Licklider recruited Lawrence Roberts to head a project to implement a network, and Roberts based the technology on the work of Paul Baran who had written an exhaustive study for the U.S. Air Force that recommended packet switching (as opposed to Circuit switching) to make a network highly robust and survivable. After much work, the first node went live at UCLA on October 29, 1969 on what would be called the ARPANET, one of the "eve" networks of today's Internet
Back then they just called it networking between colleges and they would play games like crude chess and transfer term papers and stuff like that. Networking is the bases for all programming and it’s how the internet works even today but just a bit more complicated and with a little more bells and whistles. Again it wasn’t the former Vice President or anyone like him that “invented” the internet, it invented itself and we, us old time geeks, made it happen.
Back in the early 1970’s however, Robert Metcalf over at Xerox, which couldn’t have been him either, (I don’t know Maybe Al Gore was a spy too) used to use a program called Ethernet. Mr. Metcalf invented it for the printers in the building but the network had to be fast enough to drive the very fast new laser printers; and it had to connect hundreds of computers within the same building. Never before had hundreds of computers been in the same building -- at that time no one had more than one, two or maybe three computers in operation on any one premise. In 1979 the guy that invented it went off on his own to promote his idea and mostly colleges went for it at first like flying geeks to a pond.
But there’s more to this story than me just ragging on Mr. Gore about his bull too. This claim about global warming is just way too slanted to my view as well. Ok, he says that in the past 650,000 years there has been a steady record of not going over a certain level of green house gases and at this point in history MAN has taken us to a point in which we are at way over the 300 mark and that scientists don’t dispute this figure.
A) No, they don’t dispute that we are over the 300ppm figure
B) Scientists all agree that man is warming the earth, ok I can go with him on that too.
C) Notice however that his same scientists don’t jump on board to his arbitrary 650,000 year figure. Why not measure 1 million years or two million years and see if there is the same spike somewhere and I’ll bet that there will be one somewhere soon for our future. I’ll bet that we’re looking at another ice age coming.
D) That figure that he came up with could be because we’re looking at a catastrophic volcano or an impact of a comet; he doesn’t mention that does he?
E) History always repeats itself and this spike is in somehow the reproduction of something in the past to be explained by science but he fails to mention any of this.
My feeling is that souls are being let out through the ozone into the heavens because the world is coming to an end and the world is too full of souls; up to over 6 billion plus. This sounds, like I said, a little strange but Hebrews 11:1 tells us that faith is something that you can’t see, it’s just something that you know is there; you either have it or you don’t.
Next he brought up the rising temperatures across the world but in particular what happened in the Gulf Coast and Hurricane Katrina. It seems that that’s about when he kicked in with his campaign bull**** and him loosing the election and what he would have done differently had he been president. Well first of all Mr. Gore, it wasn’t President Bush’s fault that a category 3-4 hurricane hit the Gulf Coast. It was a combination of events that culminated and escalated to the breaking point and their were many people to blame, least of which were the President in my opinion.
What I would like to know is that you and Bill Clinton were in office for EIGHT YEARS before it happened, what did you do to prevent this disaster or anything about global warming for that matter, Hmmm?. How will history write it’s final analysis about you and Bill Clinton when it comes to doing something about all of this mess during the eight years while you were in office, not the “projected” four years that you wanted to get into office because everyone wants to blame things on Bush.
Naturally three quarters of the way through Mr. Gore had to pay complement to his Chinese friends saying that they are “on the cutting edge of technology” when as we know he is still under investigation for campaign contribution problems by the feds and so is the Chinese that he speaks so highly of.
Well I’ve laid the ground work for many of you so please, spend the money and go out and spend your time watching this so called documentary when all it’s really about is Al Gore whining again that he didn’t win the 2000 election and that he and a very large group of today’s scientists believe that we’re all going to die soon and that somehow it’s all George Bush’s fault. Again, that’s my opinion and as they say in Apocalypse Now: “Opinions are like assholes Red, everybody got one”, or is that “You gotta die sometime Red”; I don’t know I get the two mixed up.
That’s the Lazlo Report for March 15th, 2007
The Inconvenient bull, a pseudonym I came up with for the name of the movie made by the former Vice President of the United States who in his movie starts off by introducing himself by saying that he was our next former President WHICH HE WASN’T! Dude, you didn’t win, get over it, or is it Tipper crying every night saying “I wanted to be another Jackie”. Oh that woman gives me the heebie-jeebies with her putting content stickers on CDs and DVDs; what’s next Tipper, burning books?
I was sort of sympathetic to his cause to a point until it came it came to the part about the election in Florida in 2000. Now what the hell does that have to do with Global warming I ask you? Nothing! Al Gore lost that election fair and square and for him to make a video about global warming and then to come on and use it for propaganda about his left wing agenda is just down right dirty as usual , playing the same political games as the Clintons as taught by James Carville. And while we’re on the subject of him bullshitting us; he did not invent the internet.
The USSR's launch of Sputnik spurred the United States to create the Advanced Research Projects Agency (ARPA, later known as the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, or DARPA) in February 1958 to regain a technological lead. ARPA created the Information Processing Technology Office (IPTO) to further the research of the Semi Automatic Ground Environment (SAGE) program, which had networked country-wide radar systems together for the first time. J. C. R. Licklider was selected to head the IPTO, and saw universal networking as a potential unifying human revolution.
In 1950, Licklider moved from the Psycho-Acoustic Laboratory at Harvard University to MIT where he served on a committee that established MIT Lincoln Laboratory. He worked on the SAGE project. In 1957 he became a Vice President at BBN, where he bought the first production PDP-1 computer and conducted the first public demonstration of time-sharing.
Licklider recruited Lawrence Roberts to head a project to implement a network, and Roberts based the technology on the work of Paul Baran who had written an exhaustive study for the U.S. Air Force that recommended packet switching (as opposed to Circuit switching) to make a network highly robust and survivable. After much work, the first node went live at UCLA on October 29, 1969 on what would be called the ARPANET, one of the "eve" networks of today's Internet
Back then they just called it networking between colleges and they would play games like crude chess and transfer term papers and stuff like that. Networking is the bases for all programming and it’s how the internet works even today but just a bit more complicated and with a little more bells and whistles. Again it wasn’t the former Vice President or anyone like him that “invented” the internet, it invented itself and we, us old time geeks, made it happen.
Back in the early 1970’s however, Robert Metcalf over at Xerox, which couldn’t have been him either, (I don’t know Maybe Al Gore was a spy too) used to use a program called Ethernet. Mr. Metcalf invented it for the printers in the building but the network had to be fast enough to drive the very fast new laser printers; and it had to connect hundreds of computers within the same building. Never before had hundreds of computers been in the same building -- at that time no one had more than one, two or maybe three computers in operation on any one premise. In 1979 the guy that invented it went off on his own to promote his idea and mostly colleges went for it at first like flying geeks to a pond.
But there’s more to this story than me just ragging on Mr. Gore about his bull too. This claim about global warming is just way too slanted to my view as well. Ok, he says that in the past 650,000 years there has been a steady record of not going over a certain level of green house gases and at this point in history MAN has taken us to a point in which we are at way over the 300 mark and that scientists don’t dispute this figure.
A) No, they don’t dispute that we are over the 300ppm figure
B) Scientists all agree that man is warming the earth, ok I can go with him on that too.
C) Notice however that his same scientists don’t jump on board to his arbitrary 650,000 year figure. Why not measure 1 million years or two million years and see if there is the same spike somewhere and I’ll bet that there will be one somewhere soon for our future. I’ll bet that we’re looking at another ice age coming.
D) That figure that he came up with could be because we’re looking at a catastrophic volcano or an impact of a comet; he doesn’t mention that does he?
E) History always repeats itself and this spike is in somehow the reproduction of something in the past to be explained by science but he fails to mention any of this.
My feeling is that souls are being let out through the ozone into the heavens because the world is coming to an end and the world is too full of souls; up to over 6 billion plus. This sounds, like I said, a little strange but Hebrews 11:1 tells us that faith is something that you can’t see, it’s just something that you know is there; you either have it or you don’t.
Next he brought up the rising temperatures across the world but in particular what happened in the Gulf Coast and Hurricane Katrina. It seems that that’s about when he kicked in with his campaign bull**** and him loosing the election and what he would have done differently had he been president. Well first of all Mr. Gore, it wasn’t President Bush’s fault that a category 3-4 hurricane hit the Gulf Coast. It was a combination of events that culminated and escalated to the breaking point and their were many people to blame, least of which were the President in my opinion.
What I would like to know is that you and Bill Clinton were in office for EIGHT YEARS before it happened, what did you do to prevent this disaster or anything about global warming for that matter, Hmmm?. How will history write it’s final analysis about you and Bill Clinton when it comes to doing something about all of this mess during the eight years while you were in office, not the “projected” four years that you wanted to get into office because everyone wants to blame things on Bush.
Naturally three quarters of the way through Mr. Gore had to pay complement to his Chinese friends saying that they are “on the cutting edge of technology” when as we know he is still under investigation for campaign contribution problems by the feds and so is the Chinese that he speaks so highly of.
Well I’ve laid the ground work for many of you so please, spend the money and go out and spend your time watching this so called documentary when all it’s really about is Al Gore whining again that he didn’t win the 2000 election and that he and a very large group of today’s scientists believe that we’re all going to die soon and that somehow it’s all George Bush’s fault. Again, that’s my opinion and as they say in Apocalypse Now: “Opinions are like assholes Red, everybody got one”, or is that “You gotta die sometime Red”; I don’t know I get the two mixed up.
That’s the Lazlo Report for March 15th, 2007
Wednesday
Citgo Gas Report - March 2007
This is so important that I wasn’t to post it on the Lazlo report and have everyone copy and post it everywhere. Please DO IT!!
NEWS FLASH:
Hugo Chavez is NOW getting a Russian Weapons Factory built by Putin.
The RUSSIANS are building an AK-47 Kalashnikov Assault Rifle factory in Venezuela, to give armament support to Communist Rebel groups throughout the Americas.
Chavez NOW has IRANIANS operating his oil refineries in Venezuela for him. It is likely only a matter of time, if not already, before Chavez has Iranian built LONG RANGE missiles, with a variety of warhead types aimed at: Guess Who?
CITGO is NOW in the process of Changing Its Name to PETRO EXPRESS due to the loss of gasoline sales in the USA due to the recent publicity of ownership by Chavez of Venezuela
Every dollar you spend with CITGO or PETRO EXPRESS gasoline will be used against you, your basic human rights, and your freedom! He will start wars here in the Americas that will probably be the death of millions of free people.
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT because Chavez is starting to feel the loss of revenue from his holdings.
HE OWNS CITGO. This is a very important move that everyone should be aware of.ANNOUNCED JUST RECENTLY, CITGO, BEING AWARE THAT SALES ARE DOWN DUE TO U.S. CUSTOMERS NOT WANTING TO BUY FROM "CITGO-CHAVEZ", HAVE STARTED TO
CHANGE THE NAME OF SOME OF THEIR STORES TO: "PETRO EXPRESS"
DO NOT BUY FROM "PETRO EXPRESS "EITHER!!!
"PETRO EXPRESS" IS ALSO 100% OWNED BY "CHAVEZ." KEEP THIS MEMO GOING SO THAT EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT IS HAPPENING.
Like I say folks, Pass this on to as many people as you can and don’t buy this dude’s gas!!!
God bless
That’s the Lazlo Report for March 15th, 2007
NEWS FLASH:
Hugo Chavez is NOW getting a Russian Weapons Factory built by Putin.
The RUSSIANS are building an AK-47 Kalashnikov Assault Rifle factory in Venezuela, to give armament support to Communist Rebel groups throughout the Americas.
Chavez NOW has IRANIANS operating his oil refineries in Venezuela for him. It is likely only a matter of time, if not already, before Chavez has Iranian built LONG RANGE missiles, with a variety of warhead types aimed at: Guess Who?
CITGO is NOW in the process of Changing Its Name to PETRO EXPRESS due to the loss of gasoline sales in the USA due to the recent publicity of ownership by Chavez of Venezuela
Every dollar you spend with CITGO or PETRO EXPRESS gasoline will be used against you, your basic human rights, and your freedom! He will start wars here in the Americas that will probably be the death of millions of free people.
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT because Chavez is starting to feel the loss of revenue from his holdings.
HE OWNS CITGO. This is a very important move that everyone should be aware of.ANNOUNCED JUST RECENTLY, CITGO, BEING AWARE THAT SALES ARE DOWN DUE TO U.S. CUSTOMERS NOT WANTING TO BUY FROM "CITGO-CHAVEZ", HAVE STARTED TO
CHANGE THE NAME OF SOME OF THEIR STORES TO: "PETRO EXPRESS"
DO NOT BUY FROM "PETRO EXPRESS "EITHER!!!
"PETRO EXPRESS" IS ALSO 100% OWNED BY "CHAVEZ." KEEP THIS MEMO GOING SO THAT EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT IS HAPPENING.
Like I say folks, Pass this on to as many people as you can and don’t buy this dude’s gas!!!
God bless
That’s the Lazlo Report for March 15th, 2007
Thompson for President
From Actor to Senator to President; I'm Game
Senator Fred Thompson is sending out an exploratory committee to see whether or not it would be viable for him to run for President in 2008. In my opinion he would not only be a good choice for President but he is probably the best choice we have for President.
Thompson, a Senator from Tennessee was born in Sheffield, Ala. in 1942. He attended Memphis State University in 1964 where he graduated; he was admitted to the Tennessee bar in 1967 and commenced the practice of law; was the assistant US attorney from 1969 to1972; minority counsel, Senate Select Committee on Presidential Campaign Activities (“Watergate Committee”) from 1973 to1974 (pretty impressive for a 21yrld); special counsel to Tennessee Governor Lamar Alexander in 1980; special counsel, Senate Committee on Foreign Relations from 1980 to1981; special counsel, Senate Intelligence Committee in1982; member, Tennessee Appellate Court Nominating Commission from 1985 to1987; actor; elected as a Republican to the United States Senate in the November 8, 1994, special election to fill the unexpired portion of the term ending January 3, 1997, left vacant by the resignation of Albert Gore, Jr.; took the oath of office on December 2, 1994; reelected in 1996 for the term ending January 3, 2003; not a candidate for reelection in 2002; held chair, Committee on Governmental Affairs (One Hundred Fifth and One Hundred Sixth Congresses; One Hundred Seventh Congress [January 20, 2001-June 6, 2001]); Mr. Thompson resumed his acting career.
So although Mr. Thompson no longer sits on any committees, even though he no longer works anywhere near Washington DC for that matter I would still not only vote for the man but I would campaign for him; and I’ll tell you why. Just look at the above resume’ and then watch him in action on the Senate floor, look at his track record in voting and last of all look at the difference between his acting and his government work face, there isn’t any, they’re the same which means that he’s incredibly honest or the perfect actor and there isn’t one. (you’ll have to get out the VCR to do what I just described)
Oh I’ve heard the stories about when Mr. Thompson was running for the Senate and he bought a brand new red pick up truck and drove around Tennessee with Al Gore following behind on his moped while Tipper rode the skate board, (she probably needed the exorcize anyway, don’t know wasn’t my joke) anyway supposedly one guy says ”ey man, wuts see shuuten dem dur trash bags fur anyhow?” My sincerest apologies to my friends in Tennessee for the past use of verbiage, it was completely unnecessary to get my point across but realism is just so fun sometimes. The reason for bringing that story up is that he had the will power to campaign in a state that he wasn’t born in.
Now you have to figure that if you were going to run for an office as high as Senator that you would run in the state in which you were born; heads up Mrs. Clinton. But Mr. Thompson ran against Al Gore who surprisingly was born in Washington DC so he was a transplant himself. Personally I think the reason he won that race was the same reason the Republicans were winning all over the US at the time and that was that the people were sick of the Clintons and anyone who were related to the Clintons. This however doesn’t explain Hilary’s climb up the ladder but that’s another story, one that I hope not to have to tell.
Today’s America is filled with too much debauchery; if you read some of my earlier blogs I have written plenty about it. I’ve written about the Seven Deadly Sins and how someone is messing with them. I’ve written about God and how much it means to me and how everyone should take a closer look at Him in their lives. I’ve written about allot of things but I’ve kept on track when it comes to my mission and that is to spread His word and to speak my mind on whatever issue is important to me on any given day. Well today it’s Fred Thompson and I think he should run for President.
From another blog site from which there were thousands of postings just like the following, this is just a random picken’s that I plucked out and copied:
“Fred Dalton Thompson is a man of integrity, strength of character, intelligence and experience. He was a great senator for Tennessee during his time in Washington. We were fortunate to have his wonderful service to our great Volunteer state. Our country would prosper and regain its military strength and world-wide respect under this great American as the leader of the free world”
So as you can see I’m not the only one that feels that Fred Dalton Thompson would make a great 47th President in 2008.
The only way to help this country is to not spend dollars outside of the US. Don’t go on vacation to Europe and give your money to the French or the Germans anymore. Don’t give it away to large corporations like Visa and MasterCard so that the money goes out of the country anyway; keep it here in the US where it belongs. Take your family to the Grand Canyon but drive there and stay at the mom & pop places. Spend your vacation money at small business’ that make America grow instead of making big business grow because those dollars of yours are not staying here in the US; they go to Saudi Arabia when you buy certain types of gasoline, they go down to butthole boy when you buy Citgo Gas and I think it’s only Atlantic Richfield who at least we’ve merged with the British Petroleum Company. If our dollars are going to go out of the US I rather see them go to the UK than the Middle East. Now, ask me why and it’s because of us having to spend so much money fighting a war on terror which is something that Fred Thompson also knows allot about.
Not just because he’s an actor and has played all of those really cool aircraft carrier movies, no; because he was on the Senate Select Intelligence Committee which are to the people who know their shit, to put it bluntly, a bad ass Senate-man. He’s dinned with world leaders and he’s been in our Strategic Command Center. He’s acted with the likes of the Baldwins to the Zegwellers and it cracks me up that in one person’s website I read that he always portrays a roll of the “big head redneck” where he comes to the rescue at the last minute usually in a military or political role. Hmmm, and that sometimes, even as he started his acting career, he played himself allot; well duh! That’s who he is, that’s what he does for a living, or did anyway.
With any help though he’ll be back and hopefully he can make a few extra dollars making a movie called “While I Was in Office” and I can help produce it. We’ll keep it under wraps until the Senator is out of office and then show off his amazing talents for bringing down the Taliban once and for all, paying off the National debt, bringing down gasoline prices and then seeking out and destroying our worst enemy, well ok we’ll leave old Hillary alone.
That’s the Lazlo Report for March 12, 2007
Senator Fred Thompson is sending out an exploratory committee to see whether or not it would be viable for him to run for President in 2008. In my opinion he would not only be a good choice for President but he is probably the best choice we have for President.
Thompson, a Senator from Tennessee was born in Sheffield, Ala. in 1942. He attended Memphis State University in 1964 where he graduated; he was admitted to the Tennessee bar in 1967 and commenced the practice of law; was the assistant US attorney from 1969 to1972; minority counsel, Senate Select Committee on Presidential Campaign Activities (“Watergate Committee”) from 1973 to1974 (pretty impressive for a 21yrld); special counsel to Tennessee Governor Lamar Alexander in 1980; special counsel, Senate Committee on Foreign Relations from 1980 to1981; special counsel, Senate Intelligence Committee in1982; member, Tennessee Appellate Court Nominating Commission from 1985 to1987; actor; elected as a Republican to the United States Senate in the November 8, 1994, special election to fill the unexpired portion of the term ending January 3, 1997, left vacant by the resignation of Albert Gore, Jr.; took the oath of office on December 2, 1994; reelected in 1996 for the term ending January 3, 2003; not a candidate for reelection in 2002; held chair, Committee on Governmental Affairs (One Hundred Fifth and One Hundred Sixth Congresses; One Hundred Seventh Congress [January 20, 2001-June 6, 2001]); Mr. Thompson resumed his acting career.
So although Mr. Thompson no longer sits on any committees, even though he no longer works anywhere near Washington DC for that matter I would still not only vote for the man but I would campaign for him; and I’ll tell you why. Just look at the above resume’ and then watch him in action on the Senate floor, look at his track record in voting and last of all look at the difference between his acting and his government work face, there isn’t any, they’re the same which means that he’s incredibly honest or the perfect actor and there isn’t one. (you’ll have to get out the VCR to do what I just described)
Oh I’ve heard the stories about when Mr. Thompson was running for the Senate and he bought a brand new red pick up truck and drove around Tennessee with Al Gore following behind on his moped while Tipper rode the skate board, (she probably needed the exorcize anyway, don’t know wasn’t my joke) anyway supposedly one guy says ”ey man, wuts see shuuten dem dur trash bags fur anyhow?” My sincerest apologies to my friends in Tennessee for the past use of verbiage, it was completely unnecessary to get my point across but realism is just so fun sometimes. The reason for bringing that story up is that he had the will power to campaign in a state that he wasn’t born in.
Now you have to figure that if you were going to run for an office as high as Senator that you would run in the state in which you were born; heads up Mrs. Clinton. But Mr. Thompson ran against Al Gore who surprisingly was born in Washington DC so he was a transplant himself. Personally I think the reason he won that race was the same reason the Republicans were winning all over the US at the time and that was that the people were sick of the Clintons and anyone who were related to the Clintons. This however doesn’t explain Hilary’s climb up the ladder but that’s another story, one that I hope not to have to tell.
Today’s America is filled with too much debauchery; if you read some of my earlier blogs I have written plenty about it. I’ve written about the Seven Deadly Sins and how someone is messing with them. I’ve written about God and how much it means to me and how everyone should take a closer look at Him in their lives. I’ve written about allot of things but I’ve kept on track when it comes to my mission and that is to spread His word and to speak my mind on whatever issue is important to me on any given day. Well today it’s Fred Thompson and I think he should run for President.
From another blog site from which there were thousands of postings just like the following, this is just a random picken’s that I plucked out and copied:
“Fred Dalton Thompson is a man of integrity, strength of character, intelligence and experience. He was a great senator for Tennessee during his time in Washington. We were fortunate to have his wonderful service to our great Volunteer state. Our country would prosper and regain its military strength and world-wide respect under this great American as the leader of the free world”
So as you can see I’m not the only one that feels that Fred Dalton Thompson would make a great 47th President in 2008.
The only way to help this country is to not spend dollars outside of the US. Don’t go on vacation to Europe and give your money to the French or the Germans anymore. Don’t give it away to large corporations like Visa and MasterCard so that the money goes out of the country anyway; keep it here in the US where it belongs. Take your family to the Grand Canyon but drive there and stay at the mom & pop places. Spend your vacation money at small business’ that make America grow instead of making big business grow because those dollars of yours are not staying here in the US; they go to Saudi Arabia when you buy certain types of gasoline, they go down to butthole boy when you buy Citgo Gas and I think it’s only Atlantic Richfield who at least we’ve merged with the British Petroleum Company. If our dollars are going to go out of the US I rather see them go to the UK than the Middle East. Now, ask me why and it’s because of us having to spend so much money fighting a war on terror which is something that Fred Thompson also knows allot about.
Not just because he’s an actor and has played all of those really cool aircraft carrier movies, no; because he was on the Senate Select Intelligence Committee which are to the people who know their shit, to put it bluntly, a bad ass Senate-man. He’s dinned with world leaders and he’s been in our Strategic Command Center. He’s acted with the likes of the Baldwins to the Zegwellers and it cracks me up that in one person’s website I read that he always portrays a roll of the “big head redneck” where he comes to the rescue at the last minute usually in a military or political role. Hmmm, and that sometimes, even as he started his acting career, he played himself allot; well duh! That’s who he is, that’s what he does for a living, or did anyway.
With any help though he’ll be back and hopefully he can make a few extra dollars making a movie called “While I Was in Office” and I can help produce it. We’ll keep it under wraps until the Senator is out of office and then show off his amazing talents for bringing down the Taliban once and for all, paying off the National debt, bringing down gasoline prices and then seeking out and destroying our worst enemy, well ok we’ll leave old Hillary alone.
That’s the Lazlo Report for March 12, 2007
Friday
American Idol Too
By the way, you're welcome for the free advertising but that's not the reason for part two. Ny reason for part two is that that for some reason the judges think that by kissing America's ass' that they are going to start to vote better and start to just vote by voice quality alone.
WRONG!!!
Nothing could be further from the truth my friends. As we sit here behind our glass plated shields each week we want to hear the truth from them not a bunch of ass kissing, racially motivated crap coming out of their mouths because of your producers having to fight off law suits because Simon saying something stupid to a fat person or any three to a person of other color.
Be real and America won't vote in stupid people and you won't have to act like you're surprised each week there Judgareno's.
That's The Lazlo Report for March 9th, 2007
WRONG!!!
Nothing could be further from the truth my friends. As we sit here behind our glass plated shields each week we want to hear the truth from them not a bunch of ass kissing, racially motivated crap coming out of their mouths because of your producers having to fight off law suits because Simon saying something stupid to a fat person or any three to a person of other color.
Be real and America won't vote in stupid people and you won't have to act like you're surprised each week there Judgareno's.
That's The Lazlo Report for March 9th, 2007
Wednesday
American Idol is Rigged, in My Opinion
Up until 2003 or 4 the TV show American Idol was a show that did a fine job of judging young people on their talent in singing in a singing competition show. That all changed with the onset of the automatic dialer, something that anyone with half a brain can download off of the Internet. This was never so apparent when last year the public voted an almost fully gray hair man named Taylor Hicks as its American Idol.
During the show Hicks sang songs that boarded on living room performances and at best lounge acts at the local Travel Lodge. As time went on and with the help of the producers at Fox he got better and I feel that he obtained the status of maybe an opening act to someone else on American Idle but truly no one of no real stature and certainly no big name venue. Bare in mind that Fox and it’s producers like Nigel Lythgoe and Simon Cowell are looking for marketability in the future and record sales too. They weren’t counting on some old guy and this fictitious “soul patrol” as Randy Jackson coined the phrase to catch on but then they underestimated the power of the Internet as well.
In one such part of the plot; On the April 25th show, whose theme was Greatest Love Songs and featured guest coaches Andrea Bocelli and David Foster, executive producer Nigel Lythgoe forced contestant Taylor Hicks to change his song a day before air time (and the same day as the dress rehearsal). Hicks' chosen song was "Try a Little Tenderness," but Lythgoe, in a radio interview, claimed the song was more appropriate for a Blues Brothers week and was not a song that Andrea Bocelli would sing. Hicks changed his song at the last minute to "Just Once" (James Ingram) and appeared very uncomfortable on stage. Hicks fans were distressed, feeling that a) Hicks' original choice of song was very appropriate to the theme; b) The producers changed the song at the last minute even though they must have known Hicks' choice the previous week as they must obtain clearance for all songs; c) Lythgoe's statement that it was not a song Andrea Bocelli would sing was dubious, as other song choices that were approved were songs sung by Bryan Adams ("Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman," sung by Chris Daughtry) and Donny Hathaway ("A Song for You," sung by Elliott Yamin)
So why did he do that; was it because they could obviously see that the people were voting for this no name person no matter what they did and there was nothing they could do about it?...well yeah..duh But it didn’t do any good and pushing for Elliott Yamin which we all could see that the judges were doing did no good at all.
I mean he was pretty good and everything but he wasn’t the best of the group either. Everyone who watched the show last year knows for sure that the winner should have been Chris Daughtry, but that’s not what this blog is about. It’s about whether or not the American Idol contest is rigged and whether or not you believe it.
This year there’s also obvious bios when it comes to female vocalists, whether it be with the public or the judges or both. It’s obvious to me at least that between the three judges that they only prefer African American females and as for the males there is no preference. Not that I’m calling anyone a racist but it’s clear that the first to go are the white girls this year regardless of their singing abilities and regardless of their marketabilities. There’s also, because of other prior threat of law suits I suppose, one person of size picked again this year for the third time that I can recall. There was Ruben then Mandisa and now Lakisha. In between Ruben and Mandisa I believe there was the threat of a law suit from the Large Persons of America or something like that.
I think that a couple of years ago the bulk of America with the power if the Internet behind them figured out that the first part of the show was scripted like a sit-com. You’ll have your over-weight but great singing person that Simon makes a joke about at first and then has to apologize to later on.
Then you’ll have the cutesy blond or brunette who makes silly comments and makes us all laugh early enough on so that the audience just loves her. It could be two of them but they get kicked off anyway.
Then you’ll have the adorable young heart throb. Last year we had 'Chicken Little' and this year it’s Sanjaya Malakar who frankly I have no nickname for without sounding racist myself. There are some out there though that I heard but I’m not posting them.. Well ok, I think if thirty million people can watch him sing then I can just pray that half that many will be pissed that I made a bad joke with his name. Ok; Camel Singer and we’ll leave it at that. My point is that they’ll always have the cute young boy for the teenie-girls to go for and then he’ll get voted off for sure.
Next you’ll have the bitch. Last year; Brenda, this year, can anyone say “God loves good people”? My goodness how sacrilegious can you get; and on National TV?
So what can be done? What is the answer for the producers that came up with the rules that you can call as many times as you want for your favorite contestant. Well I have a suggestion for them now that the cat is out of the bag, presuming that they know about this little glitch in their system and presuming that they even care; come up with their own telephone answering that detects any one telephone number calling in more than, let say, 50 times and let that be the limit on how may times each telephone or IP address can cast a vote. With the advent of high speed internet it’s possible to set a computer to redial for two hours and get in probably 2,000 votes and if you times that by a consortium of 200 geeks that equals 400,000 votes. Just think if it were 2,000 geeks or more. Remember as I said in the beginning of this blog, you can download this sort of program or buy it for $39.00 just about anywhere.
I don’t know who’s going to win this year’s American Idol. All of the men seem like they are winners, my money’ on Blake. The girls are all pretty good too. What it looks like is that the producers are on to what I just described above but instead of taking the honest route however they chose to take the usual Hollywood approach and played it as they always do. Reverse bigotry and putting in only talented people. No goofs this year, except for maybe Sanjaya but he does have a pretty nice voice, just not American Idol standards. America has the choice to make this year; embarrass us again or don’t, it’s that simple in my opinion.
If you’re gonna pick someone for American Idol then pick someone who is an excellent singer, can draw them in the stadiums, can WOW them in record sales and is someone who America aspires to look like. That’s what an “Idol” is, Get it? “I.D.O.L.” look it up in the dictionary, man. An idol is something that you worship so much that you wish you could become that in which you idolize. Now do you know anyone that wants to look like Ruben Studdard? Or look like Taylor Hicks? I didn’t think so. Sound like them sure.
And what is this crap tonight’s about the girls sounding better than the guy’s last night? Randy Jackson; Are you smoking dope Dude? The guys last night did a great job and Jordan, while doing an ok job with her song wasn’t high enough with her rendition of her Pat Benitar song for me. And last night the judges not knowing a 311 song when here in Ohio we, at age 48, we all know it? What’s up with that?
There seems to be something wrong with Idol and like I said I think it’s rigged… or just plain broke. In this case, if it’s broke, please fix it!
That’s the Lazlo Report for March 7, 2007
During the show Hicks sang songs that boarded on living room performances and at best lounge acts at the local Travel Lodge. As time went on and with the help of the producers at Fox he got better and I feel that he obtained the status of maybe an opening act to someone else on American Idle but truly no one of no real stature and certainly no big name venue. Bare in mind that Fox and it’s producers like Nigel Lythgoe and Simon Cowell are looking for marketability in the future and record sales too. They weren’t counting on some old guy and this fictitious “soul patrol” as Randy Jackson coined the phrase to catch on but then they underestimated the power of the Internet as well.
In one such part of the plot; On the April 25th show, whose theme was Greatest Love Songs and featured guest coaches Andrea Bocelli and David Foster, executive producer Nigel Lythgoe forced contestant Taylor Hicks to change his song a day before air time (and the same day as the dress rehearsal). Hicks' chosen song was "Try a Little Tenderness," but Lythgoe, in a radio interview, claimed the song was more appropriate for a Blues Brothers week and was not a song that Andrea Bocelli would sing. Hicks changed his song at the last minute to "Just Once" (James Ingram) and appeared very uncomfortable on stage. Hicks fans were distressed, feeling that a) Hicks' original choice of song was very appropriate to the theme; b) The producers changed the song at the last minute even though they must have known Hicks' choice the previous week as they must obtain clearance for all songs; c) Lythgoe's statement that it was not a song Andrea Bocelli would sing was dubious, as other song choices that were approved were songs sung by Bryan Adams ("Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman," sung by Chris Daughtry) and Donny Hathaway ("A Song for You," sung by Elliott Yamin)
So why did he do that; was it because they could obviously see that the people were voting for this no name person no matter what they did and there was nothing they could do about it?...well yeah..duh But it didn’t do any good and pushing for Elliott Yamin which we all could see that the judges were doing did no good at all.
I mean he was pretty good and everything but he wasn’t the best of the group either. Everyone who watched the show last year knows for sure that the winner should have been Chris Daughtry, but that’s not what this blog is about. It’s about whether or not the American Idol contest is rigged and whether or not you believe it.
This year there’s also obvious bios when it comes to female vocalists, whether it be with the public or the judges or both. It’s obvious to me at least that between the three judges that they only prefer African American females and as for the males there is no preference. Not that I’m calling anyone a racist but it’s clear that the first to go are the white girls this year regardless of their singing abilities and regardless of their marketabilities. There’s also, because of other prior threat of law suits I suppose, one person of size picked again this year for the third time that I can recall. There was Ruben then Mandisa and now Lakisha. In between Ruben and Mandisa I believe there was the threat of a law suit from the Large Persons of America or something like that.
I think that a couple of years ago the bulk of America with the power if the Internet behind them figured out that the first part of the show was scripted like a sit-com. You’ll have your over-weight but great singing person that Simon makes a joke about at first and then has to apologize to later on.
Then you’ll have the cutesy blond or brunette who makes silly comments and makes us all laugh early enough on so that the audience just loves her. It could be two of them but they get kicked off anyway.
Then you’ll have the adorable young heart throb. Last year we had 'Chicken Little' and this year it’s Sanjaya Malakar who frankly I have no nickname for without sounding racist myself. There are some out there though that I heard but I’m not posting them.. Well ok, I think if thirty million people can watch him sing then I can just pray that half that many will be pissed that I made a bad joke with his name. Ok; Camel Singer and we’ll leave it at that. My point is that they’ll always have the cute young boy for the teenie-girls to go for and then he’ll get voted off for sure.
Next you’ll have the bitch. Last year; Brenda, this year, can anyone say “God loves good people”? My goodness how sacrilegious can you get; and on National TV?
So what can be done? What is the answer for the producers that came up with the rules that you can call as many times as you want for your favorite contestant. Well I have a suggestion for them now that the cat is out of the bag, presuming that they know about this little glitch in their system and presuming that they even care; come up with their own telephone answering that detects any one telephone number calling in more than, let say, 50 times and let that be the limit on how may times each telephone or IP address can cast a vote. With the advent of high speed internet it’s possible to set a computer to redial for two hours and get in probably 2,000 votes and if you times that by a consortium of 200 geeks that equals 400,000 votes. Just think if it were 2,000 geeks or more. Remember as I said in the beginning of this blog, you can download this sort of program or buy it for $39.00 just about anywhere.
I don’t know who’s going to win this year’s American Idol. All of the men seem like they are winners, my money’ on Blake. The girls are all pretty good too. What it looks like is that the producers are on to what I just described above but instead of taking the honest route however they chose to take the usual Hollywood approach and played it as they always do. Reverse bigotry and putting in only talented people. No goofs this year, except for maybe Sanjaya but he does have a pretty nice voice, just not American Idol standards. America has the choice to make this year; embarrass us again or don’t, it’s that simple in my opinion.
If you’re gonna pick someone for American Idol then pick someone who is an excellent singer, can draw them in the stadiums, can WOW them in record sales and is someone who America aspires to look like. That’s what an “Idol” is, Get it? “I.D.O.L.” look it up in the dictionary, man. An idol is something that you worship so much that you wish you could become that in which you idolize. Now do you know anyone that wants to look like Ruben Studdard? Or look like Taylor Hicks? I didn’t think so. Sound like them sure.
And what is this crap tonight’s about the girls sounding better than the guy’s last night? Randy Jackson; Are you smoking dope Dude? The guys last night did a great job and Jordan, while doing an ok job with her song wasn’t high enough with her rendition of her Pat Benitar song for me. And last night the judges not knowing a 311 song when here in Ohio we, at age 48, we all know it? What’s up with that?
There seems to be something wrong with Idol and like I said I think it’s rigged… or just plain broke. In this case, if it’s broke, please fix it!
That’s the Lazlo Report for March 7, 2007
Tuesday
No More Scandal 4 The DNC
Back in 1997 there was still a problem with their campaign financing that hasn’t gone away. Oh sure, it’s out of the news, the main stream media has forgotten about it, but not me. I’m still on the case because I don’t want Hillary Clinton, or even an adopted child of the Clintons, knowing that their red-headed real child ain’t gonna run and if she did ain’t no body gonna vote for her either.
In mid-1995, the President and his strategists decided that they needed to raise and spend many millions of dollars over and above the permissible limits of the Presidential campaign funding law if the President was going to be reelected. They devised a legal theory to support their needs and proceeded to raise and spend $44 million in excess of the Presidential campaign spending limits.
In mid-1995, the President and his strategists decided that they needed to raise and spend many millions of dollars over and above the permissible limits of the Presidential campaign funding law if the President was going to be reelected. They devised a legal theory to support their needs and proceeded to raise and spend $44 million in excess of the Presidential campaign spending limits.
The lengths to which the Clinton/Gore campaign and the White House-controlled Democratic National Committee were willing to go in order to raise this amount of money is essentially the story of the 1996 Presidential campaign scandal. The President and his aides demeaned the offices of the President and Vice President, took advantage of minority groups, pulled down all the barriers that would normally be in place to keep out illegal contributions, pressured policy makers, and left themselves open to strong suspicion that they were selling not only access to high-ranking officials, but policy as well. Millions of dollars were raised in illegal contributions, much of it from foreign sources. When these abuses were discovered, the result was numerous Fifth Amendment claims, flights from the country, and stonewalling from the White House and the DNC.
Over a brief period of three months of hearings, the Committee was able to fulfill its responsibility in laying out the available facts to the American people. A much clearer picture of what happened during the 1996 Presidential campaign has been developed and presented.
However, many questions remain unanswered. It is now the responsibility of the Attorney General or, more appropriately, an independent counsel to take these facts and aggressively pursue any and all indications of criminal wrong-doing. Indeed, the three most important legal developments to come out of the 1996 campaign finance scandal are all attributable to the investigation conducted by the Committee on Governmental Affairs. First, Yah Lin “Charlie” Trie, an associate of the President, has been indicted for, among other things, obstruction of the Committee’s investigation. Second, Maria Hsia, a prominent Democratic fundraiser, has been indicted for laundering campaign contributions that were a focus of the Committee’s inquiry. Finally, the Attorney General has requested appointment of an independent counsel to determine whether Secretary of the Interior Bruce Babbitt lied to the committee.
Despite the delaying tactics of the White House and DNC, the Committee developed a great deal of information in a relatively short period of time. Large numbers of documents had been received from many sources, and depositions and interviews were being conducted. In addition, on June 6, 1997, three members of the majority staff, two detailed FBI agents, and one member of the minority staff undertook an investigative trip to Hong Kong, Taiwan, Macao, and Indonesia to collect information and interview witnesses.
They succeeded in giving the American people a boat load of information that would normally never have become public in the absence of the Committee’s investigation. It was not always the Committee itself that released the information, but it was the Committee that was responsible for the release of it. Example; the White House released allot of information to the media before giving it to the Committee. None of that would have been publicly disclosed without the Committee’s demands for the information from the White House. Giving clearance to the public’s right to know, more than offering assuptions and conjectures and /or reaching any political heights, was really the job of the special investigation, and the Committee if they succeeded in satisfying this first purpose.
A second reason for the inquiry and hearings was to fully lay out the operation of the current framework for Federal elections. For Congress to legislate and govern effectively, it must conduct routine oversight to learn how the government is functioning. Congress also has a responsibility to examine the operation of current laws on the government and private parties. This Committee is particularly well-suited to conduct such a broad oversight inquiry into the multifarious elements of this scandal because it has the broadest oversight jurisdiction in the Senate: “to study or investigate the efficiency and economy of operations of all branches of the Government.”
When the 105th Congress convened in early January 1997, Senator Fred Thompson (RTN) was confirmed as the chairman of the Committee. On January 7, 1997, Chairman Thompson named Hannah Sistare as staff director of the Committee and hired Michael J. Madigan, a partner in the Washington, D.C., law firm of Akin, Gump, Strauss, Hauer & Feld, to serve as chief counsel for the special investigation into campaign fundraising abuses in the 1996 elections. Senator John Glenn (D-OH) was selected as the ranking minority member of the Committee, and he named former Senate Legal Counsel Michael Davidson to serve as minority chief counsel for the special investigation.
Of perhaps equal importance to the information the Committee was gathering, however, was the information the Committee was unable to obtain. Thirty-five witnesses with information relevant to the Committee’s investigation asserted the Fifth Amendment right against selfincrimination and refused to testify and/or produce documents in response to a Committee subpoena. In late June, the Committee began considering whether to grant immunity to some of the witnesses who had invoked their Fifth Amendment right. On June 27, the Committee voted to confer immunity on four witnesses. On July 23, the Committee voted to immunize another five witnesses. Thus, the Committee voted to immunize nine witnesses, five of whom eventually testified in open session during the Committee’s hearings. An additional ten potential witnesses fled the country and were beyond the Committee’s ability to issue legal process. The Committee was unable to contact any of these individuals during the staff’s foreign trip. While the Committee was able to interview a number of foreign witnesses during that trip, 12 potential foreign witnesses who were contacted refused requests for interviews, among whom were some of the most important, including James Riady and Ng Lap Seng.
Now, while this all sounds like the plot to an epesode to an old Roky and Bulwikle with agents being put into the back of a black car and shuffled off in hopes of finding the key to the Upsadaisium mind only to find that their plans are spoiled by “Moose und Squirle” even when mines go off from nearby hhsshhaboomerum, it isn’t it is a very real investigation with very real people that have commotied crimes. They just want you to think it’s not real and that what they did was funny in some way; well I’m not laughing and you shouldn’t either.
So if you’re courious yourself and want to look into this, please do so. In the meanwhile I plan to keep you abreast of the sitsuation as it comes up in this blog. I will post more as I come across it and I wont hold anything back.
By the way, at the top I have writen an address for you to contact the Whitehouse. Do so and contact someone and demand that something still be done. I did.
That’s The lazlo Report for March 6, 2007
Saturday
Joke Page 2
This page, like the other joke page, will be updated once in a while with new jokes at the top pushing the older ones down and keeping all of them.
************************************************************************************* (This joke just cracked me up and I know that I don't normally don't post on the weekednd but I had to post this from my Aunt in Texas)
:) means a smile and
:( is a frown.
Sometimes these are represented by
:-)
:-(
Well, how about some "ASSICONS?"
Here goes:
(_!_) a regular ass
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_*_) a sore ass
{_!_} a swishy ass
(_o_) an ass that's been around
(_x_) kiss my ass
(_X_) leave my ass alone
(_zzz_) a tired ass
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass
(_2+1=4_) a Dumb Ass 1
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass
(_?_) Dumb Ass 2
You have just been e-mooned!
*************************************************************************************
Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS.
But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what;
metal,
wood,
stone,
anything she touched would melt.
Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.
The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king,
"If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."
The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.
The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.
THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.
The first brought a sword of the finest steel.
But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted.
The prince went away sadly.
The second prince brought diamonds.
He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.
But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted.
He too was sent away disappointed.
:-[
The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there."
The princess did as she was told, though she turned red.
She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!!
The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.
Question: What was in the prince's pants?
(Scroll down for the answer)
M&M's of course.
They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
What were you thinking??
************************************************************************************* (This joke just cracked me up and I know that I don't normally don't post on the weekednd but I had to post this from my Aunt in Texas)
Last week while in Westbrook, Maine, I purchased a burger and fries at McDonalds for $3.58.
The counter girl took my $4.00 and I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies. While looking at the screen on her register, I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried.
Why do I tell you this?
Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:
Teaching Math In 1950
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
Teaching Math In 1960
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
Teaching Math In 1970
A logger sells a truckload of l umber for $100. His cost of production is $80.
Did he make a profit?
Teaching Math In 1980
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20
Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
Teaching Math In 1990
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living?
Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers.)
Teaching Math In 2007
Un ranchero vende una carretera de madera para $100. El cuesto de la produccion era $80. Cuantos tortillas se puede comprar
*************************************************************************************
These are so cool that I had to re-post them from an email from my sister Dotty: *************************************************************************************
:) means a smile and
:( is a frown.
Sometimes these are represented by
:-)
:-(
Well, how about some "ASSICONS?"
Here goes:
(_!_) a regular ass
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_*_) a sore ass
{_!_} a swishy ass
(_o_) an ass that's been around
(_x_) kiss my ass
(_X_) leave my ass alone
(_zzz_) a tired ass
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass
(_2+1=4_) a Dumb Ass 1
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass
(_?_) Dumb Ass 2
You have just been e-mooned!
*************************************************************************************
Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS.
But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what;
metal,
wood,
stone,
anything she touched would melt.
Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.
The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king,
"If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."
The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.
The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.
THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.
The first brought a sword of the finest steel.
But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted.
The prince went away sadly.
The second prince brought diamonds.
He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.
But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted.
He too was sent away disappointed.
:-[
The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there."
The princess did as she was told, though she turned red.
She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!!
The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.
Question: What was in the prince's pants?
(Scroll down for the answer)
M&M's of course.
They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
What were you thinking??
Thursday
Dog Tripper
In the need for a quick subject for a blog I asked the Lord this afternoon on what to write about and he told me to write about the pain in my back and what happened when I tripped over the dog.
By now you all know that I am disabled with severe spinal damage. I take an array of pills to kill the pain but in fact the pain will never go away and as of four or five months ago when my safe got stolen my doctor took me off of Oxycontin. I wish I had something for the heavy pain but for now I have some muscle relaxers and then there’s always been Tylenol® Extra Strength. I also have some pretty cool not ready for primetime patches that numb up the area pretty good and those too are prescription. The drugs I take are designed to take away as much of the spinal pain on a scale of 1 to 10 and up until this morning I was at a 3-1/2.
The problem today however wasn’t just my normal back pain. No, it was my overly loved and overly fed dog named George who had to lay right in the path in which I was walking. Naturally I, being the klutz that I am, tripped over him, knocked over the lamp and landed on the edge of the end table putting the full force of my 235 pound body, loosing one of my shoes in the process.
Luckily for me, and Praise the Lord, I see my spinal specialist this coming Monday so I’m pretty sure that it isn’t necessary to have the dog put to sleep or have my hips put in a full body wrap. I’ll stick with putting on the Lidoderm patches and taking the medicine as directed. Now my little dog Joe, now he’s another story, now he can drive me crazy as he’s doing right now. Just picking up after him is like picking up after a two year old child and anyone who’s had one can attest to that, I know I can. I don’t want to get the animal rights people on me but Joe is another one who I’d like to skin once in a while too, he just doesn’t sleep under my feet. He has other habits too icky to mention on a blog.
So the Lord gave me something to write about today which is good. My back feels like crap which is bad. The pain meds are working which is good.. America is spending too much money on keeping illegal aliens out without doing a very good job at it which is bad. My wife is and has been the best wife a man could ask for in the twenty-two years that we’ve been married, that’s really good….well I could go on and on. Oh yeah and about putting the dog to sleep; I wouldn’t do that, his meat is too tough and we don’t eat dog anymore anyway.
See ya'll on Monday
That’s the Lazlo Report for March 1, 2007
By now you all know that I am disabled with severe spinal damage. I take an array of pills to kill the pain but in fact the pain will never go away and as of four or five months ago when my safe got stolen my doctor took me off of Oxycontin. I wish I had something for the heavy pain but for now I have some muscle relaxers and then there’s always been Tylenol® Extra Strength. I also have some pretty cool not ready for primetime patches that numb up the area pretty good and those too are prescription. The drugs I take are designed to take away as much of the spinal pain on a scale of 1 to 10 and up until this morning I was at a 3-1/2.
The problem today however wasn’t just my normal back pain. No, it was my overly loved and overly fed dog named George who had to lay right in the path in which I was walking. Naturally I, being the klutz that I am, tripped over him, knocked over the lamp and landed on the edge of the end table putting the full force of my 235 pound body, loosing one of my shoes in the process.
Luckily for me, and Praise the Lord, I see my spinal specialist this coming Monday so I’m pretty sure that it isn’t necessary to have the dog put to sleep or have my hips put in a full body wrap. I’ll stick with putting on the Lidoderm patches and taking the medicine as directed. Now my little dog Joe, now he’s another story, now he can drive me crazy as he’s doing right now. Just picking up after him is like picking up after a two year old child and anyone who’s had one can attest to that, I know I can. I don’t want to get the animal rights people on me but Joe is another one who I’d like to skin once in a while too, he just doesn’t sleep under my feet. He has other habits too icky to mention on a blog.
So the Lord gave me something to write about today which is good. My back feels like crap which is bad. The pain meds are working which is good.. America is spending too much money on keeping illegal aliens out without doing a very good job at it which is bad. My wife is and has been the best wife a man could ask for in the twenty-two years that we’ve been married, that’s really good….well I could go on and on. Oh yeah and about putting the dog to sleep; I wouldn’t do that, his meat is too tough and we don’t eat dog anymore anyway.
See ya'll on Monday
That’s the Lazlo Report for March 1, 2007
Wednesday
Lazlo on the MPAA
So how is God working through me still I thought. Well as I watched the movie “The Film Is Not Yet Rated” I came to the conclusion that I could do a blog on the subject of movie ratings and let everyone know that what they do is a complete farce and that there is just a handful of companies like Sony and G.E. that run the movie industry for the entire United States.
So as not to be sued I have intentionally not put links to anyone in the industry that could result in such action, just ones that will give free advertising. I’ll let you be the judge in the next few paragraphs as top my motives but as I’ve said my mission in life right now is to serve God almighty and to inform as many people in as few words as possible.
According to the MPAA, the movie ratings system is a voluntary system operated by the MPAA and the National Association of Theater Owners (NATO). The ratings are given by a board of parents who comprise the Classification and Rating Administration (CARA). CARA?s Board members view each film and, after a group discussion, vote on its rating. The ratings are intended to provide parents with advance information so they can decide for themselves which films are appropriate for viewing by their own children. The Board uses the same criteria as any parent making a judgment ? theme, language, violence, nudity, sex and drug use are among content areas considered in the decision-making process.
So who is the National Association of Theater Owners; I went to their site and looked around a little but as far as an explanation as to who they really are and what they do there really isn’t much proof as to what they really do. It’s sort of a secret I think. Oh they have a website, and they have all the usual click this and click here’s but as far as a honest to God real explanation as to who they answer to and how far up on the food chain they are as far as corporate food chain goes, that is not going to happen. There’s also no transparency as to who runs place, who’s on the boards, who rates the films or any such information.
According to them, the National Association of Theatre Owners is the largest exhibition trade organization in the world, representing more than 29,000 movie screens in all 50 states, and additional cinemas in more than 40 countries worldwide. Their membership includes the largest cinema chains in the world and hundreds of independent theatre owners too. Headquartered in Washington, D.C., with a second office in North Hollywood, California, NATO represents its members in the heart of the nation's capital as well as the center of the entertainment industry. From these vantage points, NATO helps exhibition influence federal policy-making and work with movie distributors on all areas of mutual concern, from new technologies to legislation, marketing, and First Amendment issues. Hmm, I’m a little hazy on them looking out for my “First Amendment Issues.”
And who is CARA anyway; Now their website, a dot org, told me absolutely nothing. There were other websites out there but none that were linked with a dot org. I’m not sure if I am purposely being misled and the actual website is somewhere else but I can’t go posting every frigging Google hit that I get and the Lord, I don’t think would call me on this one. Anyway I’m sure that there’s no major conspiracy here, just the same thing as the MPAA and the NATO board in that the members of the board and the people that rate the films are kept secret.
My only problem with this whole process is that what they’ve done is put violence before sex here in America and that has become policy. If you watch Pulp Fiction, and granted it’s a good movie, that should have received an NC-17 rating while the movie But I’m Only A Cheerleader should have only gotten an R rating.
First of all Cheerleaders had no nudity, had very little cussing and it dealt with a teenager going through a problem that many teenager go though at a tough time in their life. Now on the other hand we have Pulp Fiction that has a bizarre plot, it has gratuitous drug use, gratuitous rape and is filled with gratuitous. Not only is the rape scene gratuitous but it’s homosexual rape. Now how did that happen and it still get an R rating. Now I’m a man of God and all but who’s sucking who’s dick to get that?
It seems to me that if you’re a lesbian in Hollywood these days and you’re trying to produce a movie you’re just shit out of luck. Wow, was that me that just typed that, a man of God. Yep…uh huh uh huh. Look, I have nothing against anyone be them lesbians or gay or whatever but when someone is discriminated against, especially in Hollywood, those Godless heathens, someone needs to stand up and say something. Well this is my forum to do so. It’s also my forum to get to the bottom of the rating system and, well, I digress….
Ah crap where was I..oh yeah. The following is a letter written by Jack Valenti. I will not change a word nor even letter of it. If there is or was a link on it I disabled it, sorry I had to so I could protect myself from lawsuit Since I am not charging money for this website to get in, since this is not a “pay site” and I am copying the following verbatim, I want you to try and decipher the bullshit if you can, at least in today’s standards". However with that said, to this man’s family I want to say that I am sorry for your loss. I’m sure that Mr. Valenti was a smart, funny, intelligent and one asskicking dude and I wish that I would have been honored to have met him. I know that someday I will in the kingdom of heaven, May God Bless:
HOW IT ALL BEGANBy Jack ValentiWhen I became president of the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) in May 1966, the slippage of Hollywood studio authority over the content of films collided with an avalanching revision of American mores and customs.By summer of 1966, the national scene was marked by insurrection on the campus, riots in the streets, rise in women's liberation, protest of the young, doubts about the institution of marriage, abandonment of old guiding slogans, and the crumbling of social traditions. It would have been foolish to believe that movies, that most creative of art forms, could have remained unaffected by the change and torment in our society.A New Kind of American MovieThe result of all this was the emergence of a "new kind" of American movie - frank and open, and made by filmmakers subject to very few self-imposed restraints.Almost within weeks in my new duties, I was confronted with controversy, neither amiable nor fixable. The first issue was the film "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf," in which, for the first time on the screen, the word "screw" and the phrase "hump the hostess" were heard. In company with the MPAA's general counsel, Louis Nizer, I met with Jack Warner, the legendary chieftain of Warner Bros., and his top aide, Ben Kalmenson. We talked for three hours, and the result was deletion of "screw" and retention of "hump the hostess," but I was uneasy over the meeting.It seemed wrong that grown men should be sitting around discussing such matters. Moreover, I was uncomfortable with the thought that this was just the beginning of an unsettling new era in film, in which we would lurch from crisis to crisis, without any suitable solution in sight.The second issue surfaced only a few months later.This time it was Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, and the Michelangelo Antonioni film "Blow-Up." I met with MGM's chief executive officer because this movie also represented a first - the first time a major distributor was marketing a film with nudity in it. The Production Code Administration in California had denied the seal of approval.I backed the decision, whereupon MGM distributed the film through a subsidiary company, thereby flouting the voluntary agreement of MPAA member companies that none would distribute a film without a Code seal.Finally, in April 1968, the U.S. Supreme Court upheld the constitutional power of states and cities to prevent the exposure of children to books and films that could not be denied to adults.It was plain that the old system of self-regulation, begun with the formation of the MPAA in 1922, had broken down. What few threads there were holding together the structure created by Will Hays, one of my two predecessors, had now snapped. From the very first day of my own succession to the MPAA President's office, I had sniffed the Production Code constructed by the Hays Office. There was about this stern, forbidding catalogue of "Dos and Don'ts" the odious smell of censorship. I determined to junk it at the first opportune moment.I knew that the mix of new social currents, the irresistible force of creators determined to make "their" films and the possible intrusion of government into the movie arena demanded my immediate action.Within weeks, discussions of my plan for a movie rating system began with the president of the National Association of Theatre Owners (NATO) and with the governing committee of the International Film
Importers & Distributors of America (IFIDA), an assembly of independent producers and distributors.Over the next five months, I held more than 100 hours of meetings with these two organizations, as well as with guilds of actors, writers, directors and producers, with craft unions, with critics, with religious organizations, and with the heads of MPAA member companies
By early fall, I was ready. My colleagues in the National Association of Theatre Owners joined with me in affirming our objective of creating a new and, at the time, revolutionary approach to how we would fulfill our obligation to the parents of America.My first move was to abolish the old and decaying Hays Production Code. I did that immediately. Then on November 1, 1968, we announced the birth of the new voluntary film rating system of the motion picture industry, with three organizations, NATO, MPAA, and IFIDA, as its monitoring and guiding groups.The initial design called for four rating categories:G for General Audiences, all ages admitted;M for mature audiences - parental guidance suggested, but all ages admitted;R for Restricted, children under 16 would not be admitted without an accompanying parent or adult guardian; (later raised to under 17 years of age, (and varies in some jurisdictions));X for no one under 17 admitted.The rating system trademarked all the category symbols, except the X. Under the plan, anyone not submitting his or her film for rating could self apply the X or any other symbol or description, except those trademarked by the rating program.Our original plan had been to use only three rating categories, ending with R. It was my view that parents ought to be able to accompany their children to any movie the parents choose, without the movie industry or the government or self-appointed groups interfering with their rights. But NATO urged the creation of an adults only category, fearful of possible legal redress under state or local law. I acquiesced in NATO's reasoning and the four category system, including the X rating, was installed.So, the emergence of the voluntary rating system filled the vacuum provided by my dismantling of the Hays Production Code
The movie industry would no longer "approve or disapprove" the content of a film, but we would now see our primary task as giving advance cautionary warnings to parents so that parents could make the decision about the moviegoing of their young children. CHANGES IN THE RATING SYSTEM We found early on that the M category (M meaning "Mature") was regarded by most parents as a sterner rating than the R category. To remedy this misconception, we changed the name from M to GP (meaning General audiences, Parental guidance suggested). A year later we revised the name to its current label, "PG: Parental Guidance Suggested."On July 1, 1984, we made another adjustment. We split the PG category into two groupings, PG and PG-13. PG-13 meant a higher level of intensity than was to be found in a film rated PG. Over the past years, parents have approved of this amplifying revision in the rating system.On September 27, 1990, we announced two more revisions. First, we introduced brief explanations of why a particular film received its R rating. Since, in the opinion of the Ratings Board, R rated films contain adult material, we believed it would be useful to parents to know a little more about that film's content before they allowed their children to accompany them. Sometime later we began applying the explanations in the PG, PG-13 and NC-17 categories as well. These explanations are available to parents at the theater (by telephone or at the box office), in certain media reviews and listings, and also made available on the MPAA's World Wide Web Home Page on the Internet. This internet address is http://www.mpaa.org. Second, we changed the name of the X category to NC-17:NO ONE 17 AND UNDER ADMITTED. The X rating over the years appeared to have taken on a surly meaning in the minds of many people, a meaning that was never intended when we created the system. Therefore, we chose to reaffirm the original intent of the design we installed on November 1, 1968, in which this "adults only" category explicitly describes a movie that most parents would want to have barred to viewing by their children. That was and is our goal, nothing more, nothing less.We have now trademarked "NC-17:NO ONE 17 AND UNDER ADMITTED" so that this rating symbol and the legend can be used only by those who submit their films for rating.
THE PURPOSE OF THE RATING SYSTEMThe basic mission of the rating system is a simple one: to offer to parents some advance information about movies so that parents can decide what movies they want their children to see or not to see. The entire rostrum of the rating program rests on the assumption of responsibility by parents. If parents don't care, or if they are languid in guiding their children's moviegoing, the rating system becomes useless. Indeed, if you are 18 or over, or if you have no children, the rating system has no meaning for you. Ratings are meant for parents, no one else.The Rating Board does not rate movies on their quality or lack of quality. That is a role left to film critics and audiences. Had we attempted to insert ourselves into judging whether a film is "good" or "bad" or "indifferent" we would have collapsed the system before it began.The criteria that go into the mix which becomes a Rating Board judgment are theme, violence, language, nudity, sensuality, drug abuse, and other elements. Part of the rating flows from how each of these elements is treated on-screen by the filmmaker. In making their evaluation, the members of the Ratings Board do not look at snippets of film in isolation but consider the film in its entirety. The Rating Board can make its decisions only by what is seen on the screen, not by what is imagined or thought.There is no special emphasis on any one of these elements. All are considered. All are examined before a rating is applied. Contrary to popular notion, violence is not treated more leniently than any of the other material. Indeed many films rated X in the past and NC-17 now, have at least tentatively been given the "adults only" rating because of depictions of violence. However, most of the directors/producers/distributors involved have chosen, by their decision, to edit intense violent scenes in order to receive an R rating.
HOW THE RATINGS ARE DECIDEDThe ratings are decided by a full-time Rating Board located in Los Angeles. There are 8-13 members of the Board who serve for perods of varying length. They work for the Classification and Rating Administration, which is funded by fees charged to producers/distributors for the rating of their films. The MPAA President chooses the Chairman of the Rating Board, thereby insulating the Board from industry or other group pressure. No one in the movie industry has the authority or the power to push the Board in any direction or otherwise influence it. One of the highest accolades to be conferred on the rating system is that from its birth in 1968 to this hour, there has never been even the slightest jot of evidence that the rating system has ever deliberately fudged a decision or bowed to pressure. The Rating Board has always conducted itself at the highest level of integrity. That is a large, honorable, and valuable asset.There are no special qualifications for Board membership, except the members must have a shared parenthood experience, must be possessed of an intelligent maturity, and most of all, have the capacity to put themselves in the role of most American parents so they can view a film and apply a rating that most parents would find suitable and helpful in aiding their decisions about their children's moviegoing.As the MPAA President, I take no part in rating decisions, and do not overrule or dissuade the Board from any decisions it makes.No one is forced to submit a film to the Board for rating, but the vast majority of producers/distributors do in fact submit their films for ratings. Any producer/distributor who wants no part of any rating system is free to go to the market without any rating at all or with any description or symbol they choose as long as it is not confusingly similar to the G, PG, PG-13, R, and, NC-17. The ratin symbols are federally-registered certification marks of the MPAA and may not be self-applied.
The Board Votes on RatingsThe Board views each film. Each member present estimates what most parents would consider to be that film's appropriate rating. After group discussion, the Board votes on the rating. Each member completes a rating form spelling out his or her reason for the rating.Each rating is decided by majority vote.The producer/distributor of a film has the right under the rules to inquire as to the "why" of the rating applied. The producer/distributor also has the right, based on the reasons for the rating, to edit the film - if that is the choice of the producer/distributor - and come back to the Board to try for a less severe rating. The reedited film is brought back to the Board and the process goes forward again.
Appeal of RatingsA producer/distributor who for any reason is displeased with a rating can appeal the decision to the Rating Appeals Board, which sits as the final arbiter of ratings.The Appeals Board comprises 14 to 18 members who serve terms of varying length. They are men and women from the industry organizations that govern the rating system.They gather to view the film and hear the appeal. After the screening, the producer/distributor whose film is being appealed explains why he or she believes the rating was wrongly decided. The chairman of the Rating Board states the reason for the film's rating. The producer/distributor has an opportunity for rebuttal.After Appeals Board members question the two opposing representatives, they are excused from the room. The Board discusses the appeal and then takes a secret ballot. It requires a two-thirds vote of those present to overturn a Rating Board decision.By this method of appeal, decisions of the Rating Board can be examined and any rating deemed a mistake set right.The decision of the Appeals Board is final and cannot be appealed.
WHAT THE RATINGS MEANG:"General Audiences-All Ages Admitted."This is a film which contains nothing in theme, language, nudity and sex, violence, etc. which would, in the view of the Rating Board, be offensive to parents whose younger children view the film. The G rating is not a "certificate of approval," nor does it signify a children's film.Some snippets of language may go beyond polite conversation but they are common everyday expressions. No stronger words are present in G-rated films. The violence is at a minimum. Nudity and sex scenes are not present; nor is there any drug use content.PG:"Parental Guidance Suggested. Some Material May Not Be Suitable For Children."This is a film which clearly needs to be examined or inquired into by parents before they let their children attend. The label PG plainly states that parents may consider some material unsuitable for their children, but the parent must make the decision.Parents are warned against sending their children, unseen and without inquiry, to PG-rated movies.The theme of a PG-rated film may itself call for parental guidance. There may be some profanity in these films. There may be some violence or brief nudity. But these elements are not deemed so intense as to require that parents be strongly cautioned beyond the suggestion of parental guidance. There is no drug use content in a PG-rated film.The PG rating, suggesting parental guidance, is thus an alert for examination of a film by parents before deciding on its viewing by their children.Obviously such a line is difficult to draw. In our pluralistic society it is not easy to make judgments without incurring some disagreement. So long as parents know they must exercise parental responsibility, the rating serves as a meaningful guide and as a warning.
WHAT THE RATINGS MEAN (con't)PG-13:"Parents Strongly Cautioned. Some Material May Be Inappropriate For Children Under 13."PG-13 is thus a sterner warning to parents to determine for themselves the attendance in particular of their younger children as they might consider some material not suited for them. Parents, by the rating, are alerted to be very careful about the attendance of their under-teenage children.A PG-13 film is one which, in the view of the Rating Board, leaps beyond the boundaries of the PG rating in theme, violence, nudity, sensuality, language, or other contents, but does not quite fit within the restricted R category. Any drug use content will initially require at least a PG-13 rating. In effect, the PG-13 cautions parents with more stringency than usual to give special attention to this film before they allow their 12-year olds and younger to attend.If nudity is sexually oriented, the film will generally not be found in the PG-13 category. If violence is too rough or persistent, the film goes into the R (restricted) rating. A film's single use of one of the harsher sexually-derived words, though only as an expletive, shall initially require the Rating Board to issue that film at least a PG-13 rating. More than one such expletive must lead the Rating Board to issue a film an R rating, as must even one of these words used in a sexual context. These films can be rated less severely, however, if by a special vote, the Rating Board feels that a lesser rating would more responsibly reflect the opinion of American parents.PG-13 places larger responsibilities on parents for their children's moviegoing. The voluntary rating system is not a surrogate parent, nor should it be. It cannot, and should not, insert itself in family decisions that only parents can, and should, make. Its purpose is to give prescreening advance informational warnings, so that parents can form their own judgments. PG-13 is designed to make these parental decisions easier for films between PG and R.R:"Restricted, Under 17 Requires Accompanying Parent Or Adult Guardian."
In the opinion of the Rating Board, this film definitely contains some adult material. Parents are strongly urged to find out more about this film before they allow their children to accompany them.An R-rated film may include hard language, or tough violence, or nudity within sensual scenes, or drug abuse or other elements, or a combination of some of the above, so that parents are counseled, in advance, to take this advisory rating very seriously. Parents must find out more about an R-rated movie before they allow their teenagers to view it.NC-17:"No One 17 And Under Admitted."This rating declares that the Rating Board believes that this is a film that most parents will consider patently too adult for their youngsters under 17. No children will be admitted. NC-17 does not necessarily mean "obscene or pornographic" in the oft-accepted or legal meaning of those words. The Board does not and cannot mark films with those words. These are legal terms and for courts to decide. The reasons for the application of an NC-17 rating can be violence or sex or aberrational behavior or drug abuse or any other elements which, when present, most parents would consider too strong and therefore off-limits for viewing by their children.
AppraisalIn any appraisal, what is "too much?" becomes very controversial. How much is "too much" violence? Are classic war films too violent with scenes of marines storming a beach and slaying hundreds, wounding thousands? Is it the graphic cop killing, the gangster shoot-out, or the slap across the face of a woman that determines "too much"? How much is "blood spilled" to be given emphasis? Where is the line to be drawn between "this is alright" and "this is not alright"?The same vexing doubts occur in sex scenes or those where language rises on the Richter scale, or where behavior not considered "normal" is revealed on the screen. What follows is disagreement, inevitable, inexorable, and oftentimes strident. That is what the rating system has to endure and confront. We understand that. We try to do our level best so that most parents would find our ratings mostly accurate and mostly useful.
Appraisal (con't)But, importantly, we urge and implore parents to care about what their children see and watch, to focus their attention on movies so they can know more about a film before they consent to their children watching it.To oversee the Rating Board, the film industry has set up a Policy Review Committee consisting of officials of MPAA and NATO. These men and women set guidelines for the Rating Board to follow, and make certain that the Board carries them out reasonably and appropriately.Because the rating program is a self-regulatory apparatus of the film industry, it is important that no single element of the industry take on the authority of a "czar" beyond any discipline or self-restraint.
Advertising and Trailer PolicyFilm advertising is part of the film industry's self-regulatory mechanism. All advertising for rated motion pictures must be submitted to the Advertising Administration for approval prior to its release to the public. This includes, but is not limited to, print ads, radio and TV spots, pressbooks, videocassette packaging and theatrical and home video trailers.Trailers are an important aspect of the program. They are approved for "all audiences," which means they may be shown with all feature films, or "restricted audiences", which limits their use to feature films rated R or NC-17. There will be, in "all audience" trailers, no scenes that caused the feature to be rated PG, PG-13, R or NC-17.Each trailer carries at the front a tag which tells two things: (1) the audience for which the trailer has been approved, and (2) the rating of the picture being advertised. The tag for "all audience" trailers will have a green background; the tag for "restricted" trailers will have a red background. The color is to alert the projectionist against mismatching trailers with the film being shown on the theater screen.
HOW THE RATING SYSTEM IS USED BY THEATER OWNERS AND VIDEO RETAILERSMotion picture theater owners, who co-founded the rating system in 1968, were the first group in the entertainment industry to voluntarily enforce its guidelines. NATO estimates that the majority of the theater owners in the nation observe the rating system.In the mid 1980's, as watching movies on videocassettes at home soared in popularity, video retailers joined theater owners in embracing the voluntary guidelines of the rating system. Parents who relied on the rating system to determine which films their children viewed in theaters found the information provided by the rating classifications equally helpful in home video. To facilitate its use, ratings are displayed on both the videocassette package and the cassette itself. The Video Software Dealers Association (VSDA), which is the major trade association for video retailers in the United States, has adopted a "Pledge to Parents" which strongly endorses the observance of the voluntary movie rating system by video retailers.
THE PUBLIC REACTION We count it crucial to make regular soundings to find out how the public perceives the rating program, and to measure the approval and disapproval of what we are doing.Nationwide scientific polls, conducted each year by the Opinion Research Corporation of Princeton, New Jersey, have consistently given the rating program high marks by parents throughout the land. The latest poll results show that 76% of parents with children under 13 found the ratings to be "very useful" to "fairly useful" in helping them make decisions for the moviegoing of their children.On the evidence of the polls, the rating system would not have survived if it were not providing a useful service to parents.The rating system isn't perfect but, in an imperfect world, it seems each year to match the expectations of those whom it is designed to serve - parents of America.Last Revised: December, 2000
Ok, bullshit number one: “Indeed many films rated X in the past and NC-17 now, have at least tentatively been given the "adults only" rating because of depictions of violence.” This is untrue and Sin City is a great example of it. That movie got an R rating and I don’t know what the director/editors cut out of the movie to get it or what’s on the cutting room floor but I sure would like to see it.
Second, and the whole paragraph is bullshit but “A film's single use of one of the harsher sexually-derived words, though only as an expletive, shall initially require the Rating Board to issue that film at least a PG-13 rating.” And that’s just to start; they’re saying or rather he’s saying that in a teenybopper movie when a kid says the phrase “oh man I’d really like to fuck nurse Brown this summer”, that gets a R but when the same kid in the very same movie says “that nurse Brown gets on my nerves I’m gonna smash her fucking head”, that would get a PG-13? That’s ok? What the heck is going on is America these days, man I just don’t know.
Listen, God is also telling me that my wife is laying there all snuggled up in the covers right now and I need to be next to her. I need to go to bed and my fingers are tired anyway. I think that I have proven my point at least a little bit in that there is hypocrisy in the system. While they tell us not to view violence, they sell us on movies that are filled with it. While they tell us that it’s shameful to masturbate, they make light of it in the movies. And the most grievous of all; when rape of women is the most despicable crime of all the movie industry thrives on putting a woman in peril time after time. I just don’t see the reasoning and this group that calls themselves a “Board of Directors” aught to be responsible to someone, not just to our government who has let us down in the past.
That’s the Lazlo Report for February 28, 2007
So as not to be sued I have intentionally not put links to anyone in the industry that could result in such action, just ones that will give free advertising. I’ll let you be the judge in the next few paragraphs as top my motives but as I’ve said my mission in life right now is to serve God almighty and to inform as many people in as few words as possible.
According to the MPAA, the movie ratings system is a voluntary system operated by the MPAA and the National Association of Theater Owners (NATO). The ratings are given by a board of parents who comprise the Classification and Rating Administration (CARA). CARA?s Board members view each film and, after a group discussion, vote on its rating. The ratings are intended to provide parents with advance information so they can decide for themselves which films are appropriate for viewing by their own children. The Board uses the same criteria as any parent making a judgment ? theme, language, violence, nudity, sex and drug use are among content areas considered in the decision-making process.
So who is the National Association of Theater Owners; I went to their site and looked around a little but as far as an explanation as to who they really are and what they do there really isn’t much proof as to what they really do. It’s sort of a secret I think. Oh they have a website, and they have all the usual click this and click here’s but as far as a honest to God real explanation as to who they answer to and how far up on the food chain they are as far as corporate food chain goes, that is not going to happen. There’s also no transparency as to who runs place, who’s on the boards, who rates the films or any such information.
According to them, the National Association of Theatre Owners is the largest exhibition trade organization in the world, representing more than 29,000 movie screens in all 50 states, and additional cinemas in more than 40 countries worldwide. Their membership includes the largest cinema chains in the world and hundreds of independent theatre owners too. Headquartered in Washington, D.C., with a second office in North Hollywood, California, NATO represents its members in the heart of the nation's capital as well as the center of the entertainment industry. From these vantage points, NATO helps exhibition influence federal policy-making and work with movie distributors on all areas of mutual concern, from new technologies to legislation, marketing, and First Amendment issues. Hmm, I’m a little hazy on them looking out for my “First Amendment Issues.”
And who is CARA anyway; Now their website, a dot org, told me absolutely nothing. There were other websites out there but none that were linked with a dot org. I’m not sure if I am purposely being misled and the actual website is somewhere else but I can’t go posting every frigging Google hit that I get and the Lord, I don’t think would call me on this one. Anyway I’m sure that there’s no major conspiracy here, just the same thing as the MPAA and the NATO board in that the members of the board and the people that rate the films are kept secret.
My only problem with this whole process is that what they’ve done is put violence before sex here in America and that has become policy. If you watch Pulp Fiction, and granted it’s a good movie, that should have received an NC-17 rating while the movie But I’m Only A Cheerleader should have only gotten an R rating.
First of all Cheerleaders had no nudity, had very little cussing and it dealt with a teenager going through a problem that many teenager go though at a tough time in their life. Now on the other hand we have Pulp Fiction that has a bizarre plot, it has gratuitous drug use, gratuitous rape and is filled with gratuitous. Not only is the rape scene gratuitous but it’s homosexual rape. Now how did that happen and it still get an R rating. Now I’m a man of God and all but who’s sucking who’s dick to get that?
It seems to me that if you’re a lesbian in Hollywood these days and you’re trying to produce a movie you’re just shit out of luck. Wow, was that me that just typed that, a man of God. Yep…uh huh uh huh. Look, I have nothing against anyone be them lesbians or gay or whatever but when someone is discriminated against, especially in Hollywood, those Godless heathens, someone needs to stand up and say something. Well this is my forum to do so. It’s also my forum to get to the bottom of the rating system and, well, I digress….
Ah crap where was I..oh yeah. The following is a letter written by Jack Valenti. I will not change a word nor even letter of it. If there is or was a link on it I disabled it, sorry I had to so I could protect myself from lawsuit Since I am not charging money for this website to get in, since this is not a “pay site” and I am copying the following verbatim, I want you to try and decipher the bullshit if you can, at least in today’s standards". However with that said, to this man’s family I want to say that I am sorry for your loss. I’m sure that Mr. Valenti was a smart, funny, intelligent and one asskicking dude and I wish that I would have been honored to have met him. I know that someday I will in the kingdom of heaven, May God Bless:
HOW IT ALL BEGANBy Jack ValentiWhen I became president of the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) in May 1966, the slippage of Hollywood studio authority over the content of films collided with an avalanching revision of American mores and customs.By summer of 1966, the national scene was marked by insurrection on the campus, riots in the streets, rise in women's liberation, protest of the young, doubts about the institution of marriage, abandonment of old guiding slogans, and the crumbling of social traditions. It would have been foolish to believe that movies, that most creative of art forms, could have remained unaffected by the change and torment in our society.A New Kind of American MovieThe result of all this was the emergence of a "new kind" of American movie - frank and open, and made by filmmakers subject to very few self-imposed restraints.Almost within weeks in my new duties, I was confronted with controversy, neither amiable nor fixable. The first issue was the film "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf," in which, for the first time on the screen, the word "screw" and the phrase "hump the hostess" were heard. In company with the MPAA's general counsel, Louis Nizer, I met with Jack Warner, the legendary chieftain of Warner Bros., and his top aide, Ben Kalmenson. We talked for three hours, and the result was deletion of "screw" and retention of "hump the hostess," but I was uneasy over the meeting.It seemed wrong that grown men should be sitting around discussing such matters. Moreover, I was uncomfortable with the thought that this was just the beginning of an unsettling new era in film, in which we would lurch from crisis to crisis, without any suitable solution in sight.The second issue surfaced only a few months later.This time it was Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, and the Michelangelo Antonioni film "Blow-Up." I met with MGM's chief executive officer because this movie also represented a first - the first time a major distributor was marketing a film with nudity in it. The Production Code Administration in California had denied the seal of approval.I backed the decision, whereupon MGM distributed the film through a subsidiary company, thereby flouting the voluntary agreement of MPAA member companies that none would distribute a film without a Code seal.Finally, in April 1968, the U.S. Supreme Court upheld the constitutional power of states and cities to prevent the exposure of children to books and films that could not be denied to adults.It was plain that the old system of self-regulation, begun with the formation of the MPAA in 1922, had broken down. What few threads there were holding together the structure created by Will Hays, one of my two predecessors, had now snapped. From the very first day of my own succession to the MPAA President's office, I had sniffed the Production Code constructed by the Hays Office. There was about this stern, forbidding catalogue of "Dos and Don'ts" the odious smell of censorship. I determined to junk it at the first opportune moment.I knew that the mix of new social currents, the irresistible force of creators determined to make "their" films and the possible intrusion of government into the movie arena demanded my immediate action.Within weeks, discussions of my plan for a movie rating system began with the president of the National Association of Theatre Owners (NATO) and with the governing committee of the International Film
Importers & Distributors of America (IFIDA), an assembly of independent producers and distributors.Over the next five months, I held more than 100 hours of meetings with these two organizations, as well as with guilds of actors, writers, directors and producers, with craft unions, with critics, with religious organizations, and with the heads of MPAA member companies
By early fall, I was ready. My colleagues in the National Association of Theatre Owners joined with me in affirming our objective of creating a new and, at the time, revolutionary approach to how we would fulfill our obligation to the parents of America.My first move was to abolish the old and decaying Hays Production Code. I did that immediately. Then on November 1, 1968, we announced the birth of the new voluntary film rating system of the motion picture industry, with three organizations, NATO, MPAA, and IFIDA, as its monitoring and guiding groups.The initial design called for four rating categories:G for General Audiences, all ages admitted;M for mature audiences - parental guidance suggested, but all ages admitted;R for Restricted, children under 16 would not be admitted without an accompanying parent or adult guardian; (later raised to under 17 years of age, (and varies in some jurisdictions));X for no one under 17 admitted.The rating system trademarked all the category symbols, except the X. Under the plan, anyone not submitting his or her film for rating could self apply the X or any other symbol or description, except those trademarked by the rating program.Our original plan had been to use only three rating categories, ending with R. It was my view that parents ought to be able to accompany their children to any movie the parents choose, without the movie industry or the government or self-appointed groups interfering with their rights. But NATO urged the creation of an adults only category, fearful of possible legal redress under state or local law. I acquiesced in NATO's reasoning and the four category system, including the X rating, was installed.So, the emergence of the voluntary rating system filled the vacuum provided by my dismantling of the Hays Production Code
The movie industry would no longer "approve or disapprove" the content of a film, but we would now see our primary task as giving advance cautionary warnings to parents so that parents could make the decision about the moviegoing of their young children. CHANGES IN THE RATING SYSTEM We found early on that the M category (M meaning "Mature") was regarded by most parents as a sterner rating than the R category. To remedy this misconception, we changed the name from M to GP (meaning General audiences, Parental guidance suggested). A year later we revised the name to its current label, "PG: Parental Guidance Suggested."On July 1, 1984, we made another adjustment. We split the PG category into two groupings, PG and PG-13. PG-13 meant a higher level of intensity than was to be found in a film rated PG. Over the past years, parents have approved of this amplifying revision in the rating system.On September 27, 1990, we announced two more revisions. First, we introduced brief explanations of why a particular film received its R rating. Since, in the opinion of the Ratings Board, R rated films contain adult material, we believed it would be useful to parents to know a little more about that film's content before they allowed their children to accompany them. Sometime later we began applying the explanations in the PG, PG-13 and NC-17 categories as well. These explanations are available to parents at the theater (by telephone or at the box office), in certain media reviews and listings, and also made available on the MPAA's World Wide Web Home Page on the Internet. This internet address is http://www.mpaa.org. Second, we changed the name of the X category to NC-17:NO ONE 17 AND UNDER ADMITTED. The X rating over the years appeared to have taken on a surly meaning in the minds of many people, a meaning that was never intended when we created the system. Therefore, we chose to reaffirm the original intent of the design we installed on November 1, 1968, in which this "adults only" category explicitly describes a movie that most parents would want to have barred to viewing by their children. That was and is our goal, nothing more, nothing less.We have now trademarked "NC-17:NO ONE 17 AND UNDER ADMITTED" so that this rating symbol and the legend can be used only by those who submit their films for rating.
THE PURPOSE OF THE RATING SYSTEMThe basic mission of the rating system is a simple one: to offer to parents some advance information about movies so that parents can decide what movies they want their children to see or not to see. The entire rostrum of the rating program rests on the assumption of responsibility by parents. If parents don't care, or if they are languid in guiding their children's moviegoing, the rating system becomes useless. Indeed, if you are 18 or over, or if you have no children, the rating system has no meaning for you. Ratings are meant for parents, no one else.The Rating Board does not rate movies on their quality or lack of quality. That is a role left to film critics and audiences. Had we attempted to insert ourselves into judging whether a film is "good" or "bad" or "indifferent" we would have collapsed the system before it began.The criteria that go into the mix which becomes a Rating Board judgment are theme, violence, language, nudity, sensuality, drug abuse, and other elements. Part of the rating flows from how each of these elements is treated on-screen by the filmmaker. In making their evaluation, the members of the Ratings Board do not look at snippets of film in isolation but consider the film in its entirety. The Rating Board can make its decisions only by what is seen on the screen, not by what is imagined or thought.There is no special emphasis on any one of these elements. All are considered. All are examined before a rating is applied. Contrary to popular notion, violence is not treated more leniently than any of the other material. Indeed many films rated X in the past and NC-17 now, have at least tentatively been given the "adults only" rating because of depictions of violence. However, most of the directors/producers/distributors involved have chosen, by their decision, to edit intense violent scenes in order to receive an R rating.
HOW THE RATINGS ARE DECIDEDThe ratings are decided by a full-time Rating Board located in Los Angeles. There are 8-13 members of the Board who serve for perods of varying length. They work for the Classification and Rating Administration, which is funded by fees charged to producers/distributors for the rating of their films. The MPAA President chooses the Chairman of the Rating Board, thereby insulating the Board from industry or other group pressure. No one in the movie industry has the authority or the power to push the Board in any direction or otherwise influence it. One of the highest accolades to be conferred on the rating system is that from its birth in 1968 to this hour, there has never been even the slightest jot of evidence that the rating system has ever deliberately fudged a decision or bowed to pressure. The Rating Board has always conducted itself at the highest level of integrity. That is a large, honorable, and valuable asset.There are no special qualifications for Board membership, except the members must have a shared parenthood experience, must be possessed of an intelligent maturity, and most of all, have the capacity to put themselves in the role of most American parents so they can view a film and apply a rating that most parents would find suitable and helpful in aiding their decisions about their children's moviegoing.As the MPAA President, I take no part in rating decisions, and do not overrule or dissuade the Board from any decisions it makes.No one is forced to submit a film to the Board for rating, but the vast majority of producers/distributors do in fact submit their films for ratings. Any producer/distributor who wants no part of any rating system is free to go to the market without any rating at all or with any description or symbol they choose as long as it is not confusingly similar to the G, PG, PG-13, R, and, NC-17. The ratin symbols are federally-registered certification marks of the MPAA and may not be self-applied.
The Board Votes on RatingsThe Board views each film. Each member present estimates what most parents would consider to be that film's appropriate rating. After group discussion, the Board votes on the rating. Each member completes a rating form spelling out his or her reason for the rating.Each rating is decided by majority vote.The producer/distributor of a film has the right under the rules to inquire as to the "why" of the rating applied. The producer/distributor also has the right, based on the reasons for the rating, to edit the film - if that is the choice of the producer/distributor - and come back to the Board to try for a less severe rating. The reedited film is brought back to the Board and the process goes forward again.
Appeal of RatingsA producer/distributor who for any reason is displeased with a rating can appeal the decision to the Rating Appeals Board, which sits as the final arbiter of ratings.The Appeals Board comprises 14 to 18 members who serve terms of varying length. They are men and women from the industry organizations that govern the rating system.They gather to view the film and hear the appeal. After the screening, the producer/distributor whose film is being appealed explains why he or she believes the rating was wrongly decided. The chairman of the Rating Board states the reason for the film's rating. The producer/distributor has an opportunity for rebuttal.After Appeals Board members question the two opposing representatives, they are excused from the room. The Board discusses the appeal and then takes a secret ballot. It requires a two-thirds vote of those present to overturn a Rating Board decision.By this method of appeal, decisions of the Rating Board can be examined and any rating deemed a mistake set right.The decision of the Appeals Board is final and cannot be appealed.
WHAT THE RATINGS MEANG:"General Audiences-All Ages Admitted."This is a film which contains nothing in theme, language, nudity and sex, violence, etc. which would, in the view of the Rating Board, be offensive to parents whose younger children view the film. The G rating is not a "certificate of approval," nor does it signify a children's film.Some snippets of language may go beyond polite conversation but they are common everyday expressions. No stronger words are present in G-rated films. The violence is at a minimum. Nudity and sex scenes are not present; nor is there any drug use content.PG:"Parental Guidance Suggested. Some Material May Not Be Suitable For Children."This is a film which clearly needs to be examined or inquired into by parents before they let their children attend. The label PG plainly states that parents may consider some material unsuitable for their children, but the parent must make the decision.Parents are warned against sending their children, unseen and without inquiry, to PG-rated movies.The theme of a PG-rated film may itself call for parental guidance. There may be some profanity in these films. There may be some violence or brief nudity. But these elements are not deemed so intense as to require that parents be strongly cautioned beyond the suggestion of parental guidance. There is no drug use content in a PG-rated film.The PG rating, suggesting parental guidance, is thus an alert for examination of a film by parents before deciding on its viewing by their children.Obviously such a line is difficult to draw. In our pluralistic society it is not easy to make judgments without incurring some disagreement. So long as parents know they must exercise parental responsibility, the rating serves as a meaningful guide and as a warning.
WHAT THE RATINGS MEAN (con't)PG-13:"Parents Strongly Cautioned. Some Material May Be Inappropriate For Children Under 13."PG-13 is thus a sterner warning to parents to determine for themselves the attendance in particular of their younger children as they might consider some material not suited for them. Parents, by the rating, are alerted to be very careful about the attendance of their under-teenage children.A PG-13 film is one which, in the view of the Rating Board, leaps beyond the boundaries of the PG rating in theme, violence, nudity, sensuality, language, or other contents, but does not quite fit within the restricted R category. Any drug use content will initially require at least a PG-13 rating. In effect, the PG-13 cautions parents with more stringency than usual to give special attention to this film before they allow their 12-year olds and younger to attend.If nudity is sexually oriented, the film will generally not be found in the PG-13 category. If violence is too rough or persistent, the film goes into the R (restricted) rating. A film's single use of one of the harsher sexually-derived words, though only as an expletive, shall initially require the Rating Board to issue that film at least a PG-13 rating. More than one such expletive must lead the Rating Board to issue a film an R rating, as must even one of these words used in a sexual context. These films can be rated less severely, however, if by a special vote, the Rating Board feels that a lesser rating would more responsibly reflect the opinion of American parents.PG-13 places larger responsibilities on parents for their children's moviegoing. The voluntary rating system is not a surrogate parent, nor should it be. It cannot, and should not, insert itself in family decisions that only parents can, and should, make. Its purpose is to give prescreening advance informational warnings, so that parents can form their own judgments. PG-13 is designed to make these parental decisions easier for films between PG and R.R:"Restricted, Under 17 Requires Accompanying Parent Or Adult Guardian."
In the opinion of the Rating Board, this film definitely contains some adult material. Parents are strongly urged to find out more about this film before they allow their children to accompany them.An R-rated film may include hard language, or tough violence, or nudity within sensual scenes, or drug abuse or other elements, or a combination of some of the above, so that parents are counseled, in advance, to take this advisory rating very seriously. Parents must find out more about an R-rated movie before they allow their teenagers to view it.NC-17:"No One 17 And Under Admitted."This rating declares that the Rating Board believes that this is a film that most parents will consider patently too adult for their youngsters under 17. No children will be admitted. NC-17 does not necessarily mean "obscene or pornographic" in the oft-accepted or legal meaning of those words. The Board does not and cannot mark films with those words. These are legal terms and for courts to decide. The reasons for the application of an NC-17 rating can be violence or sex or aberrational behavior or drug abuse or any other elements which, when present, most parents would consider too strong and therefore off-limits for viewing by their children.
AppraisalIn any appraisal, what is "too much?" becomes very controversial. How much is "too much" violence? Are classic war films too violent with scenes of marines storming a beach and slaying hundreds, wounding thousands? Is it the graphic cop killing, the gangster shoot-out, or the slap across the face of a woman that determines "too much"? How much is "blood spilled" to be given emphasis? Where is the line to be drawn between "this is alright" and "this is not alright"?The same vexing doubts occur in sex scenes or those where language rises on the Richter scale, or where behavior not considered "normal" is revealed on the screen. What follows is disagreement, inevitable, inexorable, and oftentimes strident. That is what the rating system has to endure and confront. We understand that. We try to do our level best so that most parents would find our ratings mostly accurate and mostly useful.
Appraisal (con't)But, importantly, we urge and implore parents to care about what their children see and watch, to focus their attention on movies so they can know more about a film before they consent to their children watching it.To oversee the Rating Board, the film industry has set up a Policy Review Committee consisting of officials of MPAA and NATO. These men and women set guidelines for the Rating Board to follow, and make certain that the Board carries them out reasonably and appropriately.Because the rating program is a self-regulatory apparatus of the film industry, it is important that no single element of the industry take on the authority of a "czar" beyond any discipline or self-restraint.
Advertising and Trailer PolicyFilm advertising is part of the film industry's self-regulatory mechanism. All advertising for rated motion pictures must be submitted to the Advertising Administration for approval prior to its release to the public. This includes, but is not limited to, print ads, radio and TV spots, pressbooks, videocassette packaging and theatrical and home video trailers.Trailers are an important aspect of the program. They are approved for "all audiences," which means they may be shown with all feature films, or "restricted audiences", which limits their use to feature films rated R or NC-17. There will be, in "all audience" trailers, no scenes that caused the feature to be rated PG, PG-13, R or NC-17.Each trailer carries at the front a tag which tells two things: (1) the audience for which the trailer has been approved, and (2) the rating of the picture being advertised. The tag for "all audience" trailers will have a green background; the tag for "restricted" trailers will have a red background. The color is to alert the projectionist against mismatching trailers with the film being shown on the theater screen.
HOW THE RATING SYSTEM IS USED BY THEATER OWNERS AND VIDEO RETAILERSMotion picture theater owners, who co-founded the rating system in 1968, were the first group in the entertainment industry to voluntarily enforce its guidelines. NATO estimates that the majority of the theater owners in the nation observe the rating system.In the mid 1980's, as watching movies on videocassettes at home soared in popularity, video retailers joined theater owners in embracing the voluntary guidelines of the rating system. Parents who relied on the rating system to determine which films their children viewed in theaters found the information provided by the rating classifications equally helpful in home video. To facilitate its use, ratings are displayed on both the videocassette package and the cassette itself. The Video Software Dealers Association (VSDA), which is the major trade association for video retailers in the United States, has adopted a "Pledge to Parents" which strongly endorses the observance of the voluntary movie rating system by video retailers.
THE PUBLIC REACTION We count it crucial to make regular soundings to find out how the public perceives the rating program, and to measure the approval and disapproval of what we are doing.Nationwide scientific polls, conducted each year by the Opinion Research Corporation of Princeton, New Jersey, have consistently given the rating program high marks by parents throughout the land. The latest poll results show that 76% of parents with children under 13 found the ratings to be "very useful" to "fairly useful" in helping them make decisions for the moviegoing of their children.On the evidence of the polls, the rating system would not have survived if it were not providing a useful service to parents.The rating system isn't perfect but, in an imperfect world, it seems each year to match the expectations of those whom it is designed to serve - parents of America.Last Revised: December, 2000
Ok, bullshit number one: “Indeed many films rated X in the past and NC-17 now, have at least tentatively been given the "adults only" rating because of depictions of violence.” This is untrue and Sin City is a great example of it. That movie got an R rating and I don’t know what the director/editors cut out of the movie to get it or what’s on the cutting room floor but I sure would like to see it.
Second, and the whole paragraph is bullshit but “A film's single use of one of the harsher sexually-derived words, though only as an expletive, shall initially require the Rating Board to issue that film at least a PG-13 rating.” And that’s just to start; they’re saying or rather he’s saying that in a teenybopper movie when a kid says the phrase “oh man I’d really like to fuck nurse Brown this summer”, that gets a R but when the same kid in the very same movie says “that nurse Brown gets on my nerves I’m gonna smash her fucking head”, that would get a PG-13? That’s ok? What the heck is going on is America these days, man I just don’t know.
Listen, God is also telling me that my wife is laying there all snuggled up in the covers right now and I need to be next to her. I need to go to bed and my fingers are tired anyway. I think that I have proven my point at least a little bit in that there is hypocrisy in the system. While they tell us not to view violence, they sell us on movies that are filled with it. While they tell us that it’s shameful to masturbate, they make light of it in the movies. And the most grievous of all; when rape of women is the most despicable crime of all the movie industry thrives on putting a woman in peril time after time. I just don’t see the reasoning and this group that calls themselves a “Board of Directors” aught to be responsible to someone, not just to our government who has let us down in the past.
That’s the Lazlo Report for February 28, 2007
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