Mom Can Still Tell A Killer Story

Once in a great while my mom tells me a great story about her growing up in Kentucky, very poor, during the depression, but in a very loving home with her fourteen brothers and sisters, in a six bedroom home, where there was always one lucky child, the oldest, that got the single room by him or herself.

There was the story of the single pair of shiny new shoes that my Grandfather bought for my mother and her sister, of nearly the same age, that while they were moving to their brand new larger house they took turns wearing so that they could try and impress the people in other cars as they drove along the near baron dusty highway knowing that such behavior would land them a strapping from my Grandpa’s belt.. He was no preacher but they were brought up strict and to them THAT was sneaky. That’s what cracks me up, how far we have come in society and how right I think he was. He kept my mother an honest woman and nowadays that is not easy to find, if not impossible. BUT! ooh hot mama, a ten year old… “shake dem shoes”. Funny.

Then there was the time that my Uncle, the oldest, cut school to go coon hunting and while on the way home he met up with my mom. He was all wet and my mom asked why. Well, just like a coon does it went out on a tree that had fell onto a river bank so my uncle thought he had the coon trapped. NOPE. The coon just jumped onto the river bank so my uncle did the same thing, bad move on my uncle’s part because although he was hunting for coon, all he got was wet.

So when he got home he thought he was safe by just telling my Grandma that he fell into the creek on the way home, my mom just said “she didn’t see what happened” so she didn’t lie but on the other hand she just omitted the truth. However, he had made the mistake of leaving four rounds of 30/30 bullets in his overalls and he had put the overalls on the potbelly stove to dry off. So in about a half an hour later there go those bullets going off in the kitchen. Needless to say my uncle got his ass strapped many times for that and luckily no one got shot or hurt, well except for his my uncle’s ass and a few of his fifteen year old ass pimples too but that’s his personal business and we won’t go into that will we. :-).

Spending all this time with my mom as I have in the past several months is so worth it. To anyone that says that this 73 year old woman has memory problems I say go to hell because she can whip up a good one any time and still remember how to sew and fix a cup of coffee.. Hell, she has it spewing out of her; you just have to get her started like a gas pump. Today she told me about a sibling that pooped (yes, shit) on his sister’s barnyard animal as he hid in the loft of the barn, for no good reason, just twisted a little bit I guess. See why I can’t use real names! My family would burn me at the stake!!!

These stories are abundant and so long as mom is alive I plan to write more. We figured out that her medical condition is quite simple. She’s been doing so many things for so many people for so long that at age 73 she just has too many things on her plate and just hasn’t learned to say no. I am trying to teach her something that her mother taught me. “You can be Oh So Nice in this world Turry” she told me, she always called me Turbule Turry, “or you can you Oh So Pleasant, well I recommend Pleasant Turry”
Turry, she always called me Turry.

With that advice in hand I am trying to convince my mother to just be Oh So Pleasant every day so that she can have a pleasant day and she doesn’t have to be nice to everyone and say yes to everyone. I tell her just tell people that she doesn’t have time, and slow down. That way she will not be so frustrated all the time about having to do so much work every day. Friggin Christmas almost killed her I swear. Anyhow, more stories at another time.

That’s the Lazlo Report for Wednesday 1-3-2007