The Lazlo Report

Sunday

American Press International Reports on The Lazlo Report.

“Or at least That’s what I heard” said the writer and founder of the blog himself, Lazlo T. Hofstedder when he awoke to what he thought he was hearing on the radio was an interview between himself and a news reporter from API. Said Hofstedder: “I was absolutely astonished that they had picked up on my blogs so quickly and I’m glad to see that the issues that I write about are finally taken seriously”.

Mr. Hofstedder has been writing this blog for about two months now and with the exception with one crash he tells me there has been smooth sailing with Google’s Blogspot but not so with the ever popular myspace,com. Lazlo asked me to write this article up for him just in case the rumor was indeed was true and they had taken a look at his so he was not accused of bloviating on his blog site. “Oh neewww, not me” He said, when just asked to comment on the subject.

Lazlo has written several different blogs on several different subjects but I suppose that my favorite has to be the one on the 29th of last month titled bloviating Somebody Is Taking Away the Seven Deadly Sins and it Pisses Me Off but again Jesus Christ Doesn’t Speak English in which he best represents his case how an evil force in the United States breaking down our society in a way that is against everything that we used to believe in when we were kids and that was not too long ago. I remember the very same thing and I was not a “churchie” either but I was taken to Sunday School every week and why we don’t take our children to Sunday School any more is beyond me.

That’s the Lazlo Report done for Lazlo on Sunday February 4, 2007
Writer, Producer
Anne E. Graham

Tuesday

(Hebrews 11.1) It's Called Faith

Sorry that I haven’t posted about God in a while. You all will have to excuse me for not posting sooner, and to explain, it will take me just a little time out of this blog but what they hey....... Ya see I have these two really wonderful parents that are both in their mid to late 70s. In the past couple of months I have been going over and spending upwards of three days a week with my mom, just talking to her, or helping my dad with his computer and teaching him the basics. I would teach him so much more but I fear his head would explode. Along with this I have also been trying to keep up with my regular house duties, trying to take care of my wonderful wife of over 21 years, trying to do favors for my friends and all the while I am a disabled person.

Many people don’t know this, and I won’t let this little titbit out again, it can take me up to a couple of weeks to flush out an idea for a blog, research, pictures, Adobe, fact-checking, typing, and then building web pages are just a start, let alone FTPing . This Blog is just one such idea.

Since just before Christmas 06 three things dawned on me:

A) I owe my life to Jesus Christ and my parents and then to myself, in that order
B) That I could be oh so nice or oh so pleasant, I recommend being pleasant.
C) God does not speak English.

These three things to me are the most important things in my life right now so to accept the things above allows me to take care of myself, my wife, and my parents and still be a nice person to other people when I can. It doesn’t however mean that I need to be nice to everyone all the time and that was what I was trying to do. To do that however, I was neglecting other people in my life and, most importantly, my God. It’s sort of a catch22 because although I’m a pretty nice guy, I’m only one man. No one can be expected to be ….oh…I don’t know…. let’s see….a Carpenter….and also be expected to please everyone on earth, it can’t be done. If I could do that I would be Christ like and I am far from that. Like I said, I’m only a man. So I am content with just being myself and taking care of my family as well. I do what I can for others and hope that they don’t expect too much. In the Bible it says that faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you don’t see. (Hebrews 11.1) Bad ass huh?

As far as my statement “God doesn’t speak English”; That dawned on me nearer the new year. As far back as I can remember the Bible was written in Ancient Aramaic, and then translated to Hebrew or the other way around, it doesn’t really matter. In any event, the people that Sailed the Ocean’s Blue in 1492 weren’t Arabian nor Jews or even rogue Romans. I believe they were Brittan’s who were fed up with the crappy laws in England.

They probably brought with them a beautifully embossed copy of the Bible and they incorporated several of the passages, including the Ten Commandments, into the laws that we now know today, like our Constitution and Bill of Rights because the Bible has always been based upon faith, fairness and truth. It’s because of this statement alone that I could care less if people cuss, it’s what they mean by their words that counts. People in politics today have forgotten all of this, at least at the highest levels. (Have I told you all this story? Anyway)

Intellectually I see nothing wrong, nor do I think God would, if you privately told your wife or husband that you wanted to fuck them tonight. However, if you were in an argument and said the same thing it would have a completely different meaning and would be against your partner and God. The same thing can be said for the words “hit on”. Now, “hit on” are not cuss words in English but if used in a hurtful way they are against another person and against God.

This may be hard for some of you to grasp and I apologize. The only way for me to explain is to stick to my opening and the 1492 thing, just think about it. Americans have messed up so many things already and it’s coming to the time that we are going to have to pay the fiddler. That’s probably an expression that you younger folk don’t know but you will come to learn. It comes from a Mother Goose poem The Pied Piper. Read it some time, it teaches us that eventually we all pay the price for following the wrong person blindly.

Well, to all of my friends, “you know who”, oh yeah and lil Jimmy with the gimpy leg, when I have the time I will post again about my religion but rest assured that Lazlo’s heart is alive and well and doing fine. Oh sure, my spinal cord still sucks but I can’t complain, I have a new member on my medical staff, and he doesn’t have a medical license :-)

Ok, it’s.. Jesus Christ…….…goddamn……....you people…..….waddaya stupid ovade?

That’s The Lazlo Report for January 30, 2007

Monday

Somebody Is Taking Away the Seven Deadly Sins and it Pisses Me Off but again Jesus Christ Doesn’t Speak English

(1) Pride/Humility: Seeing ourselves as we are and not comparing ourselves to others is humility. Pride and vanity are competitive. If someone else's pride really bothers you, you have a lot of pride

America isn’t always number one any more while at the same time being able to lend that helping hand. We lack in our children’s test score’s, but we still accept more kids into the classroom with fewer dollars. We lack in having things “made in America” yet we keep purchasing thing that we used to make, like nice cars, from our neighboring countries because the labor is cheaper there and our corporations will make more money. The problem is, those corporations are being bought by international companies so we still loose. Dumb-asses! We lack in border security, holly crap I don’t even need to explain that one. The fact is that there are other countries that have much more pride then ours now but there used to be a day when we had both pride and humility and that is just so sad.

(2) Envy /Love: Love is patient, love is kind. Love actively seeks the good of others for their sake. Envy resents the good others receive or even might receive. Envy is almost indistinguishable from pride at times.

Everyone likes to be loved. Everyone wants to be loved. The problem as I see it is that in today’s America, the Left Wing Propaganda Machine is feeding us this bullshit that we should be ashamed of ourselves for something and frankly I don’t have anything to be ashamed for. We went through the Great Depression with people selling matches on the street corner because they had pride in themselves. We loved ourselves as a nation and that seems to be gone. It’s OK to love America and say that America stands for the side of all that is nobel in men and all that is holy at the same time. Whether you pray to Jesus Christ or to Buda, the message that all that is good is great is the same message. Love conquers all and people in the 60’s knew that, somehow we can get that feeling back.

(3) Wrath/Anger Kindness: Kindness means taking the tender approach, with patience and compassion. Anger is often our first reaction to the problems of others. Impatience with the faults of others is related to this.

I think that the Media is filling the heads of too many people that we are too angry and have wielded the mighty wrath of the USA for too long. Because of this they pugh the kindness approach way too much. However, this country was founded on kindness and compassion as well as strength so we need a balance of both. Only part of the population with children can relate to this philosophy.

The phrase Proverbial Path to wherever comes from an old English expression. Have you ever wondered how that expression came about? Well think about it; Proverbs. Now, if the Bible had that much influence in our language then it must have been around just abut at the same time that our speech was being translated from whatever language there was at the time too, but then there was these expressions to explain, “proverbial paths”, so where did they get their information? From some one else’s Bible maybe, DUH! So the next time some one suggests that the story of the Bible is a fairy tale or isn’t real you just bring up that little tit bit of information on them OK?

(4) Sloth /Zeal: Zeal is the energetic response of the heart to God's commands. The other sins work together to deaden the spiritual senses so we first become slow to respond to God and then drift completely into the sleep of complacency

Yep, exactly what I’m talking about what is happening. For so long this country balanced the Church and State issue just fine until about the mid 70’s or 80 when activist got into our country and misconstrued our own laws and Constitution to start to make people believe that it was ok to forget about what our founding father used to set up these United States with; They used God in their everyday way of life. It’s written into just about every “older” copy of our documents but there is someone making a sorted effort to almost shred each and every one of those documents one by one.

(5) Avarice/Greed Generosity: This is about more than money. Generosity means letting others get the credit or praise. It is giving without having expectations of the other person. Greed wants to get its "fair share" or a bit more.

American’s have a television show called Deal or No Deal, Who wants to be a Millionaire and a litany of others, the United States produces more millionaires and billionaires than anywhere else in the world, and yet still, less people are giving to the familiar ringing bell, outside of department stores, during Christmas time because of the word Christmas? Go figure that one.

(6) Gluttony/Faith and Temperance: Temperance accepts the natural limits of pleasures and preserves this natural balance. This does not pertain only to food, but to entertainment and other legitimate goods, and even the company of others

Number six is about a couple of things. We are a fat society. We pig out in the malls. We buy in excess and we eat in excess our children are fat and we think they are cute, they’re not, they’re fat. Also, this applies to our faith too doesn’t it? It seems that the Christian faiths, well many faiths, are being systematically dismantled by some sort of outside influence in the world today and it looks allot like the far left media because whatever is being replaced is just an empty shell of what it used to be. The people that I believe in can be and have been so much more.

(7) Lust /Self control: Self control and self mastery prevent pleasure from killing the soul by suffocation. Legitimate pleasures are controlled in the same way an athlete's muscles are: for maximum efficiency without damage. Lust is the self-destructive drive for pleasure out of proportion to its worth. Sex, power, or image can be used well, but they tend to go out of control

Not since the last time that God destroyed our planet has anyone seen such terrible behavior in people that I now see in just about most all people today. There are people that will literally whore themselves out for $2.00 worth of crack or even a $30 Oxycontin pill is the big high now but as back as short of a time as my day, and that was just in the 50’s and 60’s, people were civilized enough to have never thought of whoring themselves out for that little of dope. It wasn’t even publicized that averaged people did drugs let alone had drug problems, let alone whored themselves out, let alone in mass numbers, let alone in mass communities, let alone in mass cities, let alone in a mass number of the states, Let alone it coming in from every puke shithole left wing communist country from every shithole place on earth to descend on us like a plague, a dark infested plague of cancer that can’t be taken out surgically.

I want to know where my Edward R. Morrow is. I want to know when the commies are gonna leave Washington. The Red’s are gonna get out of town. That’s what I want to know. Well, there’s another blog for me sometime, where the hell has Washington gone, when and why? Yeah, and Washington, where the politicians are just a bunch of whores, whoring themselves off these days too, for the lobbyists for large corporations that donate large money to senate finance bills, and the reelection of the person running the scam, the total scam on all Americans at the time, and it’s all one big money scam, or a money game depending how you look upon it. Oh I have them down pat and know them better than they know themselves, but again, that’s another story.

But I guess I am today’s Eddie R. Morrow, telling people that they are brain dead from they eye brow’s up. That the war right now isn’t in rural mid-west Indiana or the streets of Toledo Ohio, they’re in Hollywood and in Lexington, Kentucky again. They’re being fought over the same things that they were being fought over only five decades ago anyway and lets take a good look at that shall we.

Edward R. Morrow designed the first Person to Person, the first one on one interview right? Well if you click on the left to see where that link takes you today, which I did, and I made the link, then it takes you to a Howard Kotch link. They produce Infomercials, which if you really think about it is what a person to person was at that time. But I doubt that Mr. Morrow saw the hand writing on the wall and didn't know that someone else would reverse engineered his idea and then make millions upon millions on it by selling everything from exercise videos to videos about how to make videos.

But that isn’t what has me disturbed about Hollywood and their gang of ninety thieves. No it’s the great institutions of Hollywood like Turner Classic Films giving away thousands of hours of film to persons not from our country in The Young Film Composer’s Competition, absolutely distasteful and that isn’t it either. Now TV Land' putting on M*A*SH*, how could they do that and still have Leave It To Beaver in the same time slot? Mr. Fonzarelli tell me it isn’t so!

And then we have a President that can’t seem to be able to talk to the American people, to just get his message across. If I can tell the story then why can’t he. Seven of the nine high-jacker’s came from Syria but were trained in Iran, the other two were trained in Al Qaeda camps in Iraq. Iraq, President Bush was told, was stockpiling weapons of mass destruction. It’s that simple no other stories needed except that he told the world that “If you harbor or train terrorists we will hunt you down and bring you to justice for killing over 3000 innocent lives on 9/11”, doesn’t anyone remember that? Shit man, it’s all people talk about and now they call the truth a lie, I don’t understand that they are saying that he lied when he said everything that they are saying that he said! What is it that he lied about? That there were weapons of mass destruction? No, his military advisors told him that there were weapons there and he acted upon that information, and the Congress that is blasting him on it VOTED ON IT damnit, what are they fools? I know that I’m not a fool a but they may think I’m a fool but they ain’t fool’n me.

If people don’t get off of their collective ass and do something to stop this madness we are going to loose this great nation of ours and we are going to loose everything that we hold dear in our hearts and in humanity. I believe there are a few good people left out there in America fighting for a just and mighty cause. Sean Hanity isn’t just putting on a show, although he has one to do every day. He has a good message to spread and you should listen to him. But it starts with an open mind and then it begins with closing off the comunistic fear in this country that we now have let in over our borders, and it is real people, the people may be good deap down but their logic and their form of government, to empos it upon us here in the US of A is wrong and will always be wrong as long as we are a free Nation and we can oolny be free if you stand up for your rights and say no to big Government like Democrats stand for. Look on the fron page of this blog and read the Constitution again and again, read it over and over. The main theme that it has is that it shall make no law that is intrusive into your home. That is what your government should stand for and it should be be ran by the people and for the people.

Always!

For now, That’s The Lazlo Report, for January 29, 2007, Goodnight and I Hope That We Even Have a Country in the Morning

Friday

Fixing Immigration and Social Security all at the Same Time

My latest idea could help repair the problem of illegal immigration and identity theft to eventually fix the massive problem that we face in this Nation today.

First of all though, I want to say hello to Pookiekake, my very dear friend from my pals over at Acuwin.com, I have not been over there for a while because I have spent so much time with my mom and dad plus doing this blog but then that is another story all together.

However, our Nation's Social Security program is broken and I think that I have an idea that will work if anyone wants to start a company based upon a logo that I made up logo and around what has been in the farm industry for over a decade or more.

It's called Retinal Eye scanning. And while I have coined this phrase "The Social Security Eye Scan Card." Or better said, for those who aren't up to speed; "SS-Eye". That stands for SSI I’ve made a logo with two SS's and an eyeball. I have a picture of this on my personal page and if you want to see it just click here. Anyone wanting to steal this and make themselves a million or even a billion dollar industry out of it is very welcome to it. All I want is to either be in on the ground floor with whoever starts up this company or just a small amount of credit and maybe some cash down the road; but someone has to be able to put this together.

My main objective though is just to see it work for the betterment of America. I love my country and I am proud to be an American. I don't want that taken away from any of us. I don’t want to have the old woman down the street, or me, have her social Security number used by someone in Mexico or Pakistan or wherever because our government officials are too lazy to get off their asses and do something about the system. Or have the system pay for non Americans getting free health care when they have never paid into the system EVER nor will they ever reach the age of 65 to collect the benefits out of the system either. The private sector has always been able to do better first. That’s why it’s broken and that’s how we can fix it.

Now at my age, and considering the fact that I am disabled, and knowing that I don’t know any body in the government or livestock industry, I would have a hard time doing an upstart of a company on my own. However, there must be plenty of you out there that have contacts that you can put yourselves together and make this happen. Private industry is what this country is based upon anyway. Make a small independent company and then sell your contract to the U.S. Government; you can make millions!!

I'm not saying that it's right, I’m just saying that it might be possable to save the Social Security system that needs to be saved right away and then the illegal worker program that is COMPLELY OUT OF CONTROL in this country so at the same time we can fix both problems without any animosity and without amnesty, just like the president said in the State of the Union speech the other night.

If every legal citizen of the United States has an eye scan on their social security card then there would be no way to forge a card and apply for a job because all businesses would have to be required to have an eye scanner installed to verify people just as I would have to do when I go down to the bank and apply for a loan. Naturally for smaller businesses there would be verification centers to go to set up by the US Government. It would then make it all fair for every persons in America, everyone would have to show their eye into an eye scanner, regardless if they are rich or poor, young or old, yellow or green, black or white. That would set the standard for who gets in or out of our borders. This could also be added to our passports within three years.

We have been using this same technology for several years anyway, well over a decade now, on cattle and other livestock to identify them and count them because the eye is just as accurate as DNA. Yep! Just as accurate as DNA, not that we are anything like cattle and this is some sort of another Orwellian theory or plot, no this is just plain old fashioned cowboy stuff brought in to help out in the time of national disaster. Fingerprints can be obscured by burning them off or by wax overlays but unless you want to poke your eyes out and wear prosthetics and then have a plastic eyeball put in to match up to some fake ID; (which I can see crazy a ass terrorist doing) this idea, I think anyway, can repair the problems we have.

So, if you're interested in using this logo and you want to start a company AND you have contacts with the Federal Government, go ahead and email me at the address listed within these pages so I can work with you. I have other talents besides writing and Adobe. I have ran business' before, one that I owned myself for thirteen years and one in Los Angeles that I left after 12 years as Operations Manager, another that….Hmm, giving out too much personal info.

Otherwise just steal from here and do it on your own and I'll just find you later. Either way it gets done and I'll be happy. America needs it, I need it and you need it. Shit, we all need this type of program to keep us safe from terrorism in the future and to keep our children and their children safe from people that we don’t want coming in over the border. It’s been too many years that America has been down-sizing itself in class. It’s about time that we do something about it and at least this program is a head start on giving American’s just that, CLASS. With that comes pride, togetherness, fellowship, honor, and most of all respect. Respect for another human being is one of the most basic needs and wants of every human being on the planet but we as a nation can’t even seem to teach our own Goddamn children anything about it. You got little kids in the mall telling their mother’s to fuck off and I am absolutely baffled by this behavior thinking that it’s the parenting that brought this on. Good Lord, in my day I would have gotten my mouth washed out with soap and that mall would have gone dead silent. Oh man, and then when I got home I would have had to face the wrath my father’s belt!

Sorry, sort of got off tract there, so if you want the idea, just go to my personal page to get it or email me. I would fancy to help because as you can see I am rather passionate about it.

That’s The Lazlo Report for January 26, 2007

Wednesday

Big Tobacco is Bad Business

Have you ever wondered what is inside of a cigarette; even those extra-extra-light cigarettes? Well, I have a list of things that the big and small tobacco companies are putting in today’s smokes and I guarantee that it will probably make you puke, that is if you are a smoker. I was once and it made me stop smoking commercial cigarettes about as fast as I read the list.

I’m not a crazy non-smoker and I disagree with a lot of these laws about not letting people smoke in some places. I say that if it’s your bar and you want smoking in it then it’s your call. People go to bars expecting booze and smoke and if they want a bar without smoking then look one up in the yellow pages. However, I can go along with no smoking in restaurants so long as it’s always been a no smoking restaurant. If the clientele come there to smoke then there needs to be a sign outside that reads “This is a Smoking Establishment”.

But back to the list, here is a list of the insane things that the tobacco companies put into commercial tobacco that people smoke;

Acetone: nail polish remover
Ammonia: household cleaner
Angelica root extract: known to cause cancer in animals
Arsenic: used in rat poisons
Butane: gas, used in lighters
Carbon monoxide: poisonous gas
Cadmium: used in batteries
Cyanide: DEADLY POISON
DDT: a banned insecticide
Ethyl Futoate: causes liver damage in animals
Formaldehyde: used to preserve dead things
Hydrazine: rocket fuel
Napthalene: ingredient in mothballs
Lead: poisonous in high doses
Methoprene: insecticide
Polonium: cancer causing radioactive element
Nicotine: Although they can survive a nuclear bomb, nicotine can kill cockroaches
Methyl isocyanate: In 1984, it’s accidental release in gas form killed 2000 people in Bhopal India

That is just the short list too! Good Lord people, when I saw that list for the first time I did try to quit smoking, again, as I have so many times before, with the gum and the patches but I just couldn’t do it.

What I turned to was something quite different and while I do not promote smoking, nor do I suggest anyone go out and start smoking, I defiantly think that going with Natural Tobacco is the way to go because it has none of the chemicals above and because it will save you about $3.40 a pack. If you smoke even the cheaper brands like I did, that’s like $102 per month in savings or over $1,200.00 per year.

The brand I smoke is Farmer’s Gold but there are several out there and then they make these pre-fab tubes that you use to push the tobacco into with a handy-dandy cool little tool that takes about twenty seconds to make one smoke once you get the hang of it. Like I said, I don’t promote smoking but if you do, and there are millions of people who do, it’s a far far better way to do it. Sorry to promote them and only put their link but I really didn’t have the time today to put a bunch of links on today’s Blog. Anywho, they’re all about the same. (bulk tobacco I mean)

What bothers me is that there must have been a meeting at some point at which some Executives met and had to decide what to do with all, or may just one of, the chemicals that I listed above. HHmmmm. Let’s see, when did someone decide to put cadmium into cigarettes? I thought that this was just used in batteries but I have literature from the Mayo Clinic that says differently. Sounds like somebody’s lying . . . . Oh heavens no, the tobacco companies lie to us? No way!

Used to preserve dead animals, Formaldehyde; hmmm, now here’s another good one, now why would anyone put this particular chemical into a product unless they were just asking them to: “Hey, ya’ll just wanna burn that shit into the air fur us in yur cigarettes, that’d be real great, hey thanks man here’s a million dollars”. And I think it probably went about that quick of a meeting or a phone call. I’m not shitting you. You try and figure it out because I can’t and go up against big tobacco and you’ll probably get your ass kicked or worse.

There’s a couple that I can explain like the Butane that is used to keep the paper lit continually as the cigarette burns, that one makes some sense but the rest of them and then there’s good old Nicotine that brews up naturally in tobacco anyway but in Natural Tobacco it is far less than what is in the commercial because no is added. Good God they think we are all mindless goobers or something, well I have news for them, we’re not. We’re smart moe-foe’s with an attitude and we give a shit these days about our health.

And don’t start charging us more for this now moderately low priced stuff, speaking for myself anyway, I won’t stand for it. I will write to my Congressmen and to some Senators just to blow the whistle on big tobacco at some point. But I won’t for now. Nope, not me, for now I am just gonna be sit’n back and enjoying myself a rolled, naturally grown, tobacco cigarette in the comfort of my own home as I do my Blog each and every day. I may not smoke as much anymore but what I do smoke isn’t mixed with my kids chemistry set either.

That’s The Lazlo Report for January 24, 2007

Tuesday

The Unusual Suspect

For the rest of the off time that I had, It has been spent reading Stephen Baldwin’s new book The Unusual Suspect. At first I was a little skeptical about a Baldwin becoming a Christian but the more I read, the more I see myself in his story.

Well, no I haven’t made millions making movies, playing everything from a hit man to a teenage littler-bugging boob, but I do see allot of my own childhood in him as I read his book. The way in which he grew up in a loving family was similar and had loving and suportive parents too.

I was also temped several times by the devil in several different situations that as I look back on them now seemed perfectly harmless but could have turned into such disaster that I would have sold my soul for sure, or at least lost my wife and children and gone to prison.

His description of his brother’s fight with his devils are worth mentioning because my brother lost his fight twenty-four years ago and although the devil took him, I will always love the lord that much more and miss my brother more than ever knowing that I will see my bro someday soon.

He also tells of his plight with his twelve step program and what an impact the third step made on him not to mention him wanting to stop drinking during which time I did too much earlier in my life. (I'm a little older that Stephen B by a coule of years) It was then that I knew in my heart of hearts that God was speaking to me in a way that I didn’t fully understand at the time but I do know now. God does have a mission and a plan for all of us set up by Him before birth to do His work for Him while we’re here and for some of us it just takes a bit longer for the plans to be revealed.

I was once out of town in a hotel room, a twice a week thing for me with the job I had, and even though I had been married for just a short time to my second wife I was still drinking, I was offered a line of cocaine with I gladly accepted, I went into the hotel room of this fellow traveler at the hotel and upon entering she removed her bathing suit top because we were out by the pool at the time. She looked over to me after we did our lines and asked me if I wanted to get lucky that night. Now I had a decision to make. I could have easily gotten away with cheating on my wife but God would have known and I would have known and I just had to tell her thank you for the drugs, (hey I was just being polite) that she had spectacular breasts, but that I was married and so no thank you. She then asked me if I wanted to go back to the pool and I gladly accepted and we spent another half an hour until the hotel people kicked us out for being out there too late.

The reason I tell this story is that I too had to deal with temptations just after learning that particular step in my program too and there’s more that I can relate to throughout his book, for me though the AA meetings were just a bunch of caffeine addicted folks and people smoking cigarettes so much that I almost couldn’t breath. The state that required it also used to take your word about going and now it’s all one big money making machine for MAD that state (not Ohio but they don’t get off scott free either) I’m not anti Mad or anti AA, they’re both good organizations but I found that inner strength was far more powerful than what I was learning out of a book. I had a monkey on my shoulder and I had to shake it, shake it like a Polaroid.

That's The Lazlo Report for January 23, 2007

Monday

I Just Have To Get Away From It Sometime

Sometimes you say to yourself “screw this”, ya know? “I’ve had enough of all of the politics and doom all the time” so this blog is going to be a little different for a change and I am just going to type for the sake of typing.

For those of you who know me well, and there are many, I do this a lot where I go off on a tangent and just type as I think. No editing, no fact-checking, no spell check (well ok Microsoft does the spell checking) but anyway I do just sit here at my keyboard and as I think I put it up there on the screen and if it isn’t retarded then I’ll go ahead and submit it as a Blog. I’ve done it before and I’ll probably do it again.

Most predominant in my life right now is my religion. I have found a new found love for God that is pretty hard to explain. It’s like sticking my head out of a NASCAR window and doing that wind tunnel thing with my mouth while I’m doing 210 mile an hour still knowing that I’ll be perfectly safe but I have no seat belts or whatever they wear.

I grew up in a house where my mom tried to drag us off to church every Sunday until at about age 13 when it started to become a beauty pageant at the Sunday School and when we complained to my dad about it he gave us the reprieve we all as siblings rejoiced. Still, all throughout my life I knew that I was a good guy, I was no preacher, but I was a good guy.

I never got into much trouble except for attention around the hose. While my so-called friends were off cutting school and pinching candy bars from the local 7-11 and Stop-n-Go, sometimes the Circle-K, I was at home talking with my mom trying to figure out how to cook or I was hanging out with my dad as he cleaned out his Laundromats that he had to own just to help raise four kids.

That might sound uppity “had to own Laundromats” but believe me owning four Laundromats wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. He got robbed all the time, the washers broke down allot, I had to go with him all the time to clean lint out of the dryers as well as other cleaning duties that I didn’t want to do. He did a shitload of cleaning himself too on hindsight.

Some of my favorite memories with my dad were at those damn laundries though because even though it was about money, which I gave mostly to him because he needed it more than I did, we set up traps for people’s cash as it ame out of their cloths as they washed it. The washers that were built back in the 1960's had no way of catching any of the coins and paper money that came out of them so my dad and I invented these screens that we fit onto the drains that caught just coins and paper as it came out of machines. Shit like hair and crap would go right by but oh boy we would sometimes make $200 to $250 a weekend in change and bills between the large tub washers down to the large lint catchers on the dryers, Oh-laalaa the dryers back then were a dime ok? Well nevermind........ I feel a little bad now but back then I was in heaven because it made my dad real happy when I paid for dinner for the night. Well, I will pick this up in a day or two but I just had to post sometime today.

Chow my friends

That The Lazlo Report for January 22, 2007

Thursday

This Is The Real Illegal Problem

In the United States today we have an estimated 13 million illegal aliens here and most of them have came from south of the border whether most Americans want to admit that or not. Most Americans want to just sweep it under the rug and think that it isn’t happening or that it doesn’t affect them but it does.

The problem with dealing with this particular subject is that if you do, you are call a racist or worse. Here on The Lazlo Report however I can give you proof that the “Illegal” Mexican problem is a crock of bullshit and that the liberal media is sending a message to our young people, and to the Mexicans that are already here, the one’s who got here “legally”, that it’s OK to defy U.S. Law and that all of the people that have waited in lines for years should just eat shit and die because Pedro and his brothers need to cross the border and get free health care and free food that the next two generations will have to pay for.

Now whether that sounds harsh or not, that is the reality of the situation and the young people of today are too stupid to understand it unless you talk to them in the language that they speak in. Oh, I can hear the pundits now; Lazlo is crazy, Lazlo has nothing to back it up. Ah contraire says the man. The following is some facts from about ten years ago and take it from me, I was just out there a few weeks ago and it wasn’t any better by a long shot so as for this information, some of it may surprise you and some of it may not, none the less all of you need to take a good look at what has been created out there on the west coast: (personally, I used to live there, and with few exceptions, I know what a shithole it has become)

1. 40% of all workers in Los Angeles. County ( L.A. County has 10.2 million people) are working for cash and not paying taxes. This was because they are predominantly illegal immigrants, working without a green card.
2. 95% of warrants for murder in Los Angeles are for illegal aliens.
3. 75% of people on the most wanted list in Los Angeles are illegal aliens.
4. Over 2/3 of all births in Los Angeles County are to illegal alien Mexicans on Medi-Cal, whose births were paid for by taxpayers.
5. Nearly 25% of all inmates in California detention centers are Mexican nationals here illegally.
6. Over 300,000 illegal aliens in Los Angeles County are living in garages.
7. The FBI reports half of all gang members in Los Angeles are most likely illegal aliens from south of the border.
8. Nearly 60% of all occupants of HUD properties are illegal.
9. 21 radio stations in L.A. are Spanish speaking.
10. In Los .Angeles.County 5.1 million people speak English, 3.9 million speak Spanish. (There are 10.2 million people in L.A. County). This information above comes from the Los Angeles Times, Orange County edition.

Did you know that:

Less than 2% of illegal aliens are picking our crops, but 29% are on welfare.
Over 70% of the United States' annual population growth (and over 90% of California, Florida, and New York) results from immigration.
The cost of immigration to the American taxpayer in 1997, (after subtracting taxes that immigrants pay), was a NET $70 BILLION/ year [according to Professor Donald Huddle of Rice University]
The lifetime fiscal impact (taxes paid minus services used) for the average adult Mexican immigrant is a NEGATIVE number.

29% of inmates in federal prisons are illegal aliens.
If they can come to this country to raise Hell and demonstrate by the thousands, then why can't they go and take charge over the corruption in their own country? We are a bunch of fools for letting this continue. In other words, if Mexico is so bad, then they should all stay there thinking Mexico will fix itself on it’s own and then while they are here get bullions of OUR tax dollars for free. We used to have a very nice country until they came here and fucked it up and tried to make it like their own. It is not another Mexico; it is America, if you didn’t like it you shouldn’t have come here to begin with. If you don’t like our laws don’t try to change them, go back to Mexico where they have Mexican laws. The same goes forany other third world nation that thinks they can just tear down this nation.

.THE U.S. VS MEXICO

On February 15, 1998, the U.S. and Mexican soccer teams met at the Los Angeles Coliseum. The crowd was overwhelmingly pro-Mexican even though most lived in this country. They booed during the National Anthem and U.S. flags were held upside down. As the match progressed, supporters of the U.S. team were insulted, pelted with projectiles, punched and spat upon. Beer and trash were thrown at the U.S. players before and after the match. The coach of the U.S. team, Steve Sampson said, "This was the most painful experience I have ever had in this profession."

Did you know that immigrants from Mexico and other non-European countries can come to this country and get preferences in jobs, education, and government contracts. It's called affirmative action or racial privilege. The Emperor of Japan or the President of Mexico could migrate here and immediately be eligible for special rights unavailable for Americans of European descent. Corporate America has even signed on to the idea that minorities and third world immigrants should get special, privileged status. Some examples are Exxon, Texaco, Merrill Lynch, Boeing, Paine Weber, Starbucks and many more.

Did you know ... that Mexico regularly intercedes on the side of the defense in criminal cases involving Mexican nationals?
Did you know ... that Mexico has NEVER extradited a Mexican national accused of murder in the U.S. in spite of agreements to do so?
According to the L.A. Times, Orange County, California is home to 275 gangs with 17,000 members, 98% of which are Mexican and Asian. How's your county doing? According to a New York Times article dated May 19, 1994, 20 years after the great influx of legal immigrants from Southeast Asia, 30% are still on welfare compared to 8% of households nationwide. A Wall Street Journal editorial dated December 5, 1994 quotes law enforcement officials as stating that Asian mobsters are the "greatest criminal challenge this country faces.” Not bad for a group that is still under 5% of the population.

Is education important to you? Here are the words of a teacher who spent over 20 years in the Los Angeles School system; “Imagine teachers in classes containing 30-40 students of widely varying attention spans and motivation, most of whom aren't fluent in English. Educators today seek learning materials likely to reach the majority of students and that means fewer words and math problems and more pictures and multicultural references, which means lower test scores and ultimately fewer graduations."

I remember hearing about the immigrants that came through Ellis Island. They wanted to learn English. They wanted to breathe free. They wanted to become Americans. Now, far too many immigrants come here with demands. They demand to be taught in their own language. They demand special privileges ... affirmative action. They demand ethnic studies that glorify their culture.

Well I’m proud To Be White Someone finally had to say it. How many are actually paying attention to this? There are African Americans, Mexican Americans, Asian Americans, Arab Americans, Native Americans, etc. And then there are just Americans.

OK, so you pass me on the street and sneer in my direction; you call me White boy, Cracker, Honkey, Whitey, Caveman , Oh, and that's OK? But when I call you, Nigger, a Kike, a Towel head, a Sand-nigger, a Camel Jockey, a Beaner, a Gook, or a Chink and you call me a racists? What the fuck? You also might say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live? The reason is because you have the United Negro College Fund, you have Martin Luther King Day and you have Black History Month. Then you have Cesar Chavez Day, you have Yom Hashoah,. you have Ma'uled Al-Nabi, you have the NAACP and you have BET.

Now, as White People, If we had WET (White Entertainment Television).. We would instantly be called racists.
If we had a White Pride Day... You would call us racists.
If we had White History Month.. We'd be racists.
If we had any organization for only whites to "advance" OUR lives ... we'd be racists.

We have a Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber of Commerce, and then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce. Hmm, I wonder who pays for that? If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships, you know we'd be racists in the eyes of every liberal on the planet. There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US , yet if there were "White colleges" ..THAT would be a racist college.

In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If white people were to march for our race and rights, you would call us racists. You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and red, and you're not afraid to announce it. But when you announce you’re white pride. You’re called a racist. You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a colored gang member or beats up a colored drug-dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, ya sure do call him a racist.

I am proud man but I’m a proud American. But then for some reason you call me a racist. Why is it that only whites can be racists?

There is nothing improper about this portion of this Blog. Let's see which of you are proud enough to send it on. (copy and paste all you want)

"If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under".
~Ronald Reagan

So what’s up with that? I ask you. What is the problem What is the “real illegal problem” after all, because if I didn’t just explain it above, and you don’t get it now, then my friends, I think that you have a Styrofoam in place of your brain or you’re reading this somewhere near a Viva Market and thinking what an culo I am.

Note: I dedicate this blog to the name to which it's linked to. It's one of the best web pages I have EVER read on what being an American is all about. READ IT!!!!

That’s the Lazlo Report for January 20, 2007

Monday

Telling it like it is

In today’s world of politics there’s a sort of “do it to them before they do to you” attitude. Now, I’m forty-seven and I remember when a candidate would come on to television and say what HE was going to do for the Country and not what his opponent hasn’t done or what the opponent is going to do to screw things up.

During one of the last elections some time ago, my wife asked me while sipping coffee in bed, “When did they all go negative ads”. My answer was that it was just at about the same time that Bill Clinton hired his bald headed, small-minded crony named James Carvelle. Carvelle, a man who could put a spin on his mother murdering a Girl Scout, because the girl didn’t have enough dipsy-doodles, and those on the right in this country would soon forget about the poor little girl whom she murdered because we would all have to sit and listen to Mr. Carvelle talk about his aged mother who’s only joy in life was loving those cookies. And to beet all, I’m sure that Mr. Carvelle would represent his aged mother and get her off scot-free too.

That’s how far to the left this Country has gone and Bill Clinton used to have this man in his ear, every day, all day. If anyone remembers, this man started the hatred of the Republicans from the Democrats but then he had to let it spew onto mainstream television and America seem to approve of it only because he was married to a Republican, Mary Matalin, who just happen to be a friend of the Bush Administration. Although Mr. Carville has a stunning academic record for which I commend him, it still does not excuse the fact that he, along with a select few, guided Bill Clinton to become the first “Black President” something that our country wasn’t ready for until we find an African American person who can put their African heritage aside.

In so that you don’t start thinking that I am not a racist, I will say that again; we are not ready for an African American president until we can find a person who can put their African heritage aside them and stand alone as an American, as just a Black American. There are millions of wonderful black Americans born each day and that live right here in America that don’t prescribe to the diatribe of this African-Islamic anti-Americanism. Notice that I did not say put their African heritage behind them, rather I said I said aside them. That is very important. VERY! I am a white person but I would not ever run on the all white ticket. I also have part American Indian in me but I wouldn’t run on that ticket either, would I.? Think about it, we are all Americans when you get right down to it, well some of us.

The only format that the democrats ran on in 2004 and 2006 was an:”Anything But Bush” campaign, and that actually seemed to work. But what has happened to our135, 000+ troops over in Iraq right now? What about their vote? And how does it make them feel when they’re told that half of America that they’re fighting for has just hired a bunch of people in Congress who think that they are baby killers and murders when they were sent to do a job, a VERY HARD JOB? . And these soldiers want to win this war, not to come home in shame like people such as John Kerry and Nancy Paloci want them to so he, she and others can call this war the Vietnam of the 21st century and that it’s only Bush’s fault. That sort of stupidity is what will get our soldiers killed in action and embolden the enemy. As I said, the enemy does sit over there and watch Comedy Central and they watch Fox News so they see the news reports and they see the stupid comments made about our Commander in Chief.

Do people like Nancy Polosi and the makers of Comedy Central not think that our enemies watch television or are they maybe on the same side? It sometimes makes me wonder whether there’s not a satellite dish on top of the Capital Building and whether it’s pointed toward Algazier's satalite. Radical Muslims in this country are our enemy whether you want to hear that or not. Just read parts of their version of the Koran. In it there are special passages that say that Americans are infidels and all infidels if not converted to Islam must be killed; that’s all men, women and children of the U.S.A. and numbnuts like John Kerry, if he's not in on it because so rich and will never become one of their slaves, is just sitting back and letting this all happen. Oh, shit, just I just let the cat out of the bag???????

And what are people making fun of anyway; because President Bush is a poor public speaker? Allot of people a have problem speaking spontaneously and sometimes it's called stuttering, not lying. He seems to think faster than he speaks, in other words it could be a sign of a very high IQ. Many geniuses are the same way so get over it. At least let’s ridicule him for his supposed lies and not his God given weakness. If anything I'd say the John Kerry’ AND THE Nancy Peloci’ of Washington have been harmed by all of this name calling far more than Mr. Bush because they now have so much corruption in their own party to explain it makes them look stupid for bringing those sort of lies up. But let’s not bring up the fact that none of the ads authorized by the President anything to do with Bill Clinton lying to Congress and lying his wife or anything like that, because as I said in the start of this blog, James Carvelle went into personal attacks; Sort of “he started it”, Mr, Bush just didn’t sink to his level. But it’s all still negative ads and it’s a sad commentary that we’ve stooped to, so low in this country as not to say what you can do, but what the other guy or gal didn’t do . . . . just sad,

Besides, most ads that ran were tied to specific U.S. House, U.S. Senate, or gubernatorial races throughout the country; negative ads and all... Mr. Bush was called everything from a liar to liken to a Nazi. Now that borders on treason in my book. And that was just so that the Democrats could win enough seats in the house and Senate to take over, good Lord! Some of the ads that were not seen as much were of more general issue or advocacy ads and not tied to a particular race or candidate. Those ads were less grievous by far. What I say to all of you is that you better be careful for what you wish for, you might just get it. In other words, be careful for who you vote for, he or she just might win.

Never talked about much is that President Bush is a visionary. Equally so, President Kennedy was a visionary too, as was many of our U.S. Presidents throughout history were. President Bush wants to see a free and democratic Iraq, something that I truly believe that this world needs. Something that only a part of our Government is working toward right now but our Armed Forces is over there and doing it’s best to accomplish. Now, John F Kennedy wanted to push though a bill to adopt the metric system. I remember this when I was in grade school. Why, because he was a communist? I think not. Because he was a visionary and how easy it would be for all of us right now to watch The Science Channel, The Learning Channel and The Discovery Channel and to try and figure out how long things are in meters. Some Presidents are visionaries; they can see the future in realistic terms, it just takes an open mind to let their dreams for our great nation come true. These men write history, we live it, we write it down, and then we judge them on it.

I think that because the mainstream media is so far to the left and the Media is owned by the Left that President Bush will be remembered for nothing more than the terrible jokes, the lies that were told about him and a war that had to be fought for our freedom. No mention of all of the great things that he did while in office. Such happened to many of our great Presidents because of the Media. After Johnson took over for Kennedy, he wrote and passed more bills though congress on civil rights than all of the Bills that JFK passed while in office yet why is John Kennedy so famous and President Johnson not? It’s because the leftist media and them spinning the real truth while what John Kennedy really did was to spend most of his time dealing with personal problems like Marilyn Monroe and his beautiful wife and children and then he had just one big media blow up, the Cuban missile crisis. The Vietnam War along with the Cuban Missile Crisis in Kennedy’s time was ran by someone else, Bob McNamara, so don’t get the two confused. Hmmm, it seems that Bill Clinton and his mentor, JFK, had more in common than people know, someone in his ear telling him what he should do so he could go off and get his dick sucked….Hhmmmmm

I hope that Bill Clinton will be remembered for lying to Congress, lying to his wife about having several affairs, having an intern give him a botched blowjob in the oval office and then her keeping the dress I hope that he’s remembered for his wife’s financial scandal and the possible ties to the murder of Vince Foster which is of equally important. I hope that on a grave marker somewhere that it says “here lies Bill Clinton he hired James Carvelle the architect of negative ads”. But alas, I doubt it, because I also think that Bill Clinton has such a large penis that it doesn’t matter what lies about he tells or who he tries to poke because he’s made his deal with the devil and at this point there ain’t no go’n back. He will however have to pay the piper one day. That day is coming soon., for all of us Appropriately I will end this Blog with another old saying that I do hope it comes back, and soon, Count Your Blessings Folks, you’re going to need to..

That’s the Lazlo Report for January 16, 2007

Friday

When Did The Rules Change?

So when did the rules change? I know that I’m forty-seven, and my adolescence is still within grasp, at least the thought process anyway. So when did American’s start making it OK to make split second decisions on every day life things like what college to send their child to or what cloths to where that day, why pick them out the night before?. When did it all of a sudden become fashionable to forgo the thought process? And when did it become ok to just forget about dignity, feelings and most of all basic manors in this country, I’d like to know that.

It wasn’t that long ago when children used to respect their elders, yeah I know this is a story that has been told before, even a short a time ago as the 1950’s and that evil rock-n-roll ,but I’m talking about this ultra in your face crap that today’s kids are using. And then with the usage of their language it’s no wonder why we complain. Don’t even get me started on the whole internet language thing with the “ROTFF” thing. Now, I know what that means, being a gig head and all, but to yell into my screen that you’re rolling on the F’ing floor you can just tell me that you’re really happy or you find what I just said very fucking funny, it’s ok, I can read, I can take the time. I don’t need instant words for instant gratification of my brain as I am reading too.

When I was young the worst thing that you cold do to someone was to hurt their feelings. I meant like in school, at home with a sibling. And I would’ve had my ass beat red by the principal or the teacher and/or by dad when he got home and pulled out his belt. Let me tell you when even you’re a pretty tall & fast 15 year old as I was you still didn’t mess with a 265LB man with a 38” black leather belt and a temper especially after he had two beers in him, no way. Now kids are so immune to that behavior that they are emulating the violence that they see every day on television and even games where they don’t realize how many lives that are affected by liking someone or even down to the type of foul language that is used in these television shows and games. And the kids know that our government is filled with a bunch of mamsy-pamsy people who will come in and actually believe the kid about child abuse when what these kids need is a good belt on their ass, I know I was one of those kids who deserved every beating he got! I’m not putting down human services in general, they do some good work but the majority is useless, absolutely useless.

On the flip side of my argument you have the liberal professors in some of our colleges that are teaching our children, and at twenty and twenty-four they are still children, that “just make yourself happy” “Do what YOU want” “Stop having the Man bring you down” and crap like that when teaching our children what the difference between a rooster and a hen and that they’re all chickens is more important. Knowing the location of Springfield, yeah all of them, on a map is important because my fiends our competitors like the Chinese, the Japanese and God forbid any radical Islamic country bent on destroying a country as great as ours will succeed if our children, the ones who are supposed to take over in the next generation don’t clean up their act. .

But who’s fault is this really? Is it the kids who asked mom or dad for the money to buy the game after they got the console for Christmas?. Maybe it’s because most parents use television as a wannabe babysitter and they just plop the kid down there for hours on end. No, not really, I blame this government for pushing what I call a “get it done fast and lie about it attitude” brought on by the Clinton administration and his statement “It depends on what the definition of the word IS is”

After that statement and people knew he was lying to his wife and Congress about having an affair, or several, people began to think that it was ok to lie to someone based upon small little words. “What IS is”, give me a break. In this day and age I have but one thing to say to Ex-President Clinton “Bite Me”. You Sir Mr. Clinton, in the early 90’s, started off this mess and now it’s not going to get better until it gets worse. Oh sure he handed off the flag to President Bush and he’ll probably fuck it up just as much, so much as I’ve seen he’s tried hard to fix the problem but is coming up short. All things being equal, Christ didn't speak English so there isn't such a thing as an "F" word either.

I don’t know, maybe these are just the ramblings of a madman or maybe I’m on to something and within minutes of posting a man in black will come crashing down my door demanding a retraction. One thing is for sure, as my younger sister Dotty just told me last night, I have to stop sweating the small stuff.

Well that the Lazlo Report for Thursday, January 11, 2007

What’s wrong with today’s schools top scoring and the students not understanding their assignments?

In my day there used to be HOMEWORK. When a child is sent home with homework, I thought anyway, the parent had to help the child work on an assignment everyday until he or she got it done, or the smart ones just did their own homework so they can go out and play OR turn on the TV, and now a days turn on the computer and hit the chat rooms or still go out and visit friends. Na, who am I kidding, they hit the chat rooms.

But that homework is then turned in the next day and time is taken to go over every student’s homework by the teacher during part of an hour long class while the students are reading for the next day’s homework. Then, near the end of that class, the teacher picks the best & the worst of the papers to go over some of the questions & areas that were missed & picked up the most.

This process was done in almost every classroom in almost every school and these were not all ½ hour long elective classes either. All classes were one hour, making school nine hours long, with a one hour lunch, just like a job is, so going to school is just like it’s going to be when these High School’ers are let loose on the world with little or no education.

The Teachers need to stop bitching about the pay that they get for now and once we get Congress to understand what it’s going to take to do everything I just described; the paper to copy the homework, the extra hour long classes, more air conditioning, more lighting which means more electricity. And since the classrooms are already over crowded you might as well throw in a teacher’s Aid in each Math, English and Spelling class. And that isn’t going to be cheep so hang onto your skivvies on that one, ok boys.

And that’s not the problem, the problem starts at home, with the parents who are supposed to be helping our children learn too. But Oh no, we just think we can send them off to school and someone else will do the job because we have paid for this in our taxes or for some other dumb ass reason. Wake up people!! What ever happened to the PTA? All I see is that the once proud Parents-Teachers Association is now disbanded all over the Nation and it is now a joke all over the web. That seems to be funny to allot of today's youth. Funny, well, you will laugh last my small minded friends. And what ever happened to a parent helping their own child, actually sitting down with that kid and saying “hey son or daughter, how can I help today?” Is that so far gone that I am some sort of stranger in my own country? I thought that this was America, the land of the brightest and the best.

I’ll tell ya, in the past twenty years I’ve seen it go from the brightest and the best to the wacky & worst and now the lame and lost.

That’s the Lazlo Report for Wednesday, January 10th 2007

Ode to the Helms Bakery Man

Out of all the women that I could have married I married a woman who was born and raised in Norwalk California.

Now, that may not have any social significance to any of you but if you read on I’ll bet you that about 100,000 to a half a million of you it will. You see I was born in Ohio but I grew up in Garden Grove California, just about ten minutes from Norwalk if there was no traffic, which there always is.

As a youngster some of my fondest memories are sitting in front of the television set and watching Hobo Kelly, with her large green handled mirror without glass in it, and calling out names and as it turns out both my wife and I both sat and hoped that our names would be called out to be wished happy birthday. One time my name was called but it wasn’t my birthday and I ran around the house, crying, looking for my mo and asking why she called my name when it wasn’t my birthday. Remember, I was just eight years old. My wife just told me that her name was never called but she has a rather obscure name. DAMN HER PARENTS! Just kidding J

We also were just reminiscing on the Helms Bakery Man who drove around in his truck and delivered baked goods to each neighborhood and both of us looked forward to him pulling our those long trays from the back of that truck to reveal everything loafs of bread for mom to the ultimate in goodies for us that included the chocolate covered doughnuts to the wax cola bottles and the wax lips. There were also the little two cent packs of gum that had four pieces wrapped together and my mother would not let me get because I had braces and then my favorite of all that I could not often afford…the Abazaba Bar! For those who are not in the know, the Abazaba bar was an all white taffy bar about five inches long, two inches wide, and there was peanut butter mixed with sugar on the inside; Pure Kid Heaven.

My wife’s favorite’s was the doughnut covered in chocolate and the wax lips that had some sort of cherry flavored sugar juice on the inside. As time went on these wax lips started to come in different flavors, orange, grape and what was supposed to be licorice but they never got that one right. She also loved the Pixy-Styx, the Chico-sticks and we just laughed because we both ran around the house with candy necklaces around our necks; again, we were six and eight years old. The Pixy-Styx were a small paper tube of pure sugar that was just flavored with whatever color the paper was that housed the sugar, it was that simple and kids loved it. Those were a penny.

Just as I did, waiting for the Helms Bakery Truck, my wife also watched a local Southern California TV shows that, after procreation had taken effect and the stories had all been told, it isn't just her and I that remember show like two of our favorites. The first was called Hobo-Kelly, with her large green mirror without any glass in it. She used this mirror to call out children's names when it was their birthdays. I remember the day when she called out my name and I ran around the house, calling out for my mom "Mom Mom Mom" I yelled, "she said Lazlo", unfortunantly it wasn't my birthday.

The next was called Sheriff John. This show was a precursor to PBS’s Mister Rodgers but if they would have made Sheriff John commercial free and allowed children’s attention span not to be interrupted then he would have become Nation Wide.

But, that’s for another blog, for another time, and I WILL get to it.

That’s the Lazlo Report for Tuesday January, 9th 2007

From Noah to the Nazis, Who Would’a Figgered?

To all of those who try and dismiss Noah’s Ark just because there isn’t scientific proof that there wasn’t a flood at about the time when Noah began work on the Ark according to the Bible, be it layers of rock sediment or whatever, I have the following to say:

First of all it probably wasn’t raining when Noah and a crew of probably thousands began the work, nor while they were working on it or they wouldn’t have been able to get it done in time. Noah wasn’t a Chicken Little going around saying”The Sky is opening, the sky is Opening” He merely told his followers to gather one of each specie and to build a ship large enough to carry them through a flood of great size. He told them that those who believed in God should go with him to be saved.

Next, there’s no mention as to when the great flood started, just that it rained for forty days and forty nights and that the Ark came to rest upon a mountain (Ararat).

Also, for someone who was supposed to have lived 600 years, what exactly is forty days forty and forty nights? And when again was he born?

Last, if any ship was to land on top of a volcano with hot ash falling on it, possibly twice or more, the carbon dating would be changed. This is how God works in mysterious ways, NOT to let bonehead, non-believers, find His Ark and then tear down the existence of it by experiments made up by mortal men. It’s quite possible that God does have a plan and it doesn’t include humans finding out when Noah sailed that Ark. By directing the Ark to land atop a volcano, He knew that the carbon dating would be thrown off by future man thousands of years later than normal and the men who built the Ark could have been here as early as 10,000 years ago for all we know.

It’s called faith ladies and gentlemen, something that this planet is starting to loose and that I find that sad.

Finally, it is man who has been reinterpreting the Bible for centuries and rewriting the words of God, not to mention the history books that our children our reading in class these days. What happened to teaching them about World War II and the Nazi occupation and everything that we could learn from that? What happened to teaching our children about the consentration camp? What happened to teaching them about the Nazi’s taking over France and Belgium just after Belgium gave England $600 Million dollars because they were bankrupted and America was just sitting there doing nothing because we were liberal pacifists and didn’t want to get involved at the time? THAT’S the REAL HISTORY !!! Insignificant little bugs like liberal professors who think that they can rewrite thousands, if not millions, of years of history by coming up with their “theory” of what happened should take a look at the word “theory” and by definition itself, it is just that, just a theory, where as what is discussed by theologians world wide and printed in almost every Bible is that the story of Jesus is true, so why should we not believe Noah and his Ark?

As one who thinks in quantum terms, Einstein said it best in that “Time is a relative term”.

This same statements above can also explain the Flying Saucer or The Extraterrestrial question surrounding every corner of the world at this very moment. THERE AREN’T ANY!! It’s as plain as that. The answer to this riddle is that man has been traveling trough time Governments who have this knowledge can not let us know that they do this for several very complex reasons and I do not need to explain them but a few examples will suffice.

A) If we can travel back and forth in time, then we had the technology to go to the future, get the information, and build a time machine.
B) Since A is true, our Government would never want anyone to know that we only let technology loose in spurts or as it is discovered, either by natural discovery or by spy’s. (informants) (government informant) (area 51)

There’s far more to this but to explain time and relativity would take up twenty pages so like Jesus you need faith. You can also do research with Google as I did starting with Albert Einstein and his work on it but I warn you it’s heavy stuff.

The only thing that we need to worry about is that this knowledge not fall into the wrong hands. There are two types of humans on this planet; Peaceful Pacifists and Barbarians. While this message has nothing to do with politics, terrorists are barbaric, they are barbarians. To give a terrorist the tool to travel through time would be worse than giving them a nuclear weapon and that is barbaric in itself. The Peaceful Pacifists will loose if the Barbarians get either of these weapons, which is for sure!

I see it so sad that like the Ark so many things in History are dismissed by liberal thinking people who believe that they are on a path of science but they are so far off the path of truth that they become blind to what they are searching for. These people who look for the ark have the story written for them, they have the mountain right in front of them, they see a faint image in a camera but still they say no there is no Ark….WHY? Is that what a Liberal is? Someone who is a “disbeliever”? Someone who just always says no, that’s not it? As I listen to TV now a days, that’s what it sound to me, someone who just says “No, that’s not the way it’s supposed to be, I want it to be this way”….That’s what a liberal is now. Or I hear that a liberal just says the fuck word allot on television, or many of the words that are going to be bleeped out anyway. Why use that language if they know they are going to be bleeped out on time delay tape? To be cool? To impress the young? To teach my children? I know I don’t get it. Actually at a certain point it just pisses me off and I change the channel. Too bad for the advertisers.

Well,, as usual I am off the subject.. but I think that I have made three very good points today. Please think about them, pass the word around, especially about not letting people like Iran getting a nuke. It would be like Nazi Germany all over again and I don’t think people have any clue as to the ramifications of that.

That’s the Lazlo Report for Monday January 8, 2007

So I’ll Play Devil’s Advocate On The Death Tax

The death in the United States right now for the super rich should be near 80% in my opinion. For one thing, I am not rich so I can’t just throw out numbers and make you all think that I am rich. If I were rich I would change my Estate to give away all but 20% of my nest egg to charity. The reason is that my children, while I want them to have everything I didn’t have while growing up, should also learn how to respect those things, and the only way learn that is to work for what they get. My oldest son already does, he’s 26 and married.

Take for instance Paris Hilton. Do you actually think that she’s ever mowed a lawn? Done her own laundry? Cleaned her bathroom including the toilet? I very much doubt it. And as for that show that she did, that “reality show” That was so far removed from reality that I got physically sick from watching just one episode of it, I really, really did.

And so what if her grandfather was Conrad Hilton and was worth $300 million, is that any reason for this little temptress has to flaunt her little titties at dinner parties for the other rich and famous people to look at? Doubtful.

And then there’s Athena Onassis, the last of the heiress to the great fortunes of that Greek dude. I say let her have a nice 20 million And give her sister the same and give the rest give all TO CHERATY. Mercy, there are so may blood suckers on that gravy train that it makes you sick to read about it. I first thought that this sweet little 19 year old was just going to renounce the name and go off with her horse riding boyfriend but now as of this year, she wants it ALL….billions and billions of dollars in skyscrapers, oil takers, islands and all sorts of things that this chick is never , ever going to use in her life time. And again, she’s been so privileged that she’s never had to have any real job having to do with any real labor. She didn’t do any planning to make that fortune so why should she have any claim to it? Blood?. Let her make her own empire. Shit, with 10% of his estimated ½ a trillion dollars I think she could do pretty good at something. “Horse Farm maybe” Shovel some shit lady, that will teach you some character and backbone.

The following is part of an email that I received from my great sister Dotty but it’s appropriate in this blog; something that the Paris Hilton’s of the world never experienced the:

To all the kids that survived the 1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's please read on . . . . .. . .

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking! As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-Aid made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because, we were always playing outside… Good Lord!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K, really. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. We also built forts out of cardboard boxes, old washing machines mom’s favorite sheets or just about anything that could house two or three of us yet no one got herpes. We did not have Play station’s, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound, CD's or Ipods, no cell phones!, no personal computers , no Internet or chat rooms....... WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays. We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not poke out very many eyes.We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them! Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment, imagine that!! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of!! They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all without a bunch of councilors telling us that ‘we cal all be winners in life’…YUK!! If you are one of these people, congratulations. (thank you anonymous email person)

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids before the lawyers and that government regulated so much of our lives “for our own good” gets a hold of this blog and asks me to retract some of it, or they just flat out delete my blog all together. And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were. Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

I got off track just a little but my main point is that this country has been turning out in the past five decades a bunch of lazy, ungrateful, turds. About the Death tax, well, rich or not I will pay my fair share because I have earned the right to do so. And while some may think that I’m insensitive, I will say this; When a forty-five year old man wants a Scooby-doo lunch box for his birthday and just loves that lunch box all year around, and I call him mentally challenged. But then when a fifty-five year old man wants to throw every single 13 million illegal Mexican out of this country all at once, now he’s retarded. That would be a “Mexihunt” and while they’re still streaming over the border at record numbers we have retards working for us here in our Government. And they call me insensitive?

That’s the Lazlo Report for Sunday, January 7th 2007

More on Commercial TV

Oberon said...
........you're not kidding.....it sucks.....hard.......i've been collecting movies and stuff to watch on tape and disc....

When I wrote my last blog on Commercial TV, the above comment was my first comment that I had received on that blog. I am posting it because I wanted you all to see the gravity in which we live in today, the selfishness, the ignorance and just emphasize more of what’s in store for all of us.

Now, I am not faulting this person, as a matter of fact I am saluting him on his honesty because I too am taping just about everything I can, putting it on disk or tape or whatever but that wasn’t what my blog was about. Since the subject was brought up though, you might as well be selfish and keep burning those disks, taping those VCR tapes, DVD’s and whatever means of recording that you can because if you had fully understood my blog to begin with you would have read into it that eventually, not only will they eliminate channel’s 2 through 13 (which they already have) but they are going to start to eliminate YOUR RIGHTS to other FREE services such as 911 just as they did away with 411.

Does anyone remember 411? You know, the number that you used to call for information on the telephone? It used to be free and now it costs at least $0.45 no matter where you live and now no one but me is saying anything about it. Well you just watch out and mark my words; next it will cost you money to dial and call 911. The FCC will find a way to charge you for calling 911, another free service that has always been there for us as an emergency will be gone.

And it’s not just the FCC, its other departments of the Governments too, but the FCC has its hands on a lot of cookies in the cookie jar. And when is the last time that you called “Time”? I'll bet that if you called your local operator and asked for the number for Time that he or she would ask you if you were on medication. I’ll also bet that many of you reading this aren’t even old enough to even know what calling Time is.

The FCC will next put a “V-Chip” on television shows so that we will not be able to record them in out of our own homes, which will come in about three or four years. they already have V-chips on many of the pre-recorded DVDs and VCR tapes.

So in the meanwhile OBERON, and the rest of you too, either go ahead and be ignorant to all of this and do nothing. Keep being selfish and keep recording all that you can because eventually they are going to force us all to watch the commercials whether we want to or not otherwise we will just have to learn to turn it off. Me, for now, I try and watch the old movies on Turner Classic Movies but as I said in my forst blog, even they have the 15 minutet commercials in between movies so that’s when I get something to eat. Trouble is, how much can one man eat?

That’s The Lazlo Report for Saturday, January 6thth 2007

My Parents Aren’t Rich

My parents live in a modest home in Northwest Ohio. They have lived in a total of fourteen homes in their 53 year marriage. They have lived all over the United States but they have come home to retire because they both grew up not too far from this area and now well into their 70’s they wanted to be closer to family, their sisters and brothers, and the people that they grew up with.

By some people’s standards one may think that they were rich, I assure you they are not. By other’s, the one’s that can afford a $350,000 home here in this area, they are just down right poor folk, well that isn’t the case either.

The truth is that even though people come over to borrow $10 here and $20 there, my parents are living off of my father’s Social Security income ONLY and my mom makes a couple of hundred dollars a month doing some sewing for my dad’s old friends in their old business that they both used to run out of the basement where my mother would sew up a storm and make all sorts of things for different companies and my father would do the shipping. He took on the shipping as his full time job, as well as salesman, when he retired from his carrier about ten years ago. None the less, after paying for material, we’re only talking a couple of hundred dollars a month to pay for electricity and heating, something that we all do now and then, you know, side jobs.

You see, to get to the house that they live in right now, my mom and dad BOTH had to have two jobs while me and my three siblings were growing up. At one point my dad even had to have three jobs, well, for over twenty of those years. They used to struggle so hard just to get by and to get the material to make us cloths, let alone buy us name brand cloths that it amazes me that they found the money to feed us too.

During all this time of raising children, these two people also had the gumption to remodel each of the houses that me and my three siblings lived in so that we could upgrade to a better house about every four or five years. Where my dad found the money I have no idea because as I write out my bills each month I struggle myself and while I own my own home, I worked two jobs for several years, my wife also works we have not the resources nor the time to fix up our home. We are however very thankful to the lord and our parents for what we have.

So now when these folks like my own godchildren, who have been raised on the welfare system since birth, along with their parents who collect Social Security too, without ever having paid into the system like my dad did for over fifty five years and I did for thirty years, come over to borrow a $10 bill, it still bothers just a me little because I don’t think that these folks understand that they in fact bring home more money each month than my mom and dad.

They also take advantage of my parents who have that Christian spirit in them and finding it hard to say no to a somewhat nice young person, especially when it is my Goddaughter. However my parents can be just too nice sometimes. There comes a time when you just have to be nice to some people and pleasant to everyone. That's where my grandmother's saying comes into play and has been my New Years resolution and I hope to spread it everywhere; it goes as follows: You can be Oh So Nice Or Oh So Pleasant; I Recommend Pleasant

That saying comes from Jimmy Stewart in the movie Harvey but it is so perfect and is so appropriate for my life….well everyone’s life for that matter. Anyhow, I can’t get this feeling of them being leaches off my mind while at the same time I do care for them dearly. There just comes a time when you just have to say no to people, especially when those people have been living off of the federal government since they were born and have never had a job. Their mother has never had a job, and I mean NEVER had a job…not one, and she still collects Social Security. The last I heard, you had to pay into the system before you could get paid back out from that system. Well, that’s a subject for another blog.

My whole point to this blog is that my parents are two of the most giving people you would ever want to meet but just because they live in a very nice house does not mean they are rich. They’re always working and they’re still in their 70’s. My dad is 76 and my mom is 73. Outside of a bad knee my dad is in pretty good health; well hearth attacks run in his family. Our family is suffering from my mom’s memory problems but her health is great. She keeps busy and is generally pretty happy, well ok she complains to me allot. All in all they are in remarkable health for folks in their mid 70’s but they are defiantly not rich. I wish they were, I would go with them and show them the world.

That’s The Lazlo Report for Friday January, 5th 2007

Giving Whoopi Airtime

This one is Short and sweet, hopefully to the point. Several nights ago on Hanity & Colmbs, of Fox News, they had as their guest, Whoopi Goldberg. (born Caryn Elaine Johnson for those who give a crap)

Now even if Mr. Hanity was to tear Whoopi a new one on his show that night, which I'm sure he did, I mean I don’t know I didn’t waste my time staying up to listen to her liberal crap that night, I just don't understand why she or her “pootie” is asked to be a guest on anyone's show for her to spew out her liberal agenda to the world when she is a COMEDIAN, not a politician, not a spokesperson, not a Ambassador to any counrty,nothing. If she’s not telling jokes she’s just an average Jane who gets airtime because she’s rich.

Now Sean Hanity is truly a great American because he works every day doing his best to better the county that has given him the things that he has, the opportunity to use his talent in his crusade to make a better United States and is not keeping all of his “winnings” or by that I mean he is giving back to the society that has been so good to him.

What I see Whoppi Goldberg do, the very rich Whoppi Goldberg do, is to complain about local government, complain about federal government, complain that no one gets taken care of by that government, that she isn’t taken care of by the government and that George Bush is the spawn of the Devil himself.

Dear Miss Whoppi: I have a suggestion for you; get off your fat ass, stop complaining and do a free concert that is not political at all, just funny shit (if even remember how) then donate all of that money, every red cent, to any poor people that you want. Now, THAT’S doing something. NOT going on Hanity & Colms plus numerous other television and radio shows and complaining about that evil George Bus. All I hear is that you can bitch pretty good but here are some facts that may surprise you:

World War II cost the United States an amount equal to approximately a full year's GDP -- adjusted for inflation, equal to about $12 trillion dollars back in 1945.

WWII cost America more than 400,000 killed in action, and nearly 100,000 still missing in action.

The Iraq war has, so far, cost the US about $160 billion dollars, which is roughly what 9/11 cost New York. It has also cost about 2,200 American lives, which is roughly 2/3 of the 3,000 lives that the Jihad snuffed out on 9/11. But the cost of not fighting and winning WWII would have been unimaginably greater, it’s inconceivable what this country would be like because there would be no “African American” people under the American Nazi Government.

And if the terrorist win the War on Terror that your adversary, George W. Bush, is so strongly fighting against, then there will again be slaves to another régime, this time it will be called the Islamic Régime and they don’t like black people either. Think about it Miss Whoopie.

That’s the Lazlo Report for Thursday January 4rd, 2007

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